Do you know how absolutely bizarre that is? Well, it is. Who qualified us for this job? The reality sinks in a little more each day, probably because with each passing day we get a little closer to actually holding her. But it's just a crazy state to be in. How are you supposed to just become a parent all of a sudden?
Well, I don't know if we're right, but we've got some ideas. Obviously, we will always do what we believe to be best for Leah regardless of what anyone, any book, any movie, or any thing else might say. We'll draw from how we were brought up, we'll draw from what we've seen that we haven't agreed with, we'll draw from the Bible, and we'll draw from our own opinions. Surely with all of those things we can't screw her up too bad, right?
Our conversation sparked yesterday as I was watching a Dr. Phil episode on "extreme moms." I'm not normally a Dr. Phil fan, but I get suckered in occasionally. And with a title like that one, and a belly like mine... how could I not watch? The first mom gave left her 9 year old in Bloomingdales in NYC with a map and a subway card and told him to get himself home. Apparently, he wanted to try it as well. The second mom, made her 17 year old daughters male interests pee in a cup. See what I mean, extreme. Kyle caught the tale end of it with me, and we casually talked about it for not very long and decided we'd be somewhere in the middle.
Later that night, we carried on the same conversation we have every night."What will she look like?!" Seriously, every night. But this one expanded more into, I wonder what kind of parents we'll be? So we got to thinking, and here's what we've come up with:
Kyle: Oh boy, he's going to be good at this whole thing. I really have only seen him with little ones since Zoey and Ali have been around - but Zoey (and Im sure Ali soon enough) adores him. He's so good with her. I don't know what it is, but he smiles funny at her and she cracks up. When she hears something about Mimi (me), her brain automatically goes to Kuckle (uncle Kyle). And she asks for him. If it wasn't so cute, I'd probably be pretty offended. He's just plain good with her. He takes nothing too seriously, and doesn't get bent out of shape when she acts like the two year old that she is. He likes to hold them, and laugh with them, and play on the floor with them. And that's all I really needed to see before I made up my mind that he will be perfect with Leah. He says he won't change diapers, but he will. He's excited about playing video games while Leah is in her bouncer looking (or sleeping) on. He's ready to take her on walks with us. I don't think he'll get overwhelmed. He's never showed signs of it before. I understand that we will both probably be at our wits end at some point, but I don't think anything emotion too drastic will be seen from him. Now when she's older, I'm also excited to see him parent. You see, he's also got older nieces and nephews I've got to see him with. It's fun to watch him play catch, video games, or just goof off with them. He's just good at talking to them. And when kids get to be 12 and 13 the talking really needs to pick up. He's got that down pat. He will probably give her speeches about school, money, and boys... but she'll probably need to hear them. He was a smarty in school, and always did and tried his best at school and sports - I'm excited for her to have that example in him. He may freak out a little more when she turns 15 and 16, but what dad wouldn't? I know without asking him that he'll want her to love God, try hard in school, be a part of some kind of team, be responsible, and save money. That's just who he is - but I'm not complaining in the least. She's a lucky girl to get a dad like this one. And it's going to be fun to watch the two of them through the years.
Me: Oh dear God, help me. Kyle will be the cool, calm and collected one. And I'll be the neurotic one, rocking in the corner. No - I hope that's an exaggeration. But when she's little, while I think Kyle will be more relaxed, I will be more cautious. I will be worried by sicknesses, crying, sleeping, and eating. But all in love of course. Don't even get me started on babysitters - I've already told Kyle I can't even go there now. She's not even here yet, don't talk to me about leaving her. However, I think at the same time as being neurotic I can and will also be relaxed. I'm excited to just sit with her and take her in. I want to cuddle up with her and read her books. I want to watch her solve problems, and not just run to her rescue. I will not freak out if I have to leave her with Kyle by themselves. I don't plan on hovering or sheltering her from all of the elements. She will get germs and we will all live. She will fall at times, and she will get back up... no one will die. A dog will lick her in the face, I have no doubt... and we will all laugh. So with some things I will be uptight - I'll want her to be in bed at her nap time or bed time, I'll want her to eat healthy, and I will use "pure and free" products with her. But for the most part, she will have fun exploring her world. Kids are hilarious when they're little, and I'm excited to watch her grow up and experience the world around her. When she's older I think I will just try my best to follow Kyle's lead. I will want her to be responsible. I don't want to just hand her everything even if we have the means to do it. I don't want her to be stressed out or ever resent anything she's doing with her life. I want her to be happy. I want her to enjoy dating. I want her to be able to talk to me about anything. Hopefully that line of communication will start when her words start. I will want her to love God, have fun in school, be a part of some kind of team, be independent, and kind.
Together: I think we'll have a good balance together. Kyle's a saver, I'm a spender. Kyle's a studier, I'm a procrastinator. Kyle's active, I like to watch him be active. Kyle's an analyzer, I'm impulsive. Not one of us is too much of one of those things. So far we're pretty good and taking care of the other one when we get too far on the spectrum. I don't let him save too much, he doesn't let me spend too much. I don't let him play softball 5 nights a week, he makes me go on walks. I don't let him think too much, he doen't let me do things without thinking. So throw Leah into that mix, and hopefully the best of both of us will come out in her. Hopefully. We're not complete opposites though, we've got some things in common believe it or not. We love God, and we want that for Leah. We love the Cardinals and we'll want her to love them with us. We eat healthy and we'll teach her to eat healthy. We love labs, and we'll want her to love her lab brother. We are not a fan of the guilt trip method of parenting, and we'll try to avoid it. We'll spank her on the bottom when it's absolutely necessary. We will try our darndest not to fight in front of her, or talk money in front of her. We will let her watch tv, but we will also get her outside. She won't get a new car when she's 16, I don't care if we win the lottery. She won't have a cell phone when she's 10. Nothing she wears will be too short, too low, or too tight. She can get a tattoo if she wants one. She can get a job and earn money to buy things for herself. She will work for scholarships. She will help around the house.
I don't know - it's all pretty tricky when you sit down to think of how it all will go. And maybe it will go nothing like this. Maybe I'll read this blog in 10 years and look back and laugh at myself. I think though, I really think that even with the two of us, the two that laughed our way through the breastfeeding class, Leah will have a fighting chance in this world. You might not agree with anything we're going to do. And that's okay. But this is how we've decided would be the best way to raise Leah. Hopefully she'll understand that no matter what we do it's with her best interest at heart and that we love her and want her to grow up happy and with all the opportunity in the world.
I hope most of all that we just laugh with her. That's what we do most of all now anyways, and I hope that doesn't change. I think we will. I think we'll laugh watching each other try to do this, I think we'll laugh at Leah as she grows up (not in a mean way), and I think she'll laugh at us. I don't want to take any of it too seriously. Everything won't always go perfect or according to our plan, but I think we'll have a good handle on it. I know we're ready to see her and hold her, but I'm starting to think we're finally ready to give our best shot at raising her!
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