Well now she's just being stubborn.
We are fresh out of our doctors appointment, and drum roll please... there is nothing new to report. Funny, the week I do everything I can think of to get her out is the week that I have no progress. That'll teach me. I've still got the progress I made in the previous two weeks to keep my spirits up, but what a bummer! And she reminded me that none of it really matters. There is no science to dilation and effacement, and it can't tell you when and where labor will start. So I will just continue to wait it out. Leah is healthy though, and still has a strong heartbeat. When it comes down to it, as long as she's happy and healthy in there I suppose I will survive. And I do not, do not want to be induced, so I will be patient. As much as I want to see her, if she gave me the option to be induced today I would decline. I want Leah to be ready, and she is obviously preoccupied so I will continue to wait - while sending her hints to get.out. She did compliment me on staying healthy, maintaining a great weight, and not having any swelling, so that made me feel good. And I took those compliments straight to McDonalds and got Leah and I a Rolo McFlurry. Yum!
Other than that, I really have nothing to say. Ha. Blog, over.
Okay, I will try to come up with something. I suppose I'll just talk about myself now. I'm actually still feeling pretty darn good. My back hurts, lots. But it comes in spurts, and makes me think something is happening so I kind of get excited by it. But I got out my exercise ball and rolling around on that feels so good. I do get contractions; some are painful, most are not. But it's gotta mean something, right?
Okay, now I'm really done. I tried my best - but there is just nothing to tell you. We are just waiting. I picked Leah's birthday to be tomorrow - I would really like her to agree with me. I guess we'll see.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Still Here.
I'm still here. Still pregnant. No one worry.
I can't believe I made it through the week. And it actually flew by, despite all the sitting and waiting I've been doing. Tuesday and Wednesday were rough, but once I snapped myself out of the, "Im definitely going into labor today" feeling, things have gotten better. I just try to distract myself. And I try not to think about all of the symptoms. I can relate it totally to the week before I took my pregnancy test. There are so many signs that might not be signs at all, and only a few definite ones. For instance, you might be pregnant if you have to pee a lot, or you might have had too much water to drink. You might be pregnant if you are nauseous, or you might be getting the flu. You might be pregnant if you have heartburn, or you might have eaten spicy food. The only thing that matters is if you're late. So that week before I took the test I analyzed everything, knowing however, that only one thing made it official. You would have thought I would have learned my lesson, but nope. The same goes for labor. You might be in labor if you want to nest, or your house might just be dirty. You might be in labor if your nauseous, or your belly could just be too full. You might be in labor if your back hurts, or your baby might be heavy. Again, only one thing matters... strong, consistent contractions. So I'm trying my hardest to just wait for those. But it is not easy, my friends. Especially when I get a new email every day telling me the signs. One was even titled, "Have you had your baby yet?" Now they are just taunting me. I think I'll have to delete my email account until she comes.
So what have we done this week to make it through. Well we walked. I don't know how many miles I've clocked, but I know I'm a walking machine. And thank God for this BEAutiful weather! It has been so nice to take morning and evening walks. Monday and Tuesday when it was hot, we took our walking inside. We did some serious mall walking, then Tuesday did some serious Target walking. We got Zoey's second birthday present, all the while I was thinking, "How in the world is she going to be two!?" It's funny though, as much as I have been nesting this entire third trimester, for some reason this last week I have wanted to do nothing but sit on the couch. Maybe it's because everything is finished. I don't think I could nest if I wanted to. But I have had very little energy, so I guess it's a good thing. I've gotten a couple spurts of energy here and there, enough to stock her pack and play with diapers, and cook all of Kyle's lunches for next week - so for those spurts, I'm grateful. Other than that, I watch Kathy Lee and Hoda, take walks, stalk facebook, clean up a little (if I can find something), and usually cap it off with Dr.Phil in the afternoon before Kyle gets home. That guy (Dr. Phil, not Kyle), I don't know what it is about him - he drives me nuts and suckers me in at the same time!
And what has Leah done. What hasn't Leah done? I think she thinks she is still the size of a lemon. The fact that she has no room has had no effect on her whatsoever. I don't know what I'm going to do with her. I told Kyle that I think she is confused on how exactly she is supposed to come out. I think she thinks she is supposed to break through my skin, in which case, she is giving it her best effort. She was obviously not paying attention to her part in the birth class. Her shoulders and elbows are just getting too much to handle. I still laugh most of the time. Only because I read all of these emails saying how she should be slowing down, not being able to move as much. So when I see her do a flip all I can do is laugh... and yelp in pain. I watch her now in a different way though. As much as it hurts, I have loved it, and I already know I will miss it when she's out. So now when she goes crazy I sit and watch and wonder if this will be the last time I get to see her move from the inside. And then I get a little sad. And then I feel the pain and get a little hopeful that it will be the last time. And then I get a little sad that I feel that way. It's a vicious cycle. I also try to explain to her that she would be able to move 10 times more if she were out here with us! So far she doesn't care.
I have also had lots of time to plan her life this week, she better get ready. Ha. Okay, not really, but I have done a ridiculous amount of daydreaming. We decided we're all going to go to a Cardinals game in the fall. Can't wait for that one! I used to think she'd be too little, but I see tons of babies, and they just sleep. While I know she won't sleep, from what I can tell she really enjoys the games that she's been to - so her going in real life should be no different. We've got a million babysitters lined up, and unfortunately, I don't think we'll use one of them. I don't think I'll ever want her away from me. Okay, maybe I will - but for now, she won't ever need a babysitter. Every time I walk I imagine having her in a stroller in front of me rather than punching her way out of me, and it seems so much more pleasant. I've already planned a weekend to grandmas in August when Kyle will be gone. She can finally meet her soon to be best friend Bella! And be introduced to the forest. Somehow I got put in charge of planning our family vacation next year - which includes, bama and bapa, her aunt Lauren and Uncle Joel, cousins Zoey and Ali, and the three of us. We've got a beach house, and I can just imagine us, kids in tow, taking toys, towels, and inflatables down the steps on to the beach. She's got swimming lessons coming her way in January. I hope and pray that she likes water, and gets my swimming genes. Her father is not a swimmer. I'm fairly certain I'll sign her up for ballet, for the outfit alone. I picked out her outfit for her first time going to church. I found some baby music classes I think I'll enroll us in. Lord knows I'm not musical, but maybe there's hope for her. See, what she doesn't understand is the longer she is in my belly, the more carried away I'm getting. It would really benefit her to come out before I have her in everything this town has to offer.
There is a week and four days left until our due date. I try to remind myself that she's not late yet. It works about as well as telling myself "she'll come when she's ready." For the record, don't ever tell me that. Her mom and dad are going on a date tonight - I'm hoping a little (okay a lot) that that date ends up in the hospital. But if it doesn't, I'm still excited about the food. And hanging out with Kyle. Unless I write a labor blog between now and Monday, the next blog will be after our doctors appointment. Cross your fingers for miles of progress!
I can't believe I made it through the week. And it actually flew by, despite all the sitting and waiting I've been doing. Tuesday and Wednesday were rough, but once I snapped myself out of the, "Im definitely going into labor today" feeling, things have gotten better. I just try to distract myself. And I try not to think about all of the symptoms. I can relate it totally to the week before I took my pregnancy test. There are so many signs that might not be signs at all, and only a few definite ones. For instance, you might be pregnant if you have to pee a lot, or you might have had too much water to drink. You might be pregnant if you are nauseous, or you might be getting the flu. You might be pregnant if you have heartburn, or you might have eaten spicy food. The only thing that matters is if you're late. So that week before I took the test I analyzed everything, knowing however, that only one thing made it official. You would have thought I would have learned my lesson, but nope. The same goes for labor. You might be in labor if you want to nest, or your house might just be dirty. You might be in labor if your nauseous, or your belly could just be too full. You might be in labor if your back hurts, or your baby might be heavy. Again, only one thing matters... strong, consistent contractions. So I'm trying my hardest to just wait for those. But it is not easy, my friends. Especially when I get a new email every day telling me the signs. One was even titled, "Have you had your baby yet?" Now they are just taunting me. I think I'll have to delete my email account until she comes.
So what have we done this week to make it through. Well we walked. I don't know how many miles I've clocked, but I know I'm a walking machine. And thank God for this BEAutiful weather! It has been so nice to take morning and evening walks. Monday and Tuesday when it was hot, we took our walking inside. We did some serious mall walking, then Tuesday did some serious Target walking. We got Zoey's second birthday present, all the while I was thinking, "How in the world is she going to be two!?" It's funny though, as much as I have been nesting this entire third trimester, for some reason this last week I have wanted to do nothing but sit on the couch. Maybe it's because everything is finished. I don't think I could nest if I wanted to. But I have had very little energy, so I guess it's a good thing. I've gotten a couple spurts of energy here and there, enough to stock her pack and play with diapers, and cook all of Kyle's lunches for next week - so for those spurts, I'm grateful. Other than that, I watch Kathy Lee and Hoda, take walks, stalk facebook, clean up a little (if I can find something), and usually cap it off with Dr.Phil in the afternoon before Kyle gets home. That guy (Dr. Phil, not Kyle), I don't know what it is about him - he drives me nuts and suckers me in at the same time!
And what has Leah done. What hasn't Leah done? I think she thinks she is still the size of a lemon. The fact that she has no room has had no effect on her whatsoever. I don't know what I'm going to do with her. I told Kyle that I think she is confused on how exactly she is supposed to come out. I think she thinks she is supposed to break through my skin, in which case, she is giving it her best effort. She was obviously not paying attention to her part in the birth class. Her shoulders and elbows are just getting too much to handle. I still laugh most of the time. Only because I read all of these emails saying how she should be slowing down, not being able to move as much. So when I see her do a flip all I can do is laugh... and yelp in pain. I watch her now in a different way though. As much as it hurts, I have loved it, and I already know I will miss it when she's out. So now when she goes crazy I sit and watch and wonder if this will be the last time I get to see her move from the inside. And then I get a little sad. And then I feel the pain and get a little hopeful that it will be the last time. And then I get a little sad that I feel that way. It's a vicious cycle. I also try to explain to her that she would be able to move 10 times more if she were out here with us! So far she doesn't care.
I have also had lots of time to plan her life this week, she better get ready. Ha. Okay, not really, but I have done a ridiculous amount of daydreaming. We decided we're all going to go to a Cardinals game in the fall. Can't wait for that one! I used to think she'd be too little, but I see tons of babies, and they just sleep. While I know she won't sleep, from what I can tell she really enjoys the games that she's been to - so her going in real life should be no different. We've got a million babysitters lined up, and unfortunately, I don't think we'll use one of them. I don't think I'll ever want her away from me. Okay, maybe I will - but for now, she won't ever need a babysitter. Every time I walk I imagine having her in a stroller in front of me rather than punching her way out of me, and it seems so much more pleasant. I've already planned a weekend to grandmas in August when Kyle will be gone. She can finally meet her soon to be best friend Bella! And be introduced to the forest. Somehow I got put in charge of planning our family vacation next year - which includes, bama and bapa, her aunt Lauren and Uncle Joel, cousins Zoey and Ali, and the three of us. We've got a beach house, and I can just imagine us, kids in tow, taking toys, towels, and inflatables down the steps on to the beach. She's got swimming lessons coming her way in January. I hope and pray that she likes water, and gets my swimming genes. Her father is not a swimmer. I'm fairly certain I'll sign her up for ballet, for the outfit alone. I picked out her outfit for her first time going to church. I found some baby music classes I think I'll enroll us in. Lord knows I'm not musical, but maybe there's hope for her. See, what she doesn't understand is the longer she is in my belly, the more carried away I'm getting. It would really benefit her to come out before I have her in everything this town has to offer.
There is a week and four days left until our due date. I try to remind myself that she's not late yet. It works about as well as telling myself "she'll come when she's ready." For the record, don't ever tell me that. Her mom and dad are going on a date tonight - I'm hoping a little (okay a lot) that that date ends up in the hospital. But if it doesn't, I'm still excited about the food. And hanging out with Kyle. Unless I write a labor blog between now and Monday, the next blog will be after our doctors appointment. Cross your fingers for miles of progress!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The Waiting Game.
This waiting game is brutal. Now that I am not working, I have lots of time to sit and hope that I’m going into labor. I have never been more eager to feel pain. Yesterday actually flew by, thank goodness. My doctor’s appointment took up my morning, then I went to the mall for some serious walking, came home and mixed up a banana bread, and went back to the gym with Kyle for some more walking, came back and made breakfast for dinner. Yum! Today, however, today there is a lot more dreaming of labor. A lot more watching symptoms and a lot more time to dream of labor and watch symptoms.
I woke up with Kyle this morning. That’s easy to do, because Leah is used to eating at 6:30, so I mainly get up to get our fix of cereal, then send him on his way. After he left, it was storming and cloudy… you know what that means… nap. So the bug and I slept from 7-9, so nice. I woke up to her newest move that is so intriguing. I’ve felt it for a while now, and have had a million guesses as to what it is. But today I think I finally figured it out. It’s a very faint movement, definitely not like the rest of them. I can watch my stomach barely move in and out. It almost looks like she’s breathing, but I’m still not sure how that works when she’s living in fluid, so I discounted that. My other theory is that she was sucking her thumb or fingers, but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to see that without and elbow or fist sticking out. Finally, today as I was watching and feeling I decided it must be… her heartbeat! It happens when her back is sticking out and today it was definitely in a rhythm of buh-bump, buh-bump, buh-bump. I’m almost positive that’s what it is. And she is seriously lacking room in there, so it makes sense that I can feel it. Of course, she moved again and it was gone. But as I was laying on the couch, still groggy, hearing the rain fall I fell in love with her a little more feeling her little heart beating away. Which plunged me into a deeper longing of her to be here already!
But I snapped myself out of it. There was work to be done! I baked the banana bread that I mixed together, which made my house smell so good. I think that’s the best part about baking, the smells! Then I folded towels, started another load of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, and got us a snack. I sat down to watch TV, and I haven’t been home in the daytime in so long I had no idea what was even on. But then I found it… Kathy Lee and Hoda! I love that show! And it instantly brought me back to the early weeks with Leah, before I worked. We did our chores, ate a snack, and watched Kathy Lee and Hoda every morning. It made me once again think how long I’ve been pregnant, and how parallel the beginning and end of pregnancy is.
I wasn’t working in the beginning, and I’m not working now. I ate certain foods in the beginning to keep her healthy and strong, and I’m eating certain foods now to help get her out! I was nauseous in the beginning, and I’m nauseous now. I stayed on top of laundry and dishes in the beginning so Kyle could have a clean house when he got home, and I stay on top of laundry and dished now so we can both have a clean house when (someday) we come home from the hospital. I went to the doctor on Monday’s, and I’m still going to the doctor on Monday’s. I watched Kathy Lee and Hoda then, and I’m watching it now. I watched for symptoms of miscarriage like a hawk, and now I watch for symptoms of labor like a hawk. I daydreamed about what he would look like, and now I’m daydreaming about what she will look like. I wondered in the beginning if I would ever get to the end, and I’m still wondering that. A lot has happened in the last 38 weeks, but somehow I feel like we’ve come full circle.
Bless your heart. That’s a phrase I get daily now. It coincides directly with, “when are you due?” Which I’m also still getting daily. So put them together, and what do I get? “When are you due?” “Two weeks.” “Bless your heart.” It’s almost like I’m supposed to be dying or something. How do you respond to a, “bless your heart?” Thank you? Thank you for your blessing? Please do? Do you just smile? It’s very awkward, at least for me. I mean, I appreciate it – but I’m not dying, so I don’t really know what to do with it. But, my heart feels very blessed these days so I guess it’s not a bad thing. I also get, after their blessings, “you’re so tiny.” As in my belly. And I’m not sure what to do with that one either. Say yes, and sound like a conceited jerk. Say, no, I’m actually a whale and make them feel bad. Say, thank you and again sound like a jerk. Say, no I’m not and again make them feel dumb. Either way, no one wins when I get comments on my size. I usually just smile and think to myself, then you carry her around all day.
I might just blog daily from now on to tell you how ready I am. That wouldn’t be annoying would it? Okay, maybe I won’t – but I do foresee lots of blogs in my future until this little one makes her way out. There’s only so much cleaning you can do to an already clean house, and only so much cooking you can do with an already stocked freezer. I will continue to eat my cupcakes, pineapple, roll on the ball, and walk miles every day – hopefully I won’t have to blog too much more out of ancy-ness.
Monday, June 20, 2011
38 Weeks! Ready.
Well, here I am. Another week pregnant. Leah is another week older, and half a pound heavier.
We made it through the ridiculous stress of last week. Preparing for that test like he does wore all three of us out. But, in case you missed it, he passed! We are in the clear to have this baby! And so has begun the round the clock waiting and daydreaming for just what that day will bring.
I.Am.Ready.
I do love that every day she's in there she gets a little fatter. I can't wait to kiss those fat cheeks. But, that's just it... I'm ready to kiss those fat cheeks! Her moving around in my belly is still fascinating and fun, but I'm ready to see her move around outside of my belly. Her room is clean and perfect, but I'm ready to see it messy, with diapers and clothes everywhere. My shins are being good sports, but they are ready to go back to just carrying one of us around. The elastic waists are fun, but I'm ready to button pants like a big girl again. Her hiccups crack me up still, but I'm ready to hear them as well. I have enjoyed referring to myself as a "we," but I'm ready to just be a me again. It's fun to talk to my belly and refer to it as a "she," but I'm ready to talk directly to Leah and call her by name. Pregnancy has been fun, it really has, and I get sad when I think about some of the things I'll miss... but I'm ready for the baby.
I've been thinking this past week about just how much I have changed. I think I've completely forgotten what my old self used to be like. Not personality wise; besides more crying... I think I'm still the same. But just body wise. I've started thinking about things that I now consider normal, and I've realized that they didn't used to be there at all. I didn't used to get severely winded walking up the stairs. My back didn't used to hurt all day. My feet used to be an 8, not a 9. I didn't used to get kicked in the ribs. I didn't used to get heartburn. My hair and nails don't normally grow at the speed of light. I didn't used to eat all day. I used to sleep on my stomach every night. I used to always be cold. I didn't used to wake up three and four times a night to go to the bathroom. I didn't used to drink a gallon of water a day. I used to have an "inie." I didn't used to have so many veins on my stomach. I used to paint my toes all by myself. This list goes on, but there are just some things you don't want to read. I have started wondering just how much of the old me I'll get back when she's out. I'm fairly certain I'll lose the weight, but will my feet shrink back to normal? Will I keep chugging water like I'll never drink again? Will my hair stop growing at the speed of light? Will I make it up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing? I guess time will tell. I'll be sure to let you know. But it is surreal just how much I consider normal now. Except when I really think about it - the fact that there is a child in my stomach moving all day long doesn't phase me anymore. However, when I think about it... it rocks my world.
Do you know why else I'm ready? Since we're getting close, and I have enforced the answer the phone rule with Kyle - I can't call him without knowing he freaks when he sees my name pop up. I really try not to call, because I want to save that for "the call," but sometimes I have to - and I wince as it's ringing, because I know he will answer frantic. And he does. Most of the time saying, "what's wrong?!" Ha - somehow I have to explain to him that when he does get that magical call, things will not be wrong... they will be so very right! It's not just him though, my mom is just as bad. Only she sounds like she's just run a marathon. Out of breath, and completely out of sorts. The first time it happened, I thought something was wrong with her. But she let me know that she now thinks every time I call will be "the call." I thought my sister was still pretty sane, but yesterday when I called her she answered not with a Hello, but with a, "are you in labor?" Then when I said no, she said, "let me call you back then." Ha - thanks. However, I'm not sure if I'll call her at all when I go into labor. I distinctly remember her not leaving a voicemail when she went to the hospital with Zoey. I don't know, the jury's still out on that one. Even my grandma, who lives in New York, can't answer without thinking it's the call. I called her just to say, "Hello" the other day, and she quickly responded, "Oh, honey, I thought you were calling me from the hospital." So, although it's a little fun, I'm ready to not put people in panic by calling to ask how they are or what they're doing. Also, every time I call someone and have to explain that no, I am not in the hospital - I'm also reminding myself that, no, I'm not in the hospital. Ugh. I'm ready to be in the hospital!
A couple of things have led me to believe that I will be at the hospital soon though. They both happened yesterday. It started off by waking up at 7am ready to face the day. I came downstairs, scarfed breakfast, wrote a blog, and headed to the kitchen. I was going to save my cooking for these next couple weeks when I have nothing else to do - but I had a serious burst of energy and just wanted it done. So I cooked, and cooked. We now have four meals of hamburgers, four meals of chicken, one meal of chicken fajitas, two frozen pizzas (I didn't cook those), and a meatloaf and lasagna put together, but not yet baked. All of this by 9:30am. Every one of my emails tells me a "sudden burst of energy" is a sign, however, I have had lots of sudden bursts in the last couple months - so I'm not sure how to judge this one. Again, time will tell. The second came late last night. I was sick most of the day, but I've been sick most of every day these past few weeks. Although, yesterday it was worse than others. And kept getting worse. Kyle had a softball game (in the heat), and by the time we got home (I should not have gone), I was just done. I wasn't hungry, and as we sat and watched TV I noticed myself getting sicker and sicker. Flashbacks of weeks 4-14 were haunting me. My mouth was also doing that fun watering thing. I should also note, that I didn't take my unisom the night before (yes, I'm still taking that), because it had run out. I got up and tried to throw up once... no dice. But I decided if it was the unisom, I couldn't afford not to take it again and was about to go get some. But that wonderful husband of mine went to get it for me. When he got back things were even worse. I opened the unisom, but couldn't bring myself to swallow it. I just knew it would come back up and be a waste. So I held it for five minutes... then my world came crashing down. Our house is not that big, and there is not much room between the couch and the bathroom - but I have never been closer to not making it to the bathroom. And I threw up, and threw up, and threw up, and threw up, and threw up... and when there was nothing left... I dry heaved, and dry heaved, and dry heaved. I don't care if that grosses you out - I was the one covered in it. Now, also in my emails on the signs of labor is vomiting. Check. It could have been from the heat or the lack of unisom the night before - but all I know is I have never thrown up that violently in my life. Side note: Do you know how hard it is to throw up with a baby in your stomach... kicking! Yeh - she didn't even stop to let mom throw up in peace.
We went to the doctor again. Things are good - moving right along. I gained 1/2 a lb, and there was a little more labor progress, so I'm a happy girl. But all in all, the only thing that matters are the contractions so I've just got to keep watching them and hope they get painful and consistent. Leah kicked the nurse and flipped sides so we had to wait for her to calm down to get her heartbeat... but it was as good as ever, 148. She also told me that Leah was a good 7lbs, and that she is/would be a good sized baby! Yay - I might just get those chubby cheeks!! I've been out of her office for about an hour now, and all I want to do is go back. This waiting game is driving me insane.
That's about it. Leah is good. I'm good. Kyle's good. I hope I don't have to write any more of these blogs. I would much rather blog about the day I went into labor or about our days with her at home. Sigh. See you next week??
We made it through the ridiculous stress of last week. Preparing for that test like he does wore all three of us out. But, in case you missed it, he passed! We are in the clear to have this baby! And so has begun the round the clock waiting and daydreaming for just what that day will bring.
I.Am.Ready.
I do love that every day she's in there she gets a little fatter. I can't wait to kiss those fat cheeks. But, that's just it... I'm ready to kiss those fat cheeks! Her moving around in my belly is still fascinating and fun, but I'm ready to see her move around outside of my belly. Her room is clean and perfect, but I'm ready to see it messy, with diapers and clothes everywhere. My shins are being good sports, but they are ready to go back to just carrying one of us around. The elastic waists are fun, but I'm ready to button pants like a big girl again. Her hiccups crack me up still, but I'm ready to hear them as well. I have enjoyed referring to myself as a "we," but I'm ready to just be a me again. It's fun to talk to my belly and refer to it as a "she," but I'm ready to talk directly to Leah and call her by name. Pregnancy has been fun, it really has, and I get sad when I think about some of the things I'll miss... but I'm ready for the baby.
I've been thinking this past week about just how much I have changed. I think I've completely forgotten what my old self used to be like. Not personality wise; besides more crying... I think I'm still the same. But just body wise. I've started thinking about things that I now consider normal, and I've realized that they didn't used to be there at all. I didn't used to get severely winded walking up the stairs. My back didn't used to hurt all day. My feet used to be an 8, not a 9. I didn't used to get kicked in the ribs. I didn't used to get heartburn. My hair and nails don't normally grow at the speed of light. I didn't used to eat all day. I used to sleep on my stomach every night. I used to always be cold. I didn't used to wake up three and four times a night to go to the bathroom. I didn't used to drink a gallon of water a day. I used to have an "inie." I didn't used to have so many veins on my stomach. I used to paint my toes all by myself. This list goes on, but there are just some things you don't want to read. I have started wondering just how much of the old me I'll get back when she's out. I'm fairly certain I'll lose the weight, but will my feet shrink back to normal? Will I keep chugging water like I'll never drink again? Will my hair stop growing at the speed of light? Will I make it up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing? I guess time will tell. I'll be sure to let you know. But it is surreal just how much I consider normal now. Except when I really think about it - the fact that there is a child in my stomach moving all day long doesn't phase me anymore. However, when I think about it... it rocks my world.
Do you know why else I'm ready? Since we're getting close, and I have enforced the answer the phone rule with Kyle - I can't call him without knowing he freaks when he sees my name pop up. I really try not to call, because I want to save that for "the call," but sometimes I have to - and I wince as it's ringing, because I know he will answer frantic. And he does. Most of the time saying, "what's wrong?!" Ha - somehow I have to explain to him that when he does get that magical call, things will not be wrong... they will be so very right! It's not just him though, my mom is just as bad. Only she sounds like she's just run a marathon. Out of breath, and completely out of sorts. The first time it happened, I thought something was wrong with her. But she let me know that she now thinks every time I call will be "the call." I thought my sister was still pretty sane, but yesterday when I called her she answered not with a Hello, but with a, "are you in labor?" Then when I said no, she said, "let me call you back then." Ha - thanks. However, I'm not sure if I'll call her at all when I go into labor. I distinctly remember her not leaving a voicemail when she went to the hospital with Zoey. I don't know, the jury's still out on that one. Even my grandma, who lives in New York, can't answer without thinking it's the call. I called her just to say, "Hello" the other day, and she quickly responded, "Oh, honey, I thought you were calling me from the hospital." So, although it's a little fun, I'm ready to not put people in panic by calling to ask how they are or what they're doing. Also, every time I call someone and have to explain that no, I am not in the hospital - I'm also reminding myself that, no, I'm not in the hospital. Ugh. I'm ready to be in the hospital!
A couple of things have led me to believe that I will be at the hospital soon though. They both happened yesterday. It started off by waking up at 7am ready to face the day. I came downstairs, scarfed breakfast, wrote a blog, and headed to the kitchen. I was going to save my cooking for these next couple weeks when I have nothing else to do - but I had a serious burst of energy and just wanted it done. So I cooked, and cooked. We now have four meals of hamburgers, four meals of chicken, one meal of chicken fajitas, two frozen pizzas (I didn't cook those), and a meatloaf and lasagna put together, but not yet baked. All of this by 9:30am. Every one of my emails tells me a "sudden burst of energy" is a sign, however, I have had lots of sudden bursts in the last couple months - so I'm not sure how to judge this one. Again, time will tell. The second came late last night. I was sick most of the day, but I've been sick most of every day these past few weeks. Although, yesterday it was worse than others. And kept getting worse. Kyle had a softball game (in the heat), and by the time we got home (I should not have gone), I was just done. I wasn't hungry, and as we sat and watched TV I noticed myself getting sicker and sicker. Flashbacks of weeks 4-14 were haunting me. My mouth was also doing that fun watering thing. I should also note, that I didn't take my unisom the night before (yes, I'm still taking that), because it had run out. I got up and tried to throw up once... no dice. But I decided if it was the unisom, I couldn't afford not to take it again and was about to go get some. But that wonderful husband of mine went to get it for me. When he got back things were even worse. I opened the unisom, but couldn't bring myself to swallow it. I just knew it would come back up and be a waste. So I held it for five minutes... then my world came crashing down. Our house is not that big, and there is not much room between the couch and the bathroom - but I have never been closer to not making it to the bathroom. And I threw up, and threw up, and threw up, and threw up, and threw up... and when there was nothing left... I dry heaved, and dry heaved, and dry heaved. I don't care if that grosses you out - I was the one covered in it. Now, also in my emails on the signs of labor is vomiting. Check. It could have been from the heat or the lack of unisom the night before - but all I know is I have never thrown up that violently in my life. Side note: Do you know how hard it is to throw up with a baby in your stomach... kicking! Yeh - she didn't even stop to let mom throw up in peace.
We went to the doctor again. Things are good - moving right along. I gained 1/2 a lb, and there was a little more labor progress, so I'm a happy girl. But all in all, the only thing that matters are the contractions so I've just got to keep watching them and hope they get painful and consistent. Leah kicked the nurse and flipped sides so we had to wait for her to calm down to get her heartbeat... but it was as good as ever, 148. She also told me that Leah was a good 7lbs, and that she is/would be a good sized baby! Yay - I might just get those chubby cheeks!! I've been out of her office for about an hour now, and all I want to do is go back. This waiting game is driving me insane.
That's about it. Leah is good. I'm good. Kyle's good. I hope I don't have to write any more of these blogs. I would much rather blog about the day I went into labor or about our days with her at home. Sigh. See you next week??
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day, Dad!
It's Father's Day. Another one of those days, I just get to sit and think about how lucky I am.
And I am.
I got two parents that love each other, and have loved my sister and I our whole lives. That's pretty special. And almost rare these days. Like the mother's day blog, this one has been a little tricky to come up with. It's hard when you're just used to loving your parents your whole life. You don't ever really have to think about why. It's just a fact. I learned through these two blogs, that I take them both for granted - and don't think nearly enough about just how and why they are so special. More so than all the other parents out there :).
But like my mom, I also subconsciously learned a lot from my dad. He's a pretty funny guy. He has an incessant need to go to walmart on a daily basis. He's Italian, so he's loud. And the more people around, the louder he gets, and the more his hands move. Talk radio is his best friend. I think he has 74 drills, and always wants a new one for Christmas. He loves God, something I never knew was so valuable to watch growing up. And he would give anyone anything - on the spot.
Do you know people that when they say they'll pray for you, you instantly feel better. Like God can hear their prayers better than the rest of the world? Like He likes them better, so He'll listen more closely? I know that's not true - but I feel that way with my dad. He's the most Christ-like person I know, and I didn't know how much of a blessing that was until later in life. He used to read the Bible with us growing up, he prayed before every meal, and I'd watch him give our stuff away if someone needed it more. All of those things got on my nerves growing up. I would have rather watched TV, just let me eat my food already, and, "Um, that's ours." But what's funny is... it all stuck. Funny how that happens. Kyle and I read our Bibles. We pray before meals. And I love giving stuff away, almost to a fault. And I learned it all from my dad. In a world where kids learn a lot of bad habits from their dads, I'm lucky to have picked up some pretty good ones.
With my mother's day blog, I could parallel how I want to mother Leah based on how she raised us. With this one, I'm not going to be a dad - but I married one - and sometimes it just freaks me out who I married. My 16 year old self would have swore I would not "marry my dad" as they say. But do you know what I've learned in the past year? I totally have. And my 16 year old self would roll her eyes at me for saying this, but I'm completely okay with it. I was raised by a guy that loved God and was never ashamed or scared to talk about it. I married the same guy. I was raised by a guy that was the spiritual leader in our family. And low and behold, I've learned I married the same guy. I was raised by a guy that probably would have had a lot of fun raising a boy, but loved his girls more than anything. And I've already learned I married the same guy. I was raised by a guy who made me feel safe and secure, happy, and like I would always be taken care of. And that's exactly who I married.
My 16 year old self is covering her ears by this point, but I am so excited that Leah gets a dad like my dad. They're not identical, but they've got all the important stuff in common. She's a lucky little girl. She gets to meet not only her dad whom she will fall in love with, but as her cousins can attest to - she gets to soon meet her grandpa whom she will fall in love with. Hopefully, she will pick up on what a wonderful example he is and consider herself very lucky!
Thanks for giving me everything that mattered, Dad! Happy Father's Day - I love you!!
And I am.
I got two parents that love each other, and have loved my sister and I our whole lives. That's pretty special. And almost rare these days. Like the mother's day blog, this one has been a little tricky to come up with. It's hard when you're just used to loving your parents your whole life. You don't ever really have to think about why. It's just a fact. I learned through these two blogs, that I take them both for granted - and don't think nearly enough about just how and why they are so special. More so than all the other parents out there :).
But like my mom, I also subconsciously learned a lot from my dad. He's a pretty funny guy. He has an incessant need to go to walmart on a daily basis. He's Italian, so he's loud. And the more people around, the louder he gets, and the more his hands move. Talk radio is his best friend. I think he has 74 drills, and always wants a new one for Christmas. He loves God, something I never knew was so valuable to watch growing up. And he would give anyone anything - on the spot.
Do you know people that when they say they'll pray for you, you instantly feel better. Like God can hear their prayers better than the rest of the world? Like He likes them better, so He'll listen more closely? I know that's not true - but I feel that way with my dad. He's the most Christ-like person I know, and I didn't know how much of a blessing that was until later in life. He used to read the Bible with us growing up, he prayed before every meal, and I'd watch him give our stuff away if someone needed it more. All of those things got on my nerves growing up. I would have rather watched TV, just let me eat my food already, and, "Um, that's ours." But what's funny is... it all stuck. Funny how that happens. Kyle and I read our Bibles. We pray before meals. And I love giving stuff away, almost to a fault. And I learned it all from my dad. In a world where kids learn a lot of bad habits from their dads, I'm lucky to have picked up some pretty good ones.
With my mother's day blog, I could parallel how I want to mother Leah based on how she raised us. With this one, I'm not going to be a dad - but I married one - and sometimes it just freaks me out who I married. My 16 year old self would have swore I would not "marry my dad" as they say. But do you know what I've learned in the past year? I totally have. And my 16 year old self would roll her eyes at me for saying this, but I'm completely okay with it. I was raised by a guy that loved God and was never ashamed or scared to talk about it. I married the same guy. I was raised by a guy that was the spiritual leader in our family. And low and behold, I've learned I married the same guy. I was raised by a guy that probably would have had a lot of fun raising a boy, but loved his girls more than anything. And I've already learned I married the same guy. I was raised by a guy who made me feel safe and secure, happy, and like I would always be taken care of. And that's exactly who I married.
My 16 year old self is covering her ears by this point, but I am so excited that Leah gets a dad like my dad. They're not identical, but they've got all the important stuff in common. She's a lucky little girl. She gets to meet not only her dad whom she will fall in love with, but as her cousins can attest to - she gets to soon meet her grandpa whom she will fall in love with. Hopefully, she will pick up on what a wonderful example he is and consider herself very lucky!
Thanks for giving me everything that mattered, Dad! Happy Father's Day - I love you!!
Friday, June 17, 2011
He Passed!
Well, HE DID IT! He passed another one of his obnoxious exams!!
My husband, Kyle Proebsting, is an actuary. Do you even know what that is? I sure didn't. Have you seen the movie Along Came Polly? Ben Stiller? That's who I married. He plays with numbers and formulas all day, it's really pretty gross. I would tell you more about what it is that he does, but honestly, I don't know. It is beyond anything I can comprehend. But then again, I have trouble with negatives and positives. This is another one of those things, like the chicken strips, that makes me question how we stayed together. The girl that is brought to tears by a division sign married the guy that uses math in it's most difficult form.
He definitely deserves an entire blog post on this one. I am in awe of the fact that he has the stamina to study for these tests, let alone pass them. When did he start studying for this test? In January. What's today? June 17th. It's absolutely disgusting, really. I challenge anyone that thinks they have a harder job. Although, you'd have to fight with him... cause I wouldn't even know how to debate it. I just know that he wins, automatically.
These fun exams that he takes take up most of his free time. He comes home from work (doing this stuff all day), works out, and studies for two hours (at least) every night. He may be in an office normal hours, but his day does not end there. I'd like to complain about it, and about the fact that I don't get to see him when he gets home at night. But that just wouldn't be fair. It's not like he enjoys it, and he does it all for both of us, so that would just be selfish of me. Leah and I find plenty of things to do to occupy our time, don't worry about us. The nesting helps tons. And then we get dinner ready, and usually eat when he gets finished around seven. It's not so bad. And the two of us have it easier than him - so we will just keep our mouths shut if we ever feel neglected! Being an actuary requires some serious commitment, and I quickly learned that marrying one requires almost the same amount. But we're so proud of him - and results like this make it all worth while.
So since he has been studying for this one exam since January, he's a shoe-in to pass, right? Wrong. Here's how it was described to me. Take 2500 students that only get, and have only ever gotten straight A's. (That's Kyle). Put them in a room with a 35 question test. Give them three and a half hours to complete those 35 problems. Now FAIL sixty percent of them. You're not just failing people like me that were good students, but not straight A students. You're failing the kids that don't know what it's like to get a B. And the funny thing about the 35 problems? They only grade 30 of them. Five of them they just throw out. Nice, huh? And how do you take these kids and torture them more? Well, you give them a "pass" or "fail" at the end of the test. When he finishes the final question, he will click the mouse one more time to reveal the results. Brutal. These tests are no joke. And Leah's dad is one of the few forty percent that passed. So naturally, that makes him smarter than sixty percent of the smartest people in the world. I think - see, that might not be true and I don't even realize it. That's what happens when I use numbers and words like "percent." I'm not even qualified enough to write this blog. But I think I'm right. He'll have to tell me when he reads it...
Thankfully, these exams don't go on forever. He will one day get to come home and just sit. And we are all anxiously waiting for that day. Today was a big one though, he passed his fifth and final preliminary exam. And just in time for Leah. He won't have to rush to start studying for the next big test right away, he will get to relax with me and soak up the little one. He talks about Modules, I think they're next. I'm not sure what they are, but I don't think they are the same as these tests. Then there are a couple other steps... then he's finished! (Again, I'm obviously not really sure what exactly it is that he does).
Now before I wrap this up, I snuck into his office and snapped some pictures, so you can have a visual. I knew I wouldn't be able to describe it all:
Are you impressed yet?
Now I will let you in on a little secret. You may be wondering how I took pictures, and wrote this blog so quickly. Well, that's not how it happened. I am actually writing this blog on Sunday, June 5th. You see, I know he's going to pass. He never gives himself any credit, and never relaxes until they're over. But I have all the confidence in the world in him. He has started taking practice exams, and has passed everyone of them. He doesn't even get excited about it. He will not let himself be happy until he takes the real thing and passes it. But I'm happy and excited already. He will pass, and I will be ready to post this blog before he even gets home! And where is Kyle right now? He's watching X-Men First Class. He woke up, studied, went to the movies, and in about 30 minutes he will be home to study some more. I took advantage of my opportunity to sneak some pictures, and write without fear of getting caught.
Congratulations, baby! Thanks for working so hard for us - we're SO proud of you!
Oh, and Leah - times up! Your dad took and passed his test. You have to come out now - we'll be waiting for you!!
My husband, Kyle Proebsting, is an actuary. Do you even know what that is? I sure didn't. Have you seen the movie Along Came Polly? Ben Stiller? That's who I married. He plays with numbers and formulas all day, it's really pretty gross. I would tell you more about what it is that he does, but honestly, I don't know. It is beyond anything I can comprehend. But then again, I have trouble with negatives and positives. This is another one of those things, like the chicken strips, that makes me question how we stayed together. The girl that is brought to tears by a division sign married the guy that uses math in it's most difficult form.
He definitely deserves an entire blog post on this one. I am in awe of the fact that he has the stamina to study for these tests, let alone pass them. When did he start studying for this test? In January. What's today? June 17th. It's absolutely disgusting, really. I challenge anyone that thinks they have a harder job. Although, you'd have to fight with him... cause I wouldn't even know how to debate it. I just know that he wins, automatically.
These fun exams that he takes take up most of his free time. He comes home from work (doing this stuff all day), works out, and studies for two hours (at least) every night. He may be in an office normal hours, but his day does not end there. I'd like to complain about it, and about the fact that I don't get to see him when he gets home at night. But that just wouldn't be fair. It's not like he enjoys it, and he does it all for both of us, so that would just be selfish of me. Leah and I find plenty of things to do to occupy our time, don't worry about us. The nesting helps tons. And then we get dinner ready, and usually eat when he gets finished around seven. It's not so bad. And the two of us have it easier than him - so we will just keep our mouths shut if we ever feel neglected! Being an actuary requires some serious commitment, and I quickly learned that marrying one requires almost the same amount. But we're so proud of him - and results like this make it all worth while.
So since he has been studying for this one exam since January, he's a shoe-in to pass, right? Wrong. Here's how it was described to me. Take 2500 students that only get, and have only ever gotten straight A's. (That's Kyle). Put them in a room with a 35 question test. Give them three and a half hours to complete those 35 problems. Now FAIL sixty percent of them. You're not just failing people like me that were good students, but not straight A students. You're failing the kids that don't know what it's like to get a B. And the funny thing about the 35 problems? They only grade 30 of them. Five of them they just throw out. Nice, huh? And how do you take these kids and torture them more? Well, you give them a "pass" or "fail" at the end of the test. When he finishes the final question, he will click the mouse one more time to reveal the results. Brutal. These tests are no joke. And Leah's dad is one of the few forty percent that passed. So naturally, that makes him smarter than sixty percent of the smartest people in the world. I think - see, that might not be true and I don't even realize it. That's what happens when I use numbers and words like "percent." I'm not even qualified enough to write this blog. But I think I'm right. He'll have to tell me when he reads it...
Thankfully, these exams don't go on forever. He will one day get to come home and just sit. And we are all anxiously waiting for that day. Today was a big one though, he passed his fifth and final preliminary exam. And just in time for Leah. He won't have to rush to start studying for the next big test right away, he will get to relax with me and soak up the little one. He talks about Modules, I think they're next. I'm not sure what they are, but I don't think they are the same as these tests. Then there are a couple other steps... then he's finished! (Again, I'm obviously not really sure what exactly it is that he does).
Now before I wrap this up, I snuck into his office and snapped some pictures, so you can have a visual. I knew I wouldn't be able to describe it all:
 |
| This is what he studies from. He doesn't even have a teacher to tell him how to do it. They give him a manual and wish him luck. |
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| The thickness. |
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| In case you were wondering how to do number 16 or 17. |
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| And his own notes. Gross, gross, gross. |
Are you impressed yet?
Now I will let you in on a little secret. You may be wondering how I took pictures, and wrote this blog so quickly. Well, that's not how it happened. I am actually writing this blog on Sunday, June 5th. You see, I know he's going to pass. He never gives himself any credit, and never relaxes until they're over. But I have all the confidence in the world in him. He has started taking practice exams, and has passed everyone of them. He doesn't even get excited about it. He will not let himself be happy until he takes the real thing and passes it. But I'm happy and excited already. He will pass, and I will be ready to post this blog before he even gets home! And where is Kyle right now? He's watching X-Men First Class. He woke up, studied, went to the movies, and in about 30 minutes he will be home to study some more. I took advantage of my opportunity to sneak some pictures, and write without fear of getting caught.
Congratulations, baby! Thanks for working so hard for us - we're SO proud of you!
Oh, and Leah - times up! Your dad took and passed his test. You have to come out now - we'll be waiting for you!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
37 Weeks! Full Term!!
Well, we did it! Leah Caroline Proebsting is a full.term.baby. And oh my goodness, you don't know how much of a relief that is. Or maybe you do, but either way... I am one happy mama. I don't want to dwell on it too much, however, she's still not in my arms... but it is definitely a huge milestone. We are finally at the point that if she came today, no one would be concerned. She has done a good job growing herself into a little person, and now we all just wait. And wait. And wait. But it's a fun wait, the anticipation is indescribable! And the fact that at any moment I could start having real contractions, or my water could break is completely... well I don't even know what to say about that. It's huge.
As excited as I am today, I will be one thousand times more excited on Friday. Finally, Kyle's test will be over. Even though it's completely normal for Leah to come today, we would still really prefer her to come after his test. Obviously, there will be no stopping her once she decides to come - but I think we've reached an understanding with her and she has agreed to wait. But starting Friday, even Friday afternoon... all systems are a go. And you had better believe I will be trying out every wives tail in the book to ease her along. I've just got to see that little face of hers! I was in Target the other day, and somewhere close to me was a newborn crying. That perfect cry that only the most new babies can make. And I can honestly say I've never wanted Leah more. I've wanted her this entire pregnancy, but hearing that baby cry, my heart just ached for her to be in my arms. I want to hear her cry, and be the one that soothes her. And then naturally, I teared up. The workers of Target must think I'm some sort of lunatic. I swear something makes me cry every time I'm in that store. Thankfully, I got a solid right hook to the side to snap me out of it. Thanks, bug.
Well, she's 37 weeks old. Everything is finished. Her height should be maxed out (God, I hope so), but she is still packin' on the pounds. And moving right along with schedule, she should be six and a half. She's a pretty obedient baby from what I can tell. If she gets herself in a position that I just can't handle, most of the time I can push on her(politely) and she will readjust. She is still ridiculously low. And by that I mean, sometimes I check to see if she is falling out. She switches sides from time to time, but for the most part she really prefers hanging out on my left side. I really worried about her one night last week. I woke up to go to the bathroom as usual, except this time she wasn't moving. Most people might not think anything of that, but remember, I have a baby that doesn't stop moving. I'm not lying when I say every time I wake up at night she is moving. I was instantly worried. I'm used to being greeted at 2am by a kick or a case of the hiccups. But she was still. When I got back into bed I couldn't fall asleep, I was worried about her! So I did all I could think of... and started poking. And I guess she was sleeping cause she started moving for me. And as I tried to fall back asleep, I completely regretted that decision.
This past week has been a rough one for her mama. For the first time, I feel every bit pregnant. I'm heavy, my belly is as hard as a rock, I can't stand for long or my heels shoot pains up my legs, I get a fair amount of braxton hicks contractions, I can't breathe, I'm hot, my back hurts, and I'm sluggish. (Geez, whine much)? Maybe it's the fact that the temperature was not below 97 until Saturday. Gross. I even asked Kyle how many times he thought he could eat subway this week, cause I just can't stand the thought of cooking for several reasons. 1) the thought of the oven on makes me shutter 2) the thought of grilling outside makes me shutter 3) the thought of standing on the kitchen floor for more than five minutes makes me shutter 4) the thought of cleaning up after cooking makes me shutter. All of that shuttering is not worth dinner. And you might be saying, "just have Kyle cook." No no, you forgot about his test. He's not doing anything but studying this week, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So he'll eat Subway, and pizza... and I'll have cereal. Yum. Don't feel sorry for us - we all win in this situation, seriously. The need to nest is still with me though. But I've found uses for it other than cleaning. I've started stocking up on things so that we don't have to go shopping for at least three weeks after she's born. I feel like I have enough toilet paper to last us until Christmas. Which has given me reason to clean out the pantry, freezer, and bathroom closet! I will be buying extra food this weekend, and begin to cook ahead of time. I don't want to live off of take out, and I still want us to continue to eat like we have been - after all, I'll be ready to lose weight! So I'm excited about cooking ahead for us, and I'll be getting all of the ingredients to make all of our favorites. I get emails now telling me all about the signs of labor. However, they all have a buffer and make sure to include, "signs that labor is approaching in coming days or weeks." Um, duh? Even if Leah stayed in my belly as long as humanly possible, she would be here in five weeks. So really, the emails mean nothing. If I had every sign of labor, it could still take "weeks." Ugh - here starts the exciting frustration with all of the new signs I have to look out for.
And again with the doctor appointments. Every week now, and I love it. Leah was well behaved, and her heartbeat was a strong 145. And get this - I lost a pound!!! After hearing that it was normal in the end, I got very excited. After gaining weight for about 20 weeks straight, it's nice to be a pound lighter. Even though I don't feel it. I've debated sharing with you "centimeters and effacement" progress since she's checking for these now. And in the end, I decided... I'm not going to. Sorry to bum you out if you were looking forward to it - but I've got to draw a line somewhere. I will tell you she said she was low and ready... and as far as the rest of it goes, just know that I am jumping up and down on the inside. She officially put me on the lookout for contractions. I can go to the hospital when we reach 511 status. Five minutes apart, lasting a minute, for an hour straight. Stopwatches, engage.
I've been getting some serious bites of reality lately. I think it's finally, really starting to hit me. I can't force them, and I can't make myself find one. They just have to happen. It's as if God chooses the time, and then whispers in my ear, she's real - and she's coming. I can think about her on my own all I want, but when I get one of these split second tastes of reality, I am instantly overwhelmed, in a wonderful way. She will be here soon; it's a fact. We will finally get to see her face. I can finally give her a kiss. We will hear her cry. We will hold her. I will be able to see if she's got the personality I've imagined her to have. I will get to see if she actually sleeps as little as she does in my belly. We will get to see just how long and heavy she is. Some day, any day, we will finally get to meet our little girl!
From here on out, when I write these blogs I will wonder if "this is the last one I will write?!" It's a crazy feeling. But if this one isn't the last one, and I'm back here next week - Kyle's test will be over, my hair will be much shorter and lighter, my toes will be pedicured, Leah will have gone to her last Cardinals game in utero, and I will be finished working. In the words of my niece, "Oh boy!"
As excited as I am today, I will be one thousand times more excited on Friday. Finally, Kyle's test will be over. Even though it's completely normal for Leah to come today, we would still really prefer her to come after his test. Obviously, there will be no stopping her once she decides to come - but I think we've reached an understanding with her and she has agreed to wait. But starting Friday, even Friday afternoon... all systems are a go. And you had better believe I will be trying out every wives tail in the book to ease her along. I've just got to see that little face of hers! I was in Target the other day, and somewhere close to me was a newborn crying. That perfect cry that only the most new babies can make. And I can honestly say I've never wanted Leah more. I've wanted her this entire pregnancy, but hearing that baby cry, my heart just ached for her to be in my arms. I want to hear her cry, and be the one that soothes her. And then naturally, I teared up. The workers of Target must think I'm some sort of lunatic. I swear something makes me cry every time I'm in that store. Thankfully, I got a solid right hook to the side to snap me out of it. Thanks, bug.
Well, she's 37 weeks old. Everything is finished. Her height should be maxed out (God, I hope so), but she is still packin' on the pounds. And moving right along with schedule, she should be six and a half. She's a pretty obedient baby from what I can tell. If she gets herself in a position that I just can't handle, most of the time I can push on her(politely) and she will readjust. She is still ridiculously low. And by that I mean, sometimes I check to see if she is falling out. She switches sides from time to time, but for the most part she really prefers hanging out on my left side. I really worried about her one night last week. I woke up to go to the bathroom as usual, except this time she wasn't moving. Most people might not think anything of that, but remember, I have a baby that doesn't stop moving. I'm not lying when I say every time I wake up at night she is moving. I was instantly worried. I'm used to being greeted at 2am by a kick or a case of the hiccups. But she was still. When I got back into bed I couldn't fall asleep, I was worried about her! So I did all I could think of... and started poking. And I guess she was sleeping cause she started moving for me. And as I tried to fall back asleep, I completely regretted that decision.
This past week has been a rough one for her mama. For the first time, I feel every bit pregnant. I'm heavy, my belly is as hard as a rock, I can't stand for long or my heels shoot pains up my legs, I get a fair amount of braxton hicks contractions, I can't breathe, I'm hot, my back hurts, and I'm sluggish. (Geez, whine much)? Maybe it's the fact that the temperature was not below 97 until Saturday. Gross. I even asked Kyle how many times he thought he could eat subway this week, cause I just can't stand the thought of cooking for several reasons. 1) the thought of the oven on makes me shutter 2) the thought of grilling outside makes me shutter 3) the thought of standing on the kitchen floor for more than five minutes makes me shutter 4) the thought of cleaning up after cooking makes me shutter. All of that shuttering is not worth dinner. And you might be saying, "just have Kyle cook." No no, you forgot about his test. He's not doing anything but studying this week, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So he'll eat Subway, and pizza... and I'll have cereal. Yum. Don't feel sorry for us - we all win in this situation, seriously. The need to nest is still with me though. But I've found uses for it other than cleaning. I've started stocking up on things so that we don't have to go shopping for at least three weeks after she's born. I feel like I have enough toilet paper to last us until Christmas. Which has given me reason to clean out the pantry, freezer, and bathroom closet! I will be buying extra food this weekend, and begin to cook ahead of time. I don't want to live off of take out, and I still want us to continue to eat like we have been - after all, I'll be ready to lose weight! So I'm excited about cooking ahead for us, and I'll be getting all of the ingredients to make all of our favorites. I get emails now telling me all about the signs of labor. However, they all have a buffer and make sure to include, "signs that labor is approaching in coming days or weeks." Um, duh? Even if Leah stayed in my belly as long as humanly possible, she would be here in five weeks. So really, the emails mean nothing. If I had every sign of labor, it could still take "weeks." Ugh - here starts the exciting frustration with all of the new signs I have to look out for.
And again with the doctor appointments. Every week now, and I love it. Leah was well behaved, and her heartbeat was a strong 145. And get this - I lost a pound!!! After hearing that it was normal in the end, I got very excited. After gaining weight for about 20 weeks straight, it's nice to be a pound lighter. Even though I don't feel it. I've debated sharing with you "centimeters and effacement" progress since she's checking for these now. And in the end, I decided... I'm not going to. Sorry to bum you out if you were looking forward to it - but I've got to draw a line somewhere. I will tell you she said she was low and ready... and as far as the rest of it goes, just know that I am jumping up and down on the inside. She officially put me on the lookout for contractions. I can go to the hospital when we reach 511 status. Five minutes apart, lasting a minute, for an hour straight. Stopwatches, engage.
I've been getting some serious bites of reality lately. I think it's finally, really starting to hit me. I can't force them, and I can't make myself find one. They just have to happen. It's as if God chooses the time, and then whispers in my ear, she's real - and she's coming. I can think about her on my own all I want, but when I get one of these split second tastes of reality, I am instantly overwhelmed, in a wonderful way. She will be here soon; it's a fact. We will finally get to see her face. I can finally give her a kiss. We will hear her cry. We will hold her. I will be able to see if she's got the personality I've imagined her to have. I will get to see if she actually sleeps as little as she does in my belly. We will get to see just how long and heavy she is. Some day, any day, we will finally get to meet our little girl!
From here on out, when I write these blogs I will wonder if "this is the last one I will write?!" It's a crazy feeling. But if this one isn't the last one, and I'm back here next week - Kyle's test will be over, my hair will be much shorter and lighter, my toes will be pedicured, Leah will have gone to her last Cardinals game in utero, and I will be finished working. In the words of my niece, "Oh boy!"
Sunday, June 12, 2011
How Long is Nine Months?
As I was laying in bed last night, exhausted, but not able to go to sleep - I started thinking of just how long I've been pregnant. I started thinking of the fun events that have happened, the holidays that have passed, and even some of the sad things that have gone on. I thought I'd share with you just how long nine months is. From beginning to end, here is everything Leah has experienced with us:
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| At our friends wedding, clueless as to what was going on in my stomach. Leah was about 2 weeks old. I was about 30lbs lighter, and her dad was about 40lbs heavier. |
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| Halloween 2010. We carved pumpkins the night after we took the test. |
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| Thanksgiving 2010. About 7 weeks. I threw up Thanksgiving dinner at 2am. |
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| Throwing a party for my pregnant sister and baby Ali. 9.5 weeks. |
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| Christmas 2010. Leah was almost 13 weeks. |
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| New Years 2011! She was 14 weeks, and the two of us stayed up way.too.late. |
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| Her cousin baby Ali was welcomed into the world. 21 weeks. |
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| Her dad started and finished a 12 week transformation. She celebrated weeks 14-26. |
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| I turned another year older. 26 weeks. |
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| We ushered in opening weekend for baseball - 26 weeks. |
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| Easter 2011. We took maternity pictures. 30 weeks. |
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| Leah's room was officially complete at 31 weeks. |
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| We celebrated our first wedding anniversary with a 32 week old Leah. |
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| Sweet Buddie went to be with Jesus when Leah was 36 weeks. I can't wait to introduce her to Bella! |
Nine months is a long time. A lot of really good things have happened while Leah has been growing herself. But with only three weeks left, I am so very excited with the thought that we won't experience much more without her in our arms!
Monday, June 6, 2011
36 Weeks. I'm Next!
Thirty six weeks. Thir.ty.Six.We.ek.s.
In the letters of seventeen year old girls everywhere... O.M.G.
We're getting there, we're really getting there. I thought for a day or two last week that time stopped, but then it picked back up again, thank goodness. Sometimes shorter weeks make everything feel longer, but we made it through the week, and here we are starting 36! Thirty six weeks also means I am starting the 9th month. I'm 9 months pregnant, holy crap. If I didn't waddle, eat, and sweat like some sort of freak I might not believe it. But thankfully, I do all three of those things at the same time - so I'm convinced that I am indeed nine months pregnant. Yes! We made it! For those of you just catching on, pregnancy does not end at nine months, you have to make it through the 9th month, so it's actually 10. But regardless, we are in the last month and so close to meeting the little bug.
All I can think about is labor. I thought I was bad before, but it is all consuming. It's not so much being in labor and the pain and all that, it's more the constant daydreaming about just where I'll (we'll) be when it starts. Will it be me jumping up from a sound sleep at 2am? Will my water flood the isles of Target? Will we just be watching tv? Will Kyle be at a softball game? Will he be at work? What will I say if I have to call him? I'm not one for surprises. I don't like surprise parties, I don't like surprise trips, I don't like surprise visitors. And this is the surprise of a lifetime, so you can imagine the obsessing I've been doing over it. But I've only got a month left to obsess over it - I wonder what kind of frenzy I'll work myself into? I can't wait until I can write the blog on it.
Here's the exciting news, though. My friend Vicki had her beautiful baby girl last week. And I am so excited for her. We've been waiting to see little Mia Kate for a long time now. She is the third in the Zoey, Ali, Mia, and Leah best friends circle. Do you know who the fourth is?! You guessed it. Or maybe I told you. But either way... I'm next! It all started with my sister having Ali earlier this year. Since then I have watched what seems like a million people have babies, all the while waiting patiently for my turn. And I am happy to say, there is officially no one left that will have a baby before me! It's our turn, Leah! We don't have to go through the torture anymore!
Well, at 36 weeks what is Leah doing? Getting fat. That's all she does. She rolls, eats, and gets fat. Her height should be around 20-21 inches, and she is a six pounder. As far as all of her systems go, she is ready to meet us. I guess she will decide when she is actually ready. I'm hanging on to my theory that she will be early. But I'm sure everyone thinks that of their babies. She's still so dang active! When does the slowing down I've been reading about happen? Not this one, I guess she's not reading the same emails I am. I can't wait to see the little face that has been bruising my insides for so long. I've started to get pretty weirded out by her. Not in a bad way. But now that I can see her limbs, and back, and butt, and elbows, and fists, and feet... I realize how real she is. There is a real freaking baby in there, excuse my french. I mean, the kid is as real as they come. Just hanging out, living in my stomach. I watch her distort my stomach for the better part of every day, and it's just plain weird. Not only does she move, but she has a brain and reflexes and she understands some things. I poke her and she kicks back. I push her out from under my ribs and she rolls right back in there. I push on her rump and she moves it. She hears her dad talk and she starts dancing. I eat something sweet and she gets so excited she almost always gives herself the hiccups. This little girl is real. And someday soon she is just going to come out a fully formed baby like it's no big deal. Like she didn't used to be the size of an apple seed. Like she didn't used to have a tail. Like she didn't used to be transparent. And like she didn't grow cell by cell, organ by organ, limb by limb, inch by inch, and pound by pound until she was complete. Are you with me? Crazy.
And at 36 weeks what are her parents doing? Getting fat. Ha, okay... just me. (Ugh, when does that stop)? Kyle's still got his rockin' body. Her car seat is locked and loaded - ready for her little body. The mirror has been installed above it, and I look into it constantly like I'm actually going to see her face in there. Her coming home from the hospital outfit has been chosen and packed. Everything is as clean as can be, but I'm sure I will continue to find things to clean until we go to the hospital. Speaking of which, rest easy, I found time to dust each individual DVD and organize the laundry room. Our birth plan is signed, copied, and packed. My feet and ankles are still in good condition, despite the outrageous heat. Kyle now answers his phone whenever I call! Yay! It's kind of a fun power to have, but I will try not to abuse it. We are both anxiously waiting for June 17th. Why? That is the date of Kyle's big test. Leah cannot come out before then, so I will be nervous until he takes it and passes. And he just wants to take it and pass. 11 days. Then we can all relax and focus solely on getting this baby out of my belly and into our arms. I've been having some braxton hicks contractions. Kinda freaky, but it's another sign that we're close so I'll take them. Kyle even saw one (they make my entire belly roll into a knotted ball) and made a fantastic face. It made me really excited to see all of the faces he'll make when I'm actually in labor. And last but not least, I had a meltdown in my closet Saturday. Nothing fits, and it just got to me. Obviously, there is a very large reason - but it didn't seem to matter as I was standing in my closet picking out shirt after shirt that didn't cover my belly. After having enough, I put on Kyle's clothes and took myself to Target. I really am sick of buying maternity clothes, but I can't spend the last month naked, so it was a necessity. I felt much better afterwards, and everything I got was on sale... glad that's over.
The doctors appointments keep on coming! They are getting more exciting now, however. She tells me things other than, "things look great, you're both healthy." Today we got to talk about labor, and contractions, and all kinds of fun things. Leah was up to her usual games, running from the doppler. And I was absolutely in shock at just how low she is. Her heartbeat might as well have been in one of my legs. This little girl is slowly pushing her way out. But it was as strong and fast as ever... 153. Drum roll please, I have gained 28lbs. Man, that's a lot. And at this point, I'm kinda over it. And the doctor says I'm fine. I will still eat healthy, avoid sodium, chug water, and limit my treats... but I could care less what the scale says. 28, what's a few more? I only have to get on that thing three more times!
And last but not least, I watched a bird build a nest the other day. And it's funny what will make a pregnant girl cry. Not that I haven't seen a bird make a nest before, but this time it was different. Maybe it's the fact that Leah's room has birds in it, or that I am nesting like a maniac - but that little mama bird got to me. Coming back and forth for stick after stick, flying back, and putting each stick in the proper place. Getting everything ready, and making a perfect home for her babies. I could totally relate to that bird, and I think it's funny that no matter the mama, the instincts are the same. That bird hasn't read What to Expect When You're Expecting, and she doesn't get the emails I do telling her when to do what. But she just knows when to get ready for her babies, and how to make them the best home she can. What a clever God we've got, wouldn't you say? I sure hope her nest holds up and she has perfect little babies.
Next week is the big week. Full Term. Leah will officially be expected any day. I'll say it again, O.M.G.
In the letters of seventeen year old girls everywhere... O.M.G.
We're getting there, we're really getting there. I thought for a day or two last week that time stopped, but then it picked back up again, thank goodness. Sometimes shorter weeks make everything feel longer, but we made it through the week, and here we are starting 36! Thirty six weeks also means I am starting the 9th month. I'm 9 months pregnant, holy crap. If I didn't waddle, eat, and sweat like some sort of freak I might not believe it. But thankfully, I do all three of those things at the same time - so I'm convinced that I am indeed nine months pregnant. Yes! We made it! For those of you just catching on, pregnancy does not end at nine months, you have to make it through the 9th month, so it's actually 10. But regardless, we are in the last month and so close to meeting the little bug.
All I can think about is labor. I thought I was bad before, but it is all consuming. It's not so much being in labor and the pain and all that, it's more the constant daydreaming about just where I'll (we'll) be when it starts. Will it be me jumping up from a sound sleep at 2am? Will my water flood the isles of Target? Will we just be watching tv? Will Kyle be at a softball game? Will he be at work? What will I say if I have to call him? I'm not one for surprises. I don't like surprise parties, I don't like surprise trips, I don't like surprise visitors. And this is the surprise of a lifetime, so you can imagine the obsessing I've been doing over it. But I've only got a month left to obsess over it - I wonder what kind of frenzy I'll work myself into? I can't wait until I can write the blog on it.
Here's the exciting news, though. My friend Vicki had her beautiful baby girl last week. And I am so excited for her. We've been waiting to see little Mia Kate for a long time now. She is the third in the Zoey, Ali, Mia, and Leah best friends circle. Do you know who the fourth is?! You guessed it. Or maybe I told you. But either way... I'm next! It all started with my sister having Ali earlier this year. Since then I have watched what seems like a million people have babies, all the while waiting patiently for my turn. And I am happy to say, there is officially no one left that will have a baby before me! It's our turn, Leah! We don't have to go through the torture anymore!
Well, at 36 weeks what is Leah doing? Getting fat. That's all she does. She rolls, eats, and gets fat. Her height should be around 20-21 inches, and she is a six pounder. As far as all of her systems go, she is ready to meet us. I guess she will decide when she is actually ready. I'm hanging on to my theory that she will be early. But I'm sure everyone thinks that of their babies. She's still so dang active! When does the slowing down I've been reading about happen? Not this one, I guess she's not reading the same emails I am. I can't wait to see the little face that has been bruising my insides for so long. I've started to get pretty weirded out by her. Not in a bad way. But now that I can see her limbs, and back, and butt, and elbows, and fists, and feet... I realize how real she is. There is a real freaking baby in there, excuse my french. I mean, the kid is as real as they come. Just hanging out, living in my stomach. I watch her distort my stomach for the better part of every day, and it's just plain weird. Not only does she move, but she has a brain and reflexes and she understands some things. I poke her and she kicks back. I push her out from under my ribs and she rolls right back in there. I push on her rump and she moves it. She hears her dad talk and she starts dancing. I eat something sweet and she gets so excited she almost always gives herself the hiccups. This little girl is real. And someday soon she is just going to come out a fully formed baby like it's no big deal. Like she didn't used to be the size of an apple seed. Like she didn't used to have a tail. Like she didn't used to be transparent. And like she didn't grow cell by cell, organ by organ, limb by limb, inch by inch, and pound by pound until she was complete. Are you with me? Crazy.
And at 36 weeks what are her parents doing? Getting fat. Ha, okay... just me. (Ugh, when does that stop)? Kyle's still got his rockin' body. Her car seat is locked and loaded - ready for her little body. The mirror has been installed above it, and I look into it constantly like I'm actually going to see her face in there. Her coming home from the hospital outfit has been chosen and packed. Everything is as clean as can be, but I'm sure I will continue to find things to clean until we go to the hospital. Speaking of which, rest easy, I found time to dust each individual DVD and organize the laundry room. Our birth plan is signed, copied, and packed. My feet and ankles are still in good condition, despite the outrageous heat. Kyle now answers his phone whenever I call! Yay! It's kind of a fun power to have, but I will try not to abuse it. We are both anxiously waiting for June 17th. Why? That is the date of Kyle's big test. Leah cannot come out before then, so I will be nervous until he takes it and passes. And he just wants to take it and pass. 11 days. Then we can all relax and focus solely on getting this baby out of my belly and into our arms. I've been having some braxton hicks contractions. Kinda freaky, but it's another sign that we're close so I'll take them. Kyle even saw one (they make my entire belly roll into a knotted ball) and made a fantastic face. It made me really excited to see all of the faces he'll make when I'm actually in labor. And last but not least, I had a meltdown in my closet Saturday. Nothing fits, and it just got to me. Obviously, there is a very large reason - but it didn't seem to matter as I was standing in my closet picking out shirt after shirt that didn't cover my belly. After having enough, I put on Kyle's clothes and took myself to Target. I really am sick of buying maternity clothes, but I can't spend the last month naked, so it was a necessity. I felt much better afterwards, and everything I got was on sale... glad that's over.
The doctors appointments keep on coming! They are getting more exciting now, however. She tells me things other than, "things look great, you're both healthy." Today we got to talk about labor, and contractions, and all kinds of fun things. Leah was up to her usual games, running from the doppler. And I was absolutely in shock at just how low she is. Her heartbeat might as well have been in one of my legs. This little girl is slowly pushing her way out. But it was as strong and fast as ever... 153. Drum roll please, I have gained 28lbs. Man, that's a lot. And at this point, I'm kinda over it. And the doctor says I'm fine. I will still eat healthy, avoid sodium, chug water, and limit my treats... but I could care less what the scale says. 28, what's a few more? I only have to get on that thing three more times!
And last but not least, I watched a bird build a nest the other day. And it's funny what will make a pregnant girl cry. Not that I haven't seen a bird make a nest before, but this time it was different. Maybe it's the fact that Leah's room has birds in it, or that I am nesting like a maniac - but that little mama bird got to me. Coming back and forth for stick after stick, flying back, and putting each stick in the proper place. Getting everything ready, and making a perfect home for her babies. I could totally relate to that bird, and I think it's funny that no matter the mama, the instincts are the same. That bird hasn't read What to Expect When You're Expecting, and she doesn't get the emails I do telling her when to do what. But she just knows when to get ready for her babies, and how to make them the best home she can. What a clever God we've got, wouldn't you say? I sure hope her nest holds up and she has perfect little babies.
Next week is the big week. Full Term. Leah will officially be expected any day. I'll say it again, O.M.G.
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