The Waiting Game.

This waiting game is brutal. Now that I am not working, I have lots of time to sit and hope that I’m going into labor. I have never been more eager to feel pain. Yesterday actually flew by, thank goodness. My doctor’s appointment took up my morning, then I went to the mall for some serious walking, came home and mixed up a banana bread, and went back to the gym with Kyle for some more walking, came back and made breakfast for dinner. Yum! Today, however, today there is a lot more dreaming of labor. A lot more watching symptoms and a lot more time to dream of labor and watch symptoms.

I woke up with Kyle this morning. That’s easy to do, because Leah is used to eating at 6:30, so I mainly get up to get our fix of cereal, then send him on his way. After he left, it was storming and cloudy… you know what that means… nap. So the bug and I slept from 7-9, so nice. I woke up to her newest move that is so intriguing. I’ve felt it for a while now, and have had a million guesses as to what it is. But today I think I finally figured it out. It’s a very faint movement, definitely not like the rest of them. I can watch my stomach barely move in and out. It almost looks like she’s breathing, but I’m still not sure how that works when she’s living in fluid, so I discounted that. My other theory is that she was sucking her thumb or fingers, but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to see that without and elbow or fist sticking out. Finally, today as I was watching and feeling I decided it must be… her heartbeat! It happens when her back is sticking out and today it was definitely in a rhythm of buh-bump, buh-bump, buh-bump. I’m almost positive that’s what it is. And she is seriously lacking room in there, so it makes sense that I can feel it. Of course, she moved again and it was gone. But as I was laying on the couch, still groggy, hearing the rain fall I fell in love with her a little more feeling her little heart beating away. Which plunged me into a deeper longing of her to be here already!

But I snapped myself out of it. There was work to be done! I baked the banana bread that I mixed together, which made my house smell so good. I think that’s the best part about baking, the smells! Then I folded towels, started another load of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, and got us a snack. I sat down to watch TV, and I haven’t been home in the daytime in so long I had no idea what was even on. But then I found it… Kathy Lee and Hoda! I love that show! And it instantly brought me back to the early weeks with Leah, before I worked. We did our chores, ate a snack, and watched Kathy Lee and Hoda every morning. It made me once again think how long I’ve been pregnant, and how parallel the beginning and end of pregnancy is.

I wasn’t working in the beginning, and I’m not working now. I ate certain foods in the beginning to keep her healthy and strong, and I’m eating certain foods now to help get her out! I was nauseous in the beginning, and I’m nauseous now. I stayed on top of laundry and dishes in the beginning so Kyle could have a clean house when he got home, and I stay on top of laundry and dished now so we can both have a clean house when (someday) we come home from the hospital. I went to the doctor on Monday’s, and I’m still going to the doctor on Monday’s. I watched Kathy Lee and Hoda then, and I’m watching it now. I watched for symptoms of miscarriage like a hawk, and now I watch for symptoms of labor like a hawk. I daydreamed about what he would look like, and now I’m daydreaming about what she will look like. I wondered in the beginning if I would ever get to the end, and I’m still wondering that. A lot has happened in the last 38 weeks, but somehow I feel like we’ve come full circle.

Bless your heart. That’s a phrase I get daily now. It coincides directly with, “when are you due?” Which I’m also still getting daily. So put them together, and what do I get? “When are you due?” “Two weeks.” “Bless your heart.” It’s almost like I’m supposed to be dying or something. How do you respond to a, “bless your heart?” Thank you? Thank you for your blessing? Please do? Do you just smile? It’s very awkward, at least for me. I mean, I appreciate it – but I’m not dying, so I don’t really know what to do with it. But, my heart feels very blessed these days so I guess it’s not a bad thing. I also get, after their blessings, “you’re so tiny.” As in my belly. And I’m not sure what to do with that one either. Say yes, and sound like a conceited jerk. Say, no, I’m actually a whale and make them feel bad. Say, thank you and again sound like a jerk. Say, no I’m not and again make them feel dumb. Either way, no one wins when I get comments on my size. I usually just smile and think to myself, then you carry her around all day.

I might just blog daily from now on to tell you how ready I am. That wouldn’t be annoying would it? Okay, maybe I won’t – but I do foresee lots of blogs in my future until this little one makes her way out. There’s only so much cleaning you can do to an already clean house, and only so much cooking you can do with an already stocked freezer.  I will continue to eat my cupcakes, pineapple, roll on the ball, and walk miles every day – hopefully I won’t have to blog too much more out of ancy-ness.