35 Weeks! 4 weeks and 6 days.

Can I just share a story with you for a minute?

Wednesday of last week I called Kyle on my way home. He is now getting out of work early everyday to study for his big test coming up. And he does study, but he is also finding other things to do with his time. As I'm talking to him, he very excitedly tells me that he has been doing some rearranging in the kitchen. Um, what? Both of us are nesting now, this could get interesting. I laughed a little, and he went on to say that he has new plans for all of his beer glasses. (Yes, all of them. That was the thing he was in charge of registering for when we got married, so we have quite a collection). He told me it'd be a surprise and I'd have to see when I got home just what he did. You can imagine my excitement. So I get home, and for starters I noticed the "decorative" beer glasses he registered for were no longer displayed as decoration, but he had taken them down, washed, and dried them. Let me break the story here to tell you that I also noticed how he had taken the other dirty dishes out of the sink and placed them on the counter in order to make room and only clean his beer glasses. All I could do was laugh. I kind of thought that was it, so I went upstairs to see him. And that's where I learned there were more "surprises" and I'd have to look around the cabinets. Low and behold, he had moved our bowls, mugs, and wine glasses, and his beer glass collection now has two cabinets all to itself. And because I missed this in looking around, he made sure to tell me that he lined up his glasses in order of importance, putting the ones he uses the most in the front. And there you have it. We are now both nesting, and apparently his nesting is as much for Leah as mine is. After all, she would not be comfortable in her new home with her dad's beer glasses in disarray. God, I love him.

And that's how we will start 35 weeks. We are both overly anxious to meet our baby and doing whatever is necessary to make a perfect home for her. My countdowns will all say "4 weeks and 6 days" tomorrow. I realize that is practically five weeks, but to see a four just blows my mind.

So with only four weeks and six days left, what is the little bug up to? Well, would you believe me if I told you she has finally stopped growing?! Well, she has. Or might have. No one really knows, but most babies max out somewhere around 20-21 inches, and that's where she is this week. She is, however, still packing on the pounds. Five and a half of them to be exact. So she might not be getting longer, but she is definitely plumping up. Here's to hoping for fat, kissable cheeks! Although, I will also gladly kiss them if they are skinny. She's still head down. I can tell because that's where her hiccups are, and I can watch her little leggies move just under my ribs or out to my sides. Her moving is now less kicking and more rippling. So alien. I'm an expert at finding her back. And she loves to roll from one side to the other. I can see a big flat lump taking up my entire midsection on one side, then suddenly watch it roll to the other side. We all have to flip sides when we sleep, right? Why should she be the exception. She also does crazy things to my belly button. Depending on how and where she is laying it can turn inside out, or be completely sunk in. Pregnancy is not natural, I'm convinced of that. One night last week she gave Kyle a taste of what I go through every night. I had just gotten up to go to the bathroom (for the third time), and he was just coming to bed (at 3am). He likes his "me time" on the weekends. So we were both laying there, but trying to go to sleep. He rolls over and puts his hand on my belly. Now, I knew Leah was having herself a play day in there, but he had no idea. I wasn't about to tell him, I wanted him to have a nice surprise. And about 10 seconds later, she rolled right into the palm of his hand. He was surprised, and I simply said, "yeh, she's awake." He laughed and told me he didn't think she'd be moving. Ha. Welcome to my world. He felt her for a while, then rolled back over and went to sleep. Must have been nice. I continued to lie there awake until she calmed down. There is no sleeping when there's a baby jumping inside of you.

And me? Oh, I'm hangin' in there. Everything from the neck down hurts, but that's normal, right? And my nausea is back. What's up with that? It's not nearly what it was in the beginning, but just enough to let me know I don't feel 100%.  This belly (or should I say baby) of mine is quite heavy. Saturday, I actually made Kyle stand up with me and pull me up by the armpits. There is just no more room! And I desperately needed some length... and relief. It felt amazing. I don't know if it's me or Leah, but one of us is getting pretty insistent with things. If I have to go to the bathroom, there better be a bathroom 10 feet in front of me or I might not make it. If I'm hungry I better find food in less than a minute or I'm sick. If I get tired, making it up the stairs to bed is almost impossible. The second something hits, I better have a solution... quick. I also can make it through about one chore, or one trip to a store without having to collapse on the couch. But, we only have 4 weeks and 6 days left, and I continue to remind myself that: Iwillnotwhine, Iwillnotwhine, Iwillnotwhine. Kyle is getting better at answering his phone. He still needs some work, but he's not as bad as he was. And he's still got 'til Wednesday to get perfect, so I won't really worry until then. Starting in June, it's game on.

Also, last Friday Kyle's work held a surprise baby shower for us! Obviously, I knew about it, but he was completely clueless. He even walked in with a notepad because he thought he was going to a meeting. It was so fun! And Leah is not short on blankets, I can tell you that. She got 5 of them that day! One of them I've already packed in her hospital bag. It is purple, and hand knitted, so it has holes in it. She will be allowed to sleep with it (the only one she will sleep with), and I won't have to worry if she is suffocating or not. I have actually been looking for one, but they don't just sell handmade stuff at Target. It also came with a matching hat (that is also in her bag) and booties, that she will have to grow into. We are fortunate to work at such great companies that we each were surprised with a baby shower. Or should I say Leah is lucky?

Can I tell you the one thing I hate about being 35 weeks pregnant? Well, in the beginning I got bombarded with emails (cause I signed up for everything) about the signs of miscarriage. Those were fun. Then in the middle I got emails on the signs of pre-term labor. Now, I am getting fun emails on how much everything is going to hurt. And "not to worry about it." You know, I wasn't worried about it until I started getting 20 emails a day telling me how damaged I'll be. I didn't even think of it. Now I'm petrified. Thanks. But the thrill of seeing her still completely overshadows my (new) fears, so I will try my hardest to not let them cloud my mind.

I spent Memorial Day weekend boiling bottles, washing all of her new blankets, dusting her room, figuring out how to put her mirror in the car, and starting the book, "Happiest Baby on the Block." I also spent it hoping this would be our last holiday with her in my belly, and that she would be here to spend the Fourth of July with us! We are officially in the time when we can say, "this time in a month..." and I don't even know what to do with all the excitement that I've got because of that. In one week I will start seeing the "3 weeks and 6 days" on all of my countdowns, I will start my weekly doctors appointments, and will just be a week away from my doctor starting to tell me if she is on her way out or not!! Things are getting serious. See you then!

Sallie Mae Hates the Proebstings.

Today was a big day in the life of the Proebstings. It started out like any other, but quickly turned into something fantastic.

We are both college graduates. However, and luckily, one of us didn't have to pay for college. The other one (me), paid enough for both of us. When I was 18 I didn't care about loans. Just get them, and pay them back later, right? Well, when I was 18 I didn't have the bills coming in every month. What a pain they are! It just feels like throwing money away every time we made a payment. Sure, we were working towards something... but we never actually saw anything from the fruits of our labor - until today.

We stumbled our way through breakfast, watched SportsCenter, and left for work - just like any other day. Knowing we pay loans at the end of every month, I decided to check out our statement when I got to work. I knew they were getting low, and so close to disappearing. There it was, taunting me. $1502.64.  When you start out with $34,000, $1500 seems like pocket change. I emailed Kyle, told him to check out our bank account and tell me if we could just finish them off once and for all (and still be able to eat and pay bills). If it was just me, I would have probably paid it and then thought about food and bills. But Kyle's the smart one in our family, and the money guy. And I know he likes to eat - so I decided to ask. He analyzed the situation, (like he does every situation) and emailed me back telling me what we had, what we will have after this week, what we will have after bills, and what we will have after making a payment of $1502.64... God love him. I just needed a yes or no. But through all of that, I interpreted him to being telling me yes. Finish them off. I asked one more time just for a yes or no, and he gave it to me. Yes, finish them off. Oh man, my hands started shaking and I got so excited! They have been such a nuisance the past two years. I typed in the amount, clicked pay today, clicked submit, and we were finished! No.More!

I expected Sallie Mae to be a little more excited for us. Maybe say congratulations? Maybe turn on flashing lights? Maybe make a noise maker noise? But she didn't do anything. She said thank you for your payment like she always does, and told me that I could expect my payment to go through in 2-4 days. Ugh, Sallie. But then I started thinking about it. She probably hates us! Do you know how much interest we stole from her?! We were set up on the 10 year plan to pay off $34,000! She could have made herself a millionaire on our interest alone. But nope, we robbed her of eight years of interest. Take that, Sallie. The Proebstings are done with you.

So how did we do it? Are we millionaires? No. But I like to think we're smart. Okay, that's not entirely true. Kyle's smart. And his smart ideas make too much sense for me to fight them... so I have to go along with them. That and my mom gave us Dave Ramsey as an engagement present two years ago. Not the man himself, but his get out of debt kit. Have you heard of it, Financial Peace University. You may have heard of it and think it's the dumbest thing out there. Or you may have never heard of it. But regardless, she gave it to us two years ago... and we managed to find $34,000 in that time to throw at debt. Ugh, that woman. What was she thinking? It's like she finds ways to punish me even though I don't live at home. Giving Dave Ramsey to Kyle might as well have been a death sentence to me. But I lived, and I'm a pretty happy girl today.

Here is the plan Dave and Kyle made me follow:

• Have a budget. Gross, huh? We literally get out a notepad and pen any time income changes and we have categories for tithing, rent, gas, groceries, clothes, electric, cable, gifts, spending, entertainment, cars maintenance, doctor visits, Leah and of course loans. (There are probably more, but today is not a budget day... don't make me do it). Everything we have to pay for gets a category, and every dollar we make gets placed into one of those categories. It's a 0 dollar budget, but everything has a category, so we don't need any money left over. Get it?
• Everything gets paid for in cash. Gasp! It's a simple philosophy, really. If we don't have the cash for it in our hands... we don't buy it. Crazy, right. We (I) have learned to save for things I really want, and not everything I want has to get bought today. Believe it or not, I actually like this one. It's simple. I don't ever have to think about if we have the money for something. It's either in my wallet or not. And Kyle doesn't tell me no. If we have the cash for it, then it's fair game! If I don't have cash, I don't buy it. We don't have credit cards... which is completely baffling to most people today. "What about your credit score?! It's going to be so bad because you never use cards!" Don't worry about us, I checked with our bank and we have a perfect credit score, and they even complimented us and taking such good care of our finances. Sorry, Capitol One, we don't need you. We have real dollars.
• Anything extra we made went to loans. This one was a bummer sometimes. And I'm not talking about gift money. I'm talking about if we got extra income from anything. My job is a perfect example. I work on both hourly and commission pay schedules, so you can guess what we did with the extra. We are fortunate though, we have budgeted out our lives on Kyle's schedule alone - so anything I make could be put on loans. That will also help when Leah comes, because we have only ever budgeted on Kyle's salary, so we won't freak out with one less income.
• We have lived below our means. Neither one of us have car payments. Sure, we could go out and buy new cars, but why? That would be one more thing to pay for, and one more thing that stood in our way of paying off loans. Our cars work. And we will drive them til they die. We found a relatively cheap place to live. It's not some dump, but we could have afforded more, and we could have even bought a house. But why? It's a nice little place. Someone else takes care of the yard, and shovels the driveway. A house of our own would be nice, but we want to save a really good down payment for it. So we'll stay here for a while longer and save our pennies. And now we have even more pennies with no loans! I could shop at the high end grocery stores, and I do get things at Schnucks... but a majority of our food comes from Aldi. Seriously, why would you go anywhere else? All the coupons in the world don't equal Aldi savings. Things literally have cent signs on them in that store. So how do I do it with buying organic or natural food? Well, I get what I don't need organic at Aldi, which is a whole lot, then I can afford to buy the organic stuff at Schnucks. I have my budget for groceries. A cart full of food costs $40 bucks at Aldi, 10 natural things cost $50 at Schnucks, then we still have money leftover for Kyle's beer! We all win. 

That's about it. It's pretty simple. Don't spend what you don't have, don't buy what you don't need, and don't spend just to buy. See how much I've learned in two years?! My mom should be proud. I haven't been miserable. We haven't been miserable. We get what we want, and we get it guilt free. We don't worry that our account will overdraft. We don't worry about debt collectors. We don't worry that we can't pay bills. We are aware of our money, and we spend our cash freely. Kyle still gets to golf, and I still get to shop.

And what will we do with all of that extra money we now have?! Well, don't get excited... I've learned not to. We will just have even more to save for our house. And maybe soon I can tell you all about how we bought Leah a brand new house!

Peace out, Sallie, it's been fun.

34 Weeks! Prepared to Give Birth.

Well, we survived the birth class. We were totally inappropriate at parts, and laughed through some of it - but for the most part we were on our best behavior! I must admit it was quite a letdown, however. We breathed, we relaxed, we tried out different labor positions, we went in the labor rooms, and at the end of the day... no Leah. You'd think after all of that I'd have a baby in my arms, but nope. Nevertheless, here are some highlights -

• One of the guys we took the class with was named Enrique. For some reason, the teacher couldn't figure this out and asked him to repeat it 12 times before finally asking if it was, "Henry." He said yes. So he was Henry for the rest of the day. 
• As we were going around the room, Kyle told the class the one thing he wanted to learn was "what to do to not make me yell at him."
• There were bagels. The two of us may or may not have given a valiant effort at finishing them off.
• During our "relaxation" techniques Leah was not relaxing, but kicking me in the ribs instead. I laughed my way through it. Sorry. I'm not good at being told to relax anyways.I'm glad to know she doesn't like to be told what to do either :).
• The person in class with the most questions was one of the girls' mom. She was also very concerned that someone would be able to steal her grand baby.
• We finally learned where to park!
• Tennis balls make the best massagers.
• They told us all about nesting and used the words "overpowering" and "uncontrollable." Maybe now Kyle will think I'm less crazy.
• We fought through the couple balancing exercise. Don't make us balance on each other.
• We also fought for a good 15 minutes about if I could deliver her "posterior" or not. Then we learned we were talking about different things.

We did learn some things though. And we got to practice labor and delivery using a ping pong ball and a balloon. So now I feel completely prepared. We both answered and asked questions - star students.

But, birth class and all, we have made it to 34 weeks! And I didn't think much could happen in a week especially at the end, but can you believe that it has!? For starters, Leah has learned some new moves. And they are in.tense. I think she grew, and got incredibly stronger all in one day. And I've pegged it to Wednesday of last week. That was the first day I noticed her movements were much more startling than what they were previously. I thought she kicked hard, but I had no idea. I almost jump out of my chair several times a day. And not only are they stronger movements, they are mostly lower than what they were. Which is a completely different experience and feeling. Very alarming. But my favorite part about her new moves is the fact that I can now watch an entire limb (guessing leg) roll from one side to the other. She makes ripples on my stomach, and it is absolutely fascinating to me. I'll try to catch it on camera, but I know how stubborn she is so I'm not holding my breath. Leah is a whopping 5lbs now! Five pounds. And 20 inches long. That's big - and give that five pound, 20 inch long object arms and legs... absolutely ridiculous and completely unnatural. But I love it. Believe it or not, she is actually doing things other than getting fat this week! Yay! For starters, she has begun to make her descent. She is (or already has) started to drop and land in her final resting place where she will remain until the day we meet her. Her fingernails have also reached the tips of her fingers - good thing I've got some nail clippers waiting for her! Her fat layers are filling out, making her rounder by the day. She is developing her own immune system, and getting things ready to rely less on mine when she's out in the real world. And finally, if Leah bug were born today she would be called "pre-term" instead of "pre-mature." She's such a big girl.

And what about the rest of us Proebstings? Well, we're just ready to see her. I'm getting puffier by the day. I'm running out of things to do to make a nest. The magnets on the refrigerator have been organized. Our file cabinet has been cleaned out and reorganized. We have all new curtains. We have new decor. Our small patio is spic and span. Our pantry has been cleaned and reorganized. The closets have all been cleaned out. I have given all the picture frames a brand new selection of pictures. Leah's entire wardrobe is clean. Her bedding is clean and put back together. Her clock and toys have batteries. Her pacifiers have been boiled. (Yes, boiled). Her diaper stacker has been stacked. What's left to do? I have no idea. But I'm confident I will find something. The DVDs are awfully dusty, maybe I'll dust them. In other news - I'm still hanging on to my one stretch mark. My ring still fits. My waddling has picked up. I can't handle any amount of heat. I have energy and don't have energy at the same time. The bleeding gums have slowed down, thank God. I am ready to see her face. Have I told you that yet? And with her dad? Well, he is failing miserably at answering his phone! I told him starting in June it has to be glued to his hip. However, I've started testing him this week, and he has YET to answer it when I call or respond to a text in a decent amount of time. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. At this rate, he won't be the first one to know when I'm in labor.

We had yet another doctor's appointment today. First of all, I relearned that I love my doctor. I'm so thankful that my google search for a doctor served me well and she is absolutely perfect for our big day. She is so calm and nothing is ever a big deal - which pairs nicely with my over anxious/neurotic self. Thank you, Jesus. But, Leah was well behaved this time. No tricks or goofing off. Kind of a bummer - but she was still good, and had a strong heartbeat of 146. She is officially head down, and layin' low. The doctor described different parts of her body for me, and even told me how I could turn her head! Yikes - she obviously doesn't know me that well. She doesn't understand that I will take that entirely too far. Actually, I'm a little scared to mess with her head so I don't know if I will get brave enough to do it. But I'm fairly certain curiosity will get the best of me at some point. We are also officially registered at the hospital so no paperwork has to be done when I am in labor. Weird, surreal, strange, crazy, insane and so fun!

The six week countdown is officially on!

We're Going to be Parents. Woah.

Do you know how absolutely bizarre that is? Well, it is. Who qualified us for this job? The reality sinks in a little more each day, probably because with each passing day we get a little closer to actually holding her. But it's just a crazy state to be in. How are you supposed to just become a parent all of a sudden?

Well, I don't know if we're right, but we've got some ideas. Obviously, we will always do what we believe to be best for Leah regardless of what anyone, any book, any movie, or any thing else might say. We'll draw from how we were brought up, we'll draw from what we've seen that we haven't agreed with, we'll draw from the Bible, and we'll draw from our own opinions. Surely with all of those things we can't screw her up too bad, right?

Our conversation sparked yesterday as I was watching a Dr. Phil episode on "extreme moms." I'm not normally a Dr. Phil fan, but I get suckered in occasionally. And with a title like that one, and a belly like mine... how could I not watch? The first mom gave left her 9 year old in Bloomingdales in NYC with a map and a subway card and told him to get himself home. Apparently, he wanted to try it as well. The second mom, made her 17 year old daughters male interests pee in a cup. See what I mean, extreme. Kyle caught the tale end of it with me, and we casually talked about it for not very long and decided we'd be somewhere in the middle.

Later that night, we carried on the same conversation we have every night."What will she look like?!" Seriously, every night. But this one expanded more into, I wonder what kind of parents we'll be? So we got to thinking, and here's what we've come up with:

Kyle: Oh boy, he's going to be good at this whole thing. I really have only seen him with little ones since Zoey and Ali have been around - but Zoey (and Im sure Ali soon enough) adores him. He's so good with her. I don't know what it is, but he smiles funny at her and she cracks up. When she hears something about Mimi (me), her brain automatically goes to Kuckle (uncle Kyle). And she asks for him. If it wasn't so cute, I'd probably be pretty offended. He's just plain good with her. He takes nothing too seriously, and doesn't get bent out of shape when she acts like the two year old that she is. He likes to hold them, and laugh with them, and play on the floor with them. And that's all I really needed to see before I made up my mind that he will be perfect with Leah. He says he won't change diapers, but he will. He's excited about playing video games while Leah is in her bouncer looking (or sleeping) on. He's ready to take her on walks with us. I don't think he'll get overwhelmed. He's never showed signs of it before. I understand that we will both probably be at our wits end at some point, but I don't think anything emotion too drastic will be seen from him. Now when she's older, I'm also excited to see him parent. You see, he's also got older nieces and nephews I've got to see him with. It's fun to watch him play catch, video games, or just goof off with them. He's just good at talking to them. And when kids get to be 12 and 13 the talking really needs to pick up. He's got that down pat. He will probably give her speeches about school, money, and boys... but she'll probably need to hear them. He was a smarty in school, and always did and tried his best at school and sports - I'm excited for her to have that example in him. He may freak out a little more when she turns 15 and 16, but what dad wouldn't? I know without asking him that he'll want her to love God, try hard in school, be a part of some kind of team, be responsible, and save money. That's just who he is - but I'm not complaining in the least. She's a lucky girl to get a dad like this one. And it's going to be fun to watch the two of them through the years.

Me: Oh dear God, help me. Kyle will be the cool, calm and collected one. And I'll be the neurotic one, rocking in the corner. No - I hope that's an exaggeration. But when she's little, while I think Kyle will be more relaxed, I will be more cautious. I will be worried by sicknesses, crying, sleeping, and eating. But all in love of course. Don't even get me started on babysitters - I've already told Kyle I can't even go there now. She's not even here yet, don't talk to me about leaving her. However, I think at the same time as being neurotic I can and will also be relaxed. I'm excited to just sit with her and take her in. I want to cuddle up with her and read her books. I want to watch her solve problems, and not just run to her rescue. I will not freak out if I have to leave her with Kyle by themselves. I don't plan on hovering or sheltering her from all of the elements. She will get germs and we will all live. She will fall at times, and she will get back up... no one will die. A dog will lick her in the face, I have no doubt... and we will all laugh. So with some things I will be uptight - I'll want her to be in bed at her nap time or bed time, I'll want her to eat healthy, and I will use "pure and free" products with her. But for the most part, she will have fun exploring her world. Kids are hilarious when they're little, and I'm excited to watch her grow up and experience the world around her. When she's older I think I will just try my best to follow Kyle's lead. I will want her to be responsible. I don't want to just hand her everything even if we have the means to do it. I don't want her to be stressed out or ever resent anything she's doing with her life. I want her to be happy. I want her to enjoy dating. I want her to be able to talk to me about anything. Hopefully that line of communication will start when her words start. I will want her to love God, have fun in school, be a part of some kind of team, be independent, and kind.

Together: I think we'll have a good balance together. Kyle's a saver, I'm a spender. Kyle's a studier, I'm a procrastinator. Kyle's active, I like to watch him be active. Kyle's an analyzer, I'm impulsive. Not one of us is too much of one of those things. So far we're pretty good and taking care of the other one when we get too far on the spectrum. I don't let him save too much, he doesn't let me spend too much. I don't let him play softball 5 nights a week, he makes me go on walks. I don't let him think too much, he doen't let me do things without thinking. So throw Leah into that mix, and hopefully the best of both of us will come out in her. Hopefully. We're not complete opposites though, we've got some things in common believe it or not. We love God, and we want that for Leah. We love the Cardinals and we'll want her to love them with us. We eat healthy and we'll teach her to eat healthy. We love labs, and we'll want her to love her lab brother. We are not a fan of the guilt trip method of parenting, and we'll try to avoid it. We'll spank her on the bottom when it's absolutely necessary. We will try our darndest not to fight in front of her, or talk money in front of her. We will let her watch tv, but we will also get her outside. She won't get a new car when she's 16, I don't care if we win the lottery. She won't have a cell phone when she's 10. Nothing she wears will be too short, too low, or too tight. She can get a tattoo if she wants one. She can get a job and earn money to buy things for herself. She will work for scholarships. She will help around the house.

I don't know - it's all pretty tricky when you sit down to think of how it all will go. And maybe it will go nothing like this. Maybe I'll read this blog in 10 years and look back and laugh at myself. I think though, I really think that even with the two of us, the two that laughed our way through the breastfeeding class, Leah will have a fighting chance in this world. You might not agree with anything we're going to do. And that's okay. But this is how we've decided would be the best way to raise Leah. Hopefully she'll understand that no matter what we do it's with her best interest at heart and that we love her and want her to grow up happy and with all the opportunity in the world.

I hope most of all that we just laugh with her. That's what we do most of all now anyways, and I hope that doesn't change. I think we will. I think we'll laugh watching each other try to do this, I think we'll laugh at Leah as she grows up (not in a mean way), and I think she'll laugh at us. I don't want to take any of it too seriously. Everything won't always go perfect or according to our plan, but I think we'll have a good handle on it. I know we're ready to see her and hold her, but I'm starting to think we're finally ready to give our best shot at raising her!

I think I'm Pregnant.

It's just a hunch I have, but I believe now that I am actually pregnant.

No; it's not because my belly, as I'm typing, is shaking from side to side because someone other than myself has an intense case of the hiccups. It's not because nothing I own fits me. It's not because when I walk through a store eyes are immediately drawn to my midsection. Surpringly, I believe I'm pregnant for several other reasons.

It's time for a new symptoms update, folks. I gave you one at the beginning, in the middle, and now this one will close out our pregnancy. These are far less entertaining than the other sets, and if you don't want to hear me whine you should go back to whatever you were doing. There will be whining, there will be complaining, and you will probably get grossed out... this blog is not for the weak of heart.

These symptoms blogs are more for myself than you. Sorry. They're fun to look back on for me. Before I started this one, I actually read the other two and actually laughed at myself because I had no idea what was headed my way. The things I thought were bad in the beginning don't hold a candle to some of these new ones. And the funny stuff is good for me to remember as well, because it reminds me that I have enjoyed being pregnant and even with this new batch - and the whining - I'm in love with Leah and happy to get her safely to week 40, or 39, or 38.

I could give you a list of bulleted symptoms, but that would just be long, boring, and sound too much like I'm just whining... so I'll give you them all in detail. That's more fun anyways, wouldn't you say?

Let's just dive right in:

Grossest: My gums now bleed a ridiculous amount when I brush my teeth. I have always prided myself on my spectacular gums and teeth. And I had also read how swollen/bleeding gums are common in pregnancy, but I'm at the end, surely I would have had that by now, right? Well, I guess it was just waiting for me, because the last three days I have been horrified while brushing my teeth. The first day, I chalked it up to a popsicle that had eaten that I assumed has just stuck on my tongue. I disregarded the fact that the popsicle was purple and I was spitting red. The second day, I really began to question it... no popsicles to blame. Today it couldn't be ignored anymore. While brushing my teeth, I might as well have been brushing them with blood. I paused halfway through and looked at my mouth, toothpaste and all, and was absolutely horrified. Blood was pouring out of every crack in my mouth! It doesn't hurt, but it is completely alarming. My dentist actually warned me about it when I went to see him a month or so ago. Of course, he also told me I had perfect gums and teeth so I disregarded it. I'm now recalling that conversation clearly.

Most Painful: This is a toss-up between my back and my shins, but I believe I'll save the back for a different category and tell you about my permanent shin splints. I suppose it's the extra weight. You know, the 21lbs I've gained in 33 weeks and the 5lb baby I'm carrying without being able to set her down. Oh man. I have always gotten shin splints very easliy. If I walk to fast I get them. Running is almost a nightmare. But I never expected to just have shin splints from carrying extra weight. Sometimes I think my shins might just snap in half. Thankfully they haven't, yet.

Most Beneficial: The nesting. I write about this one a lot, but it definitely is the most fun and helpful for me. I am getting things cleaned out and organized that I wouldn't have done normally. And it feels so.good. I'm probably driving Kyle crazy, but I can't help myself. I guess it comes from a need to just have everything neat and perfect for this little girl coming in just 6 weeks. I also don't want to have to worry about doing anything once she's here - so I am trying my hardest to get it all done now. Most of the closets are cleaned out, most of her room is put together, and sometime soon I will start precooking and freezing meals. I don't want to live off of fast food after she's born, and I love to cook - so I'm excited to start that one. However, no one wants freezer burnt food, so I will wait a little bit longer.

Most Consistent: The back pain. Oh my goodness with the back pain. I get that she's heavy, but man. I've found there is little I can do to relieve it, too. Bummer. Stretching helps some, but if I stretch too far or for too long I end up hurting something else. It's quite a predicament. I've got scoliosis to begin with, so sometimes I wonder if that is making it worse or has any effect on it at all. I'll probably be a hunch back by the time this whole experience is over.

Most Troubling: Not being able to get a good, solid breath. Some days are worse than others for this. I guess it all depends on how she is laying. For instance yesterday, I was practically wheezing while sitting down. I was certain she had inhabited one or both of my lungs. I was huffing and puffing, meanwhile not being able to inhale deeply. There's absolutely nothing you can do for that either. Just wait it out, and thank God for the little breaths I do get to take. However, today, she is back down where she belongs and I am breathing (relatively) easy.

Biggest Change: The biggest change from the second trimester to this one is just size. My size, Leah's size, and the size of my belly. I absolutely cannot bend over with ease anymore. Sometimes I can't bend over at all. It's also pretty darn uncomfortable to sit with my legs crossed. And if I do get an opportunity to bend, and stay like that for any period of time, I get kicked until I sit back. Someone is getting very territorial of her space, Heaven forbid I cram it any. But I don't blame her. I wonder if all of her growing makes her as uncomfortable as it's making me? If so, I feel bad for her. She has no idea what's going on, or what's coming her way. I kind of think she is oblivious though, she still seems to kick and play as hard and long as she ever has.

Biggest Craving: Cereal by far wins this category. I can't get enough of it. I would honestly eat it every day and for every meal if I didn't feel bad for depriving Leah of things like fruit, meat, and vegetables. I don't know what it is about cereal that I want so badly, but it's all I think about. I eat it for breakfast, and I reward myself with a bowl after work. Sometimes, I eat it for dinner as well, but I try not to do that too much. I make sure that my snacks are extra nutritious, as well as my lunch; and dinner, if I can help not having a bowl of Lucky Charms. So I don't feel too bad about it. She is still getting a daily supply of cheese, berries, oranges, squash, tomatoes, zucchini, and of course plenty of almond milk with her cereal.

Most Annoying: My inner temperature. I am so hot! All of the time. And coming from a person who used to always be cold, this is a very bizarre change. I sleep with absolutely no covers, and still wake up most nights uncomfortably hot. Kyle now tells me when it's cold... I never thought I'd see that day. Most of the time I am in some kind of dress or skirt because pants and jeans are almost unbearable. I guess it's the fact that I'm carrying the body heat of another person around, but I did not expect her to be big enough to have an effect on me. Boy was I wrong. I fully intend on sweating my way through June.

Most Fun Thing: I know a lot of these are complaints, but I have to remind myself how much fun I have with her when she kicks, rolls, punches, and hiccups. I love watching her move. And now I can see it no matter what. She can't hide from me. She is so big and the amniotic fluid she's living in is maxed out so there's not a lot between her big body and the skin of my belly. It makes me forget all of the other stuff when I just get to sit on the couch and watch her plan and wonder just what in the world she is doing.

I'm Happiest About: The fact that my ring still fits. I rarely have signifigant swelling, and when I have had it it has come when the weather has been hot. My ankles and feet have yet to experience swelling that I can tell. I am super thankful for that. Now I'm just in a competition with myself to see how long I can keep my ring on. Water is seriously the only thing I have to thank for this. And I guess the fact that I watch my sodium like a hawk, and try not to eat out when I can help it. It's kind of a bummer denying myself McDonalds when I want it, but I would be bummed out even more if I was super swollen.

Most Disturbing: Well, it happened. I got my first stretch mark. Nooooo. I noticed it over the weekend. It's not very big, or dark, but it's there. I had Kyle thoroughly inspect it, and he gave me the final diagnosis. Rats. But I made it to 33 weeks without one, and I still only have one, so I can't complain too much. I was completely obsessed with it for a while, but I've calmed down some since I first saw it. I knew it was coming, after all, have you seen this belly of mine? There is obviously stretching going on.

I suppose that was the last tell tale sign that I am indeed pregnant. Now I believe it. We are having a baby. One that is big and still growing. I can whine and complain all I want, but we only have six more weeks to make it through and then we finally get to see her! Some days are worse than others, but I'll take all of them, even the worst of the worst because they mean Leah is one healthy, strong, and active baby - and that's really all I care about. I am determined to enjoy them, too. I might complain some, but the truth is I realize that I just have six weeks left with this little girl in my belly (and all to myself) and I want to soak it all up. I will be pregnant again someday, but not with Leah. This is our one shot together, and it has been a blast.

33 Weeks! Our little Duck.

I will spare you the, "I can't believe we're at ____ weeks" speech I give every week, and just tell you that yes, I am still shocked at how close we are.

Today not only marks 33 weeks, but we now have only 50 days until Leah's due date! I really think she will be here sooner, but all of my thoughts up to this point have been wrong, so who knows. I've picked my due date for her to be June 28th. We shall see. I would love for her to already be here on the 4th of July, but more importantly for me not to be in labor that day... oh well, I suppose it's not up to me.

Time is certainly winding down. Here are some of the reasons I know this to be true: her laundry is almost finished, with the exception of her sheets. I have started packing her hospital bag, and will probably finish it up by the end of this week. We have our childbirth class this coming Saturday. I am a nesting fiend. And I asked Kyle to scratch my ankle a couple of days ago. I gave it a valiant effort, but there was just no way around this giant watermelon in my stomach.

Leah is continually getting fatter and fatter, yessss. She should be around 4.5lbs! That is one big baby. Actually, one website compared her to the size of an adult duck, ha. Where they come up with this stuff I have no idea. This week, I'm told her immune system is now strong enough to protect her from minor infections and illnesses. Yay! I'm told also that her movement is supposed to slow down in these last weeks due to her taking up too much space, I'm still waiting for that to happen. She has just been making herself more room by stretching herself from side to side, and into my ribs. Still moving as much as ever. And I dare say, even stronger. Her kicks almost always hurt now, but I oddly still enjoy them. Her hiccups are even stronger now. They used to just be slight little jerks in my belly, now I can watch my whole stomach shake... this kid, she thinks she's really something in there. I am so ready to see her!

She needs to get here, stat. Not because I want to see her (although I do) or because I'm ready for my body back, but because the longer she is in my stomach, the more time I have to nest... and it's just not healthy anymore. Her room is actually messy! Can you believe it? With all of these last minute preparations, I have been opening boxes, taking tags off, washing things, and reorganizing which leaving a trail of trash and junk in there. I've started to put some things back together though, and it should be back to normal before too long. One thing I noticed while rearranging, however, was that I got her the wrong sunscreen! Gasp! How I picked up sunscreen without checking ingredients is beyond me, but it happened. Don't worry, I promptly took it back today and exchanged it for the "pure and free" kind. What a relief. Do you know what I did while I was in target picking it out? Naturally, I reorganized their shelves. What, you wouldn't have done that? Things were just everywhere and I ignored it for a while, but it got the best of me... so after getting the sunscreen I wanted I took a little time and put things back in their proper places. You're welcome, Target.  One more thing I've had on her list, but only started getting recently is burp cloths. I don't know if it's because I didn't have them for so long, or what - but now every time I go to a store I feel like I should get her burp cloths. Of course, she got three more today. Feel free to burp whenever and where ever you'd like, Leah, I'm ready for you. See what I mean, she needs to get.out. I also took a trip to Kohls today. I made a return, and had something specific in mind to get in its place, but they didn't have it. Bummer. So what did I get instead? Curtains, place mats, candles, and a picture frame. Close enough to a nursing bra, right? We now have a whole new house.

Our trip to Cincinnati was a complete success! We'll probably never go back, but it was fun once. And the Cardinals lost, ugh, but in my opinion we saw the best of the three games they lost... and it didn't rain. It might not have been the most spectacular city, but it was fun just to get away. However, someone remind me next time we're taking a trip that six and a half hours is not drivable. I'm sure it could have been worse, but it was definitely not comfortable. It was a fun way to spend a first anniversary, though. The whole time I kept thinking to myself, we will never have an anniversary without Leah in our lives. Don't worry, I'm not complaining... I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just strange.

This time a year ago we were on a plane headed to St. Lucia! I guess it's the "anniversary," but I keep having flashbacks of our wedding and honeymoon. What a fun time all of it was! And with so much happening in just a years time, I can't help but wonder what in the world we will be doing this time next year!? If you would have told me last year that in one year I would be 8 months pregnant, incessantly cleaning and organizing, and hunting down things like natural sunscreen and diaper cream I would have told you you were out of your mind. But here I sit... unable to scratch my own ankles. Life is funny.

I may not know where I'll be this time next year, but this time in a week I will be fresh out of a birth class... I hope you're as excited to read that blog as I am to write it...

The One Year Anniversary Blog

Can you believe it’s been a year?

If you’re like me you can. It feels like it’s been 10. And not in a bad way, just in a “this is how it has always been and how it was always supposed to be, so nothing’s really changed” kind of way.

They say the first year is the hardest. I realize I don’t have the rest of the years to compare to, but if this was our hardest… we are in for a real treat for the rest of them. I don’t really know what was supposed to be so hard about it? Were we supposed to fight a lot? Were we supposed to learn lots of new and unexpected things about each other? Were we supposed to almost get a divorce? Well, I can tell you, from my standpoint (you’ll have to ask Kyle on his), none of those things happened.

I don’t even remember one big fight? There was the time I burnt the bread, but that wasn’t a fight, that was just a meltdown on my part. I didn’t learn one new thing about Kyle this year. He’s a pretty open guy, and has never really tried to be anything other than himself… so the four and a half years we dated gave me plenty of time to know what I was getting into with him. And I never once considered that I made the wrong decision, or heaven forbid that we needed to end things. It’s been a really fun year in my opinion. Again, Kyle is entitled to his own. He’s a fun guy to play house with. I’ve enjoyed making shopping lists, doing laundry, paying bills, and making a home with him.

We’ve only had two gigantic surprises in the last year. That’s about all we could handle I think. The first, no one will ever know… unless you already do. But most of you don’t, and you won’t. The second, oddly enough, came 4 days later, and I think the entire world knows about her. What a week that was. The first I’d like to forget, and for the most part I have; after all, the second completely over shadowed the first. Talk about good timing on Leah’s part. They were both huge in completely different ways, but each was equally strengthening.

A lot of times I feel like we’re doing something wrong. Like it shouldn’t be this easy. Have you heard all of the horror stories out there about marriage? I feel like if we haven’t experienced the dismay that is the first year of marriage that we’re doing something wrong. That one day something is just going to fall down on us that we can’t handle. There are so many naysayers out there that I feel like we’re fighting an uphill battle against the norm.

If you’re getting married, or thinking about it, or just did it… can I be an encouraging voice for you for a second? It’s really not that hard. Or it shouldn’t be. If you’re confident in the guy or girl you picked… things should be a-okay. If you actually know them, even better. If you know the worst in them and can live with them without changing them… you’re golden. Don’t marry someone to change them. Don’t marry someone for company. Don’t marry someone for money. And don’t marry someone because everyone else likes them a whole lot. Marry someone that you like. Sometimes I think liking is more important than loving. Obviously, liking them should grow into loving them so you’ll have that to fall back on when something huge does come up. Marry someone that you have your own special kind of fun with. The kind that if other people were around you they would roll their eyes in disgust. Marry someone that you honestly, honestly cannot see yourself living without. The thought of them dying should make you cry, (if you need some help deciding if you can live without them or not). That’s a fun little test. Granted, it’s just my first year into this thing, but I feel like marriage should enhance your relationship, not strain it. If the thought of being around them everyday makes your stomach turn… you should probably nix the idea. If you follow these simple rules, given to you for 3 easy payments of $9.99, enjoy your first year of marriage. Because it will be fun. It will be exciting. You won’t get bored. You won’t get sick of the person. You will feel like you are playing house. And if you are really, really lucky… you will be anxious to experience year two!

Enough advice outta me. I apologize that I keep doing that. I would hate reading a blog like this.

Let’s see… a year ago today I was:

• Anxious
• Ready to get on with it
• Excited
• A little nervous (not because I was unsure, because it's a once in a lifetime thing)
• Ready for the party afterwards
• Feeling very grown up
• Happy
• Relieved that everything had gone according to plan
• Excited to put on my gown
• Ignoring the fact that I was tired because I didn’t sleep the night before
• So ready to see if this whole experience would be everything wonderful I imagined in my head

And where am I today? Well, I am every one of those same feelings. (Even the gown, get it, hospital gown). You see, in just a year’s time we’ve managed to put our marriage to good use… and make the world a Leah bug! You’re welcome, world. Although I am so excited and blessed to celebrate a first anniversary with the love of my life… I am equally (if not a little more) excited and blessed to be living every one of those emotions over again as we wait to see just what and who we’ve made!

Without being too cocky, I’m excited that we get to bring little Leah Caroline into our family. I think we’ve got a pretty good one started. I feel confident in saying that she’s lucky. Hopefully she’ll laugh with us. Hopefully she’ll think we’re cool. Hopefully she’ll know that we love her. And hopefully she will always know that no matter what we will love each other. We live in a world that a child’s top fear is that their parents will get divorced… I’m excited that we are bringing Leah into a family where she won’t have to worry about that. She can spend her time being worried about spiders and the dark instead.

I hope that Kyle knows I like him an awful lot. And that sometimes I miss him when we're in the same house. And even when I yell at him, I almost instantly feel bad. I try my hardest not to be clingy, but I'm still completely obsessed with him. He's pretty cute too, I can't get enough of that bald head of his. And those eyes - I can't talk enough about his eyes. He's nice to me, too. And he helps out a lot. He sees me get more neurotic everyday, and sticks with me regardless. That's pretty special. I cannot wait for Leah to meet him. I know that she'll love him, she tells me by kicking me every time he opens his mouth. And if she's anything like me, she'll melt every time he smiles at her. We're lucky girls.

And there you have it. I got the guy with the good eyes. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We got married. And now we're havin' a baby. I'm livin' the dream.

Year one was fantastic, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion we’re in for the time of our lives in year two… here’s to the Proebstings! 

32 Weeks! The beginning of the End.

32, really? 8 months? 8 weeks left? 5 until full term? We're really to that point already?

I really can't even believe it. I remember when I was wedding planning for a ridiculous year and a half people would tell me all the time that "time would fly." It did not. That was the longest year and a half of my life. However, those same people have also told me that this 9 months would fly, and well, it has! Every time I sit down to write this weekly update blog I go a little further into shock at the amount of time that has gone by, and the amount of time we have left. We are now at the stage of the game where labor, delivery, the hospital, and signs of pre-term labor are all consuming. For me anyways. I never thought I'd make it this far. Honestly, in the beginning I really couldn't imagine anything past 20 weeks. That seemed like it would take forever, heaven forbid actually being in the 30s! But we are here, we are alive, we are not in labor yet, we are compulsively making a nest, and we are counting down the days.

I am completely at the point where I want to see her little face. This is not to be confused with the point of being sick of being pregnant, because that I am not. It has been the most fun thing in my life thus far. Maybe that's why time is flying, I'm literally enjoying every day that goes by that I have a Leah in my belly, and let me tell you... that has been a lot of days. But yes, I want to see her. I want to see if she has hair. I want to see if she has big ears. I want to see how heavy and long she is. I want to hold her. I want to watch Kyle hold her. I want to give her a kiss. And I want to bring her home.

But alas, she's still not quite ready. Ugh, how long does it take, kid?! I read through all of my favorite internet sites, and let me tell you... she is a fully formed baby. There is nothing new to report, all she's doing these days is getting fat. And laughing at me as I get fat. She is a whopping 4lbs now (give or take), and close to 19 inches long. I read something comparing her to the size of a small watermelon... woah. The one exciting thing I did read was that if she were born this week she would have a 98% chance of survival! That's a number I can live with. Not that I want her before week 37, but if she had to come... I wouldn't have as big of a panic attack. Good job, little girl, mama's proud of you for staying put.

The kicking and moving, however, oh my goodness. She really doesn't stop. I've heard they are supposed to sleep, but I think I got one that doesn't sleep. She is a mover and a shaker through and through. And throw her dad's voice in the mix and she might as well just kick her way out of my stomach. She's already his biggest fan. She gets me from every angle, all day and night. I even wake up to a foot in the ribs every once in a while. I think my insides are bruised. She will either be a soccer player or a gymnast, I have no doubt.

We had another doctors appointment. They come more and more these days, but I'm not complaining. Leah is the talk of the office, or at least with my nurse. She was training a student today, and before she checked on Leah's heartbeat she turned to the student and said, "this one moves a lot." Ha. And then when I lifted up my shirt for her to actually check her heartbeat, there was Leah, as lopsided as ever sticking her entire body up from my left side. To which the student nurse exclaimed, "I can see that baby!" And then, as if she hadn't caused enough ruckus, when actually trying to find her heartbeat Leah decided to play games. She did everything she could to get away from the doppler, meanwhile the nurse, the student nurse, and myself were all laughing at her because she is now big enough to see clearly as she swims from side to side. Eventually the nurse caught up with her, and bam... 148. I can't get enough of hearing her heartbeat, it's so strong every time! In other news, we gained the right amount of weight. 3 more pounds. Grand total, 21. At 32 weeks pregnant, I can live with that. We are right on target to meet my goal of 30!! Hopefully we can keep up this pace!

I learned something in our doctors appointment today. Not so much in the appointment, but in the waiting room. I learned that we are officially at the beginning of the end. It started with the girl who checked me in saying, "you're getting so close now!" I smiled, agreed, sat down and put some thought into that. I really am getting close. Eight weeks is not a long period of time, especially when something so incredibly life changing is at the end of those weeks. I am 8 months pregnant today. I always had in my head that I would be officially really pregnant at 8 months... and well, I guess I'm officially really pregnant now. But besides the months, here's how else I know:

• My nurse, while calling someone else yelled across the room, Hi Maria! We're practically best friends.
• I now wear clothes because they fit, not because they look good or match. Last night I wore an Italy soccer jersey... in public. And I didn't care because it covered my belly. And today I'm fairly certain I didn't match... but everything fit.
• Every grocery shopping trip starts with a trip to the bathroom. I've never gone to a bathroom in a grocery store before. But I won't make it through the store without going, so it's a necessity.
• Even though it's early still, I'm officially in the "I could go into labor" phase when planning things to do. And I plan accordingly.
• Leah's baby monitor is hooked up, tested, and ready to hear her cry.
• I have insomnia. Not once I fall asleep (because of my snoogle), but getting there is a different story. I just can't get myself settled down at night. I have a million things on my mind at all times. And they all revolve around one little girl.
• Her laundry has been started.
• I've started to waddle.

But besides all of those fun things, what are mom and dad up to? Nothing. Waiting. But actually, we have been doing a few things. One of which was a breastfeeding class. Let me just tell you, based on our performance in there, the teacher probably thought we were completely unfit parents. Ok, it wasn't that bad, but Kyle definitely laughed out loud and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at one point. We are so immature. In Kyle's defense, have you seen the movie Anchorman? It's a great movie, one of our favorites. And the instructor casually threw the word "lanolin" out there several times. That's a pretty famous word from the movie. He couldn't help himself but laugh. The tapping me on the leg to get me to laugh with him as my face turned bright red he probably could have helped, but the laughing on his own was expected. He did good though, he even asked a question! And I learned more than I ever wanted to. Hopefully it helps! We even got a tour of the brand new labor and delivery floor! It was super nice, and the rooms are huge! I'm ready to check in.
And in other news in our lives, this week we travel to Cincinnati for our one year anniversary! We wanted to go somewhere, but with Leah on the way it had to be drivable. Why not go watch the Cardinals beat the Reds? The hard part was finding something else to do there, but I've pulled up a couple of options. Here's to hoping! Our anniversary will get a blog of its own, no one worry.

That's all I've got for you this week.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Once you get a positive pregnancy test, a lot of things bombard your mind. Hopefully, excitement overwhelms you. There's also happiness, perhaps shock, an immediate instinct to nurture, and an overwhelming sense of pride and love set in. But somewhere, maybe moments, maybe days, maybe weeks later you get a doosey of a feeling... This child is going to be here forever, and I'm the one that has to raise it.

That is one intense feeling. I got it in the beginning, and it still creeps in from time to time perhaps even more intense now that ours is getting closer and closer to coming out to meet us. The responsibility of not just raising a child, but also making sure they are healthy, safe, educated, well-rounded, and just plain kind is almost too much to handle. How in the world are we supposed to take this little baby that is content just kicking my sides all day, and turn her into a decent and respectable member of society. Where are we supposed to find the answers on what to do when, and how to do what, and what to do if? Well, lucky for me, I think I've got just the person.

I knew I wanted to write something about her, after all, it is mother's day... and I'd like to give hallmark a run for it's money. But my mind just blanked. Everything I thought of seemed so dumb. I could write stuff about how great and wonderful she is, obviously, but how cliche would that be? She is kind and sweet and nice...but those words are all lacking what exactly I think about her. But luckily, just in the nic of time and as I was peeling an orange... it came to me.

How am I supposed to figure out how to raise Leah? Where is this giant book of knowledge telling me all of the rules? I've never had a baby, how in the world am I supposed to know what to do with this baby the day she gets here? Well, God gave me all of those answers 24 years ago in the from of an Ellen Rossi. And I guess I got pretty lucky, because peeling that orange today I figured out that all I really have to do in raising Leah is remember all of the things she did with and for me (and my sister).

She home schooled us. Can you believe it? People have such a weird opinion of home schooled kids like they are some kind of freaks or something. Hopefully my sister and I are proof that's not the case. We always had the choice of when we wanted to start public school, my sister waited til 5th grade and I made it til 2nd. And do you know what? When we got to school I dare say we were the smarter kids in each of our classes. We were above average readers and writers. Math is a different story, but I don't blame my mom for that. And no, I'm not going to home school Leah, but I do hope that I always remember how much time my mom dedicated to us every day and night helping us learn. Even trying to teach me math, she would sit with me for hours as I sobbed and yelled at her in frustration and she just pushed on through always staying patient. I already can't wait to help Leah with her homework (her dad can help her with math). I learned from my mom that if I do it without distraction and stay patient with her she will actually enjoy it and she will remember it as being fun.

She cooked with us. Oh my goodness did (does) my mom cook. She made spaghetti sauce like she just got off the boat. She baked things like she was Martha, she canned jelly like she was a pioneer, and she always let us help. I know now, after babysitting and nannying, how much fun kids can have when they cook. But I also know how darn frustrating it is. They are messy, they are slow, and they want to do everything by themselves. However, I cannot wait until Leah is old enough to get in the kitchen with me. Here's what I learned from my mom about cooking with kids... it's not actually about the final product. It's about sitting on the counter surrounded by flour. It's about cracking and egg and spending the next 20 minutes trying to get the shell out. It's about begging to lick the beaters. And it's about learning to frost and sprinkle, even if that means one piece gets all of the frosting and sprinkles. It's about the time. Even writing this paragraph a million memories have come in and out of my mind about cooking with my mom. I can't wait to start some with Leah. Maybe someday the two of us can make something for grandma!

She took us on walks. We walked everywhere in the town I was born in. It's so easy to just sit a kid in front of a tv and get some things done, but they don't remember what happened in that show the next day. But I remember the walks 20 years later. She talked to us, she listened to us, and most of the time we ended up across the street getting a cookie. Eventually, those walks turned into bike rides all over town. And my best memory of that is my sister always running into the same fence in the same spot and falling over. So here's what I learned from my mom about hanging out with Leah... I should get her outside. I shouldn't just let her watch tv or play on the computer or play video games all day because she thinks it's fun. Believe it or not, she will have more fun outside walking with me and telling me all about her little life. Of course, we'll also want her daddy with us, and our puppy. I'm already having a blast on our walks with Leah, I can't imagine how much more fun it will be when she's in a stroller and I weigh 20lbs less!

She had fun with us. Nothing was ever too serious, or too strict around our house. Maybe I was just an angel, but I don't remember getting in trouble very much (when I was little). I have to think though, maybe she just let us experiment with things and figure things out on our own before yelling at us or enforcing millions of rules. She pretended with us. She imagined with us. She got on the floor and played with us. I learned from her that I need to be Leah's playmate as much as her mom. I need to laugh with her and tickle her and sit on the floor with her. I might get bored sometimes doing little kid things, but Leah will have a blast playing with me. Our house doesn't always have to be organized, it needs to be lived in. There should be toys on the floor and crayons in the couch cushions. That will be the sign of a successful day.

She prayed with us. This was where the magic was. She prayed with me at bedtime, before meals, when I was scared, or whenever else the mood struck. She taught us the comfort and peace in calling on God for any reason. What a treasure that is to have. Who else would I have learned that from? It's definitely not the mainstream way of handling things... good or bad. I am so thankful for her teaching us to talk to God. I can't wait to show Leah how to pray and talk God. I know that that's going to be the most valuable tool she has, and I'm so happy I had a mama who also knew that and passed that on to me. I think there are so many things that a good mom can teach her kids, but without this one they don't really give them anything to count on when they aren't there. I learned from my mom that I won't always be with Leah, but that if I teach her to pray she will always be safe and comforted.

I could go on. And she really is kind, sweet, nice, wonderful, amazing, and brilliant. But I am so thankful for the unwritten book of rules she gave my sister and I on how to raise our kids. I've already seen my sister use every one of them. I can't wait to test them out for myself!

Thanks, mom for everything you've taught me! I sure hope Leah likes me half as much as I adore you. I love you.

Au Naturale

We are a natural couple of Proebstings. Well, for the most part we are. I’m the one to blame for that. I practically grew up around a lifestyle that was organic, natural, and free of things like gluten and dairy. Can you believe people survive like that?! I learned a lot though, and it was during my prime learning years that I was around all of this stuff, so most of it has stuck.

I was also raised eating healthy. We rarely ate out, and my mom cooked, canned, and baked almost everything from scratch. Yum. So combine my upbringing with my teenage years when I was surrounded with a completely new lifestyle of eating… and I turned out to be one health conscious nut.

Now my husband grew up eating chicken fingers. How the two of us stayed together I have no idea. I honestly hadn’t had McDonalds so much in my life until we met. But it is tasty, I’m not knockin him there. I caved a whole lot with everything I had known, after all, it was fun to go out to eat with him. And it’s just food, right?

Once we were through the initial I’ll do anything for you, dating stage though, I started to have my doubts. I could not have married someone that only ate chicken strips. 1) He would die by the time he was 50. And 2) I can’t cook the same thing every night. I love to cook.

So he got brave, and I got forceful and slowly his eating habits changed. Thank God. And now he is fresh off of a 12 week transformation which indeed did transform his (and my) life. He ate so healthy through those 12 weeks, and felt great, not to mention the results were impeccable. But the amazing thing is, I don’t have to give him my hour long speeches on eating healthy anymore. He gets it. We get it. Because, after dating so long and eating like crap together for so long… I forgot/chose not to use a lot of what I learned growing up.

Food is not just food. You can’t just eat anything you want and be healthy. And medicine is great sometimes, but if you eat the right food that turns into preventative medicine. The funny thing with organic food is that people think it is some new fad. You all realize it’s not, right? It’s just people eating food the way it should be eaten. Naturally. Without chemicals, preservatives, colors, and enhancers. This is not some new fad, this is how the very first people ate… and I dare say they were healthier than we are.

So how do you think we’ll raise our little girl to eat? Guesses? For as much as we can help it, she will eat food in its most natural form. We’ve got this brand new baby to work with. We’re responsible for giving her nutrition, for helping her grow, for keeping her healthy, and for giving her good and healthy options. America is so mixed up with the idea of food. Just because sauce with cheese already in it can sit on a shelf for a year and never expire, doesn’t mean it should. Just because they make life size cheeseburgers at restaurants, doesn’t mean you should eat them. And I apologize for all of you whom I am about to offend… but milk is not the end all to be all. Do you know how much crap is in milk? Hormones, infections, cultures, and bacteria. Yum… drink up. Does nobody ever stop to question why so many people are lactose intolerant… it’s just.not.good.for.you.

Leah will get a good balance in her life. It’s not like we will never take her to a restaurant, don’t worry. She will have cake. She will get treats. But most of her meals will be cooked from home. I will make all of her baby food from scratch. It’s really not that hard to mash some peas on your own. Not to mention, cheaper. I’m sure there will be times when I make her Kraft mac and cheese from a box… but that will be a very special occasion. She won’t get cows milk. Gasp! I don’t buy into the wisdom of the masses, sorry. She will get Almond Milk like her mama. And actually, she should be used to it… that’s all she’s gotten for the last 8 months. And before you worry about her bones and teeth and everything else, almond milk has plenty of calcium and protein just like milk. She will not… will not… get high fructose corn syrup. I said it. It’s really just boiled down pesticide, I don’t care what the new commercials have to say because people are finally figuring out how awful it is. I will lighten up on that one a little though, she won’t get it when she’s young. When she’s a little older we can splurge. But little ones don’t need sugar as it is, let alone that stuff. She won’t get soda. Ever. Or until she can buy it for herself. There is just no need. Again, just because something tastes good doesn't mean you need it.

I’m a sucker for ingredients. Call me crazy, but I like to know what exactly is going in my body, Kyle’s body, and soon Leah’s tiny body. Do you know there is aluminum in some pancake mixes? Because every good pancake needs a little aluminum to aide in digestion. So before you think I am going to be the worst, meanest mom in the world… would you let your kid eat aluminum, even if it tasted good and they wanted it? Somebody’s got to look out for her. And with Kyle and I knowing what we know about food, I feel like we’re up to the task.

It’s against the mainstream, I am well aware. So we’ve got an uphill battle to fight. But it matters to us, so I think we’ll do okay. And with our families, and whomever else might be involved in Leah’s life I think we can make it work. 

Baby Orajel

I am completely neurotic. I thought (and you may have thought) I was before, but it is not a fact that no one can deny. My obsession with getting.things.done. has taken a turn for the worse. Could it be a dimension of nesting? I don’t know, but one thing is for certain… I need to be stopped.

It all started like this:

Leah didn’t have any diaper cream. You know, one of those things she absolutely needs before she is born. She’s got her soap, and her lotion, and all of her other bath time/grooming products… but no diaper cream. Of course, not having it was enough to give me a conniption fit. I completely obsessed about it for two weeks. You might be thinking that I could have just gone to the store and bought it if it was that big of a deal, but here comes the sad part. Target no longer carries it in the tubes. Of the kind that I wanted (and I am also neurotically specific) they only had it in a big tub. And a big tub will just not due for a diaper bag. So for the past two weeks I have been looking online at different stores, including Amazon, and I found it, but I hate ordering online.

So my obsession with having her diaper cream grew more intense every day, probably because I knew I couldn’t have what I wanted. But it also developed into something more severe. It transcended into Leah also needing medicine! After all, she will probably come out with a diaper rash, a fever, and God knows what else. Right? No? Well, even knowing I was being irrational, the thought of not being prepared with medicine and diaper cream was enough to send me over the edge.

Today was my breaking point. I was sitting at work unable to concentrate, because of my need to be prepared for all of the illnesses that might someday plague Leah. I did one more desperate search online to see if somehow Target got the tubes of the cream I wanted back. They did not. So I derived a plan B. Aveeno it would be. You see, I’m neurotic in several ways, one of which being things need to be natural.

That's a different blog entirely, but I can’t stand the thought of putting chemical induced creams on Leah’s brand new skin. There are some exceptions, but if I can help it, and it's something that will make a difference being natural, I will try to go that route. Aveeno was my second best bet to the other stuff I had found. And target had it!

So at lunchtime, nearly bursting at the seems, I took a trip to target. And I walked the isles. And I found it all. She now has two tubes of Aveeno diaper cream, she has dye free medicine… and last but not least, she has baby Orajel!

Because, Lord knows, she will come out teething. And I know I do not want to be caught unprepared. When I first spotted it on the shelf, it was almost like a light was beeming on it. You see, they now have a natural form of orajel! No flavor, no numbing stuff, no dyes. I wanted to jump up and down. But I didn’t. I’m sure my eyes got huge, and I’m glad no one else was in the isle, but I calmly picked it up and put it in my basket. Smiling from ear to ear on the inside. It was one of those things you never think about, but once you see it it becomes a necessity.

I left Target a happy girl. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I emailed Kyle to tell him he could stop worrying now, Leah has medicine. I’m absolutely positive he was as worried as I was the entire time. So I know he is equally relieved. But alas, Leah can now come out with a diaper rash, fever, and teeth and we will be ready for her!

I hope she knows I do it all in love. 

Our Plan of Attack

Oh, the birth plan.

The really good moms out there seem to have one. However, I could never seem to wrap my head around it. And I am definitely not criticizing anyone that had one, to each his own. Although in my own case, I am much happier leaving my safety and Leah's safety up to the doctor I have trusted for the last 8 months. The same one who went to medical school, and has been delivering babies for 12 years. But, nevertheless, this same doctor gave us a "wish list" of boxes to check on options we had for birth. I was completely overwhelmed by it at first, after all, she gave it to me at our very first appointment. Some of the things I had never even thought of. Slowly, but surely I have been working on it though, checking off boxes as I (and Kyle) make up our minds on certain things. And I am proud to say, after 31 weeks, we have a plan.

I'm not good at plans, I'm rather impulsive, but the checking of boxes I can handle. So if you're curious, some of our boxes go like so:

Labor Partner: Kyle. He's it. He's the only one I want in there the whole day. Poor guy. We will bring lots of things to do to keep ourselves occupied though. Apparently, I will learn how to play pitch. There will also be my laptop, iphones, a tv, and magazines. It just seems way to intimate of an occasion to have the world in there as well. Some people welcome crowds, some welcome family... I welcome Kyle. He's my family.

Induction: I do not want to be induced in any way. I will try everything from walking 10 miles to eating lemon cupcakes to get her out on my own. However, if it comes down to it and she's just not coming... I'll give in. As with everything else, I want what's best for Leah whether it's in my plan or not.

Epidural: This one was tricky. As I've said before, the moment I walked in on my sister mid contraction was the moment I decided I wanted an epidural for myself. However, somewhere in the last 31 weeks that has changed some. Perhaps it was the video I watched of someone getting one, or the fact that I learned it basically straps you to your bed. But my mind has softened on it some. For now, I will take an epidural when I absolutely cannot stand the pain anymore. If that moment comes at 2cm, fine. If I go the whole way and think I can finish without it, fine. We shall see.


Cutting the Cord: Leah's daddy will do that. I left this one all up to him. I could have cared less. After initially giving the thought of it an awful face, he decided he wants the scissors.


Nursery for Leah: Nope. She'll be with us the whole time. Some say it's good to let them sleep in the nursery so that we can get some rest. I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to rest if she wasn't right beside me. I might even choose to stay up all night and watch her breathe, who knows?


Pacifier for Leah in the Hospital: Yes, please. Babies need to suck to soothe themselves. Soothe away, Leah.

Visitors: You better believe we checked the box that said the nurses will announce all visitors. We have no idea what shape I'll be in, Leah will be in, or Kyle will be in. And for those days that we are in the hospital, those are our priorities. I will be in full on mama bear mode, so our advice to any visitors would be to call first. Otherwise, we reserve the right to have the nurses politely send you away and not feel guilty about it :). Also, absolutely no visitors are allowed when Leah is eating. Not a one.

Those are pretty much the boxes that the general public would care about. There were others that I know you don't want to read as much as I don't want to tell you about. I am getting (we are getting) so excited for this day, and having the "plan" finished and signed makes it seem just that much closer. But it's just that, a plan. We will check into the hospital with a plan, but Leah will dictate all final decisions. I can't wait to write part two of this blog and see how closely we were able to stick to our checked boxes!

31 Weeks. When are you due?

I didn’t think people were supposed to ask that question. I mean, sure, if you know me and know that I am pregnant it’s appropriate, but isn’t there some unwritten rule that says don’t just assume someone is pregnant? Regardless, I am asked that question at least once a day now. Grocery stores, public bathrooms, church, gas stations, restaurants, you name it. I don’t actually care, because I am pregnant, I just thought it was not supposed to be socially acceptable. Kyle tells me that I indeed look undeniably pregnant, so most people feel comfortable asking, and I guess that makes sense. It actually makes me feel better. I would rather people assume I’m pregnant than assume I’ve just got a massive beer gut. I, however, cannot imagine asking a complete stranger when they are due. It’s none of my business. It’s not just when are you due, either. It’s also, “are you having a boy or girl.” “You must be buying paint for your babies room” (in lowes, buying paint for my babies room…). “Have you got a name picked out?” And my personal favorite to date, “Are you due in September?” Uhhh… what? Now complete strangers are also guessing my due date at random. I was so flustered by this sweet old lady in the church bathroom, I said, “no, august.” Wait, what? I had to quickly correct myself, and say, “I mean the beginning of July.” She probably thought I was nuts, but I thought the same of her. No, I am not due in September, thanks for playing.

We are at 31 weeks! 9 to go the whole way, and 6 to full term! Oh.My.Goodness. I am so very excited. Things are pretty much done in regards to preparing. I will continue to work on her laundry, and am making myself wait to pack our hospital bags for a few more weeks… but besides that, we’re ready for her! Since she’s pretty much “done” as far as her body goes, there’s not really anything new to say. She is around 3.5lbs and 18 inches. Woah, baby. She’s getting big! One new thing this week, however, is that all 5 of her senses are developed. She can now see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. Yay for Leah! She gets the hiccups 3-4 times a day, it’s insane. With the exception of one time, I always feel them on my extreme lower left side. Does that mean she’s in the proper position for birth now? Head down, butt up? I think it does. After all, hiccups are an upper body event. I also get hard jabs on my upper right side and right under my right rib cage. So if I had to guess, I’d say she is laying diagonally, head to the left, feet to the right. Using these last 9 weeks to slowly rotate herself to come out and meet us!

I also believe our little girl can fist bump now. And here’s why: I was reading an article last week about what you might be feeling when your baby is moving. And it described different parts of the body and what they might feel like. Apparently the “little balls” that stick up from my belly from time to time could very well be her little fists. So naturally, I’m assuming she is just giving her mom and dad a fist bump, and knowing this now, I make sure to give her one back… and I make Kyle as well. It’s rude to deny someone a fist bump. We are a fist bumping bunch of Proebstings now. As for the rest of it, the “bigger balls” may either be her head or rump. Going with the theory that her head is down low where it is supposed to be, I am only left to believe that the feeling I get most often, that big ball that sticks out my right side, is indeed her little butt sticking out. Her legs are pretty easy, I’ve been confident on them for a while… long and skinny… and usually somewhere far too close to my ribs. Her arms start flailing from time to time as well, they don’t seem to be as strong as what I think are her legs, but I think they are what I’m feeling below my belly button. Oh, what I would give to be able to peak in at her and see if I’m right!

And how am I? Tired. Forgetful. But actually, even with no energy or memory, I’m still happy and enjoying being pregnant. It’s getting harder to walk and breathe, but I still have no stretch marks, my ring still fits, I’ve gained the right amount of weight, and I’m eating healthier than I ever have. I’d say I might just make it through this experience alive. I am getting hungrier and hungrier though. She’s like a tape worm in there. Most of the time when I eat, I feel like nothing actually makes it to my stomach. I imagine her as that little pac man guy swimming around eating everything I give her before it has a chance to make me full. With all of the tiredness these days, I’ve had to start doing something very hard for me… ask for help. Just to Kyle, but even that tastes bitter coming out. I just enjoy doing things on my own and for myself. But I’m so darn tired, if I don’t ask him to help me things just won’t get done… and that’s even worse. I’m a little nervous about how I’ll react to help when Leah comes. I’m not good at taking it, and would really prefer not to have it. I know that’s horrible, but I can’t help it. So if you’re reading and are already thinking of ways you can help after she comes, I definitely appreciate it, but tread lightly. Or better yet, wait until I ask… that way you know I’ll be desperate.

One thing I don't need help with though is making my nest. You know, "nesting." This was another one of those things I didn't think was real. I can assure you now, it is. I have this compulsive, unrelenting need to clean, organize, cook, and throw away anything that stands in my way.  It's getting a little out of hand. And now that her room is done, I take it out on the rest of the house. To give you an example, Saturday we had about 45 minutes before we would leave to go eat lunch with some friends. I was sitting downstairs, half ready, but with a desire to clean under the bathroom cabinets so strong I couldn't shake it. So I used 30 of those 45 minutes and I cleaned the heck out of those cabinets. I threw away a ton of junk that had just been sitting in there, I reorganized our medicine, I reorganized my nail polish, and I wiped down the cabinet. And then I breathed a sigh of relief, finished my hair, smiled at my productiveness, and off we went to lunch. Sunday I spent the day doing more of the same. However, I also organized the magnets on the fridge, after all, they were completely unacceptable. Kyle told me he is not a fan of my nesting, because his things usually do not fair well. In my defense though, a ratty straw hat with bud light beer caps folded along the brim is not appropriate for any father of Leah's...

Last but not least, we found a doctor for Leah (and myself) last week! That was the one big thing I still wanted to get out of the way, and I’m so happy to cross it off the list. I’m also glad the first time was the charm, and I don’t have to keep thinking about it. He’s the one I blogged about last time; family practitioner, DO, etc… He seems great, smart, and is willing to work with us on our vaccine schedule… makes for a happy mama!

I can’t believe next week we’ll be 32 weeks! Things are picking up pace!!