Sharing Insomnia with Leah

I got inspired at 2am last night. Who woulda thought I could even think straight, let alone be inspired. Sleep just wasn't happening for me, or Leah. I got up to go to the bathroom at precisely 12:55am, and just couldn't go back to sleep. I rolled around for 30 minutes, starving, trying to decide if I could wait until 6am to eat. It was becoming painfully obvious that I could not. At 1:27 I was wide awake, belly completely empty and growling. Leah was also wide awake, probably because she was starving as well. So at 1:30 I grabbed my phone to be used as a flashlight, and whispered to my baby, "ok, you win. we'll eat."

Down we went. It might as well have been 8am. I could have started my day right then and there. I had no desire to sleep. I don't know if it was the hunger pangs, or the fact that I went to bed at 8, but I was up. And Leah was up. I turned on some lights, poured us a bowl of cinnamon chex, and headed to the couch. It was on the couch, at 2am, that I fell a little deeper in love with this little girl.

I realized how much I love being pregnant. Even the bad stuff isn't so bad, because the sickness means Leah is healthy, the back pain means she is resting comfortably, and the crampy pressure means she is growing. All good things in my book. It almost doesn't even seem fair to call it bad, because it's all good for her. And it means I'm pregnant. Something I've wanted and waited for my whole life.

I could easily become Mrs. Duggar. Sure, she's absolutely insane, but I get it. I would love to relive this experience again and again. Maybe not the chicken strips coming through my nose, but if that leads to the kicks and squirms then I'd do it every day. This is only my first, and I'm not even finished, but I'm excited for the others that will follow. Leah has been a hoot, and it has been my pleasure to host her for the past 26 weeks.

So back to my inspiration. And really, I don't know if inspiration is the right word. I'm not sure what the word is for it. But at 2am I came to realize that she just makes everything a little more enjoyable. Normally, if I don't sleep or can't sleep, I am miserable. But last night was different. For the 30 minutes I rolled around I was laughing or smiling my way through it. You see, Leah was there with me. Inside me to be exact, and there's nothing like that feeling. She has to go everywhere I go, and be everywhere I am whether she likes it or not, which is perfectly fine by me. So if I must be up at 2am, I'd much rather have a little buddy to share that time with. And one that kicks me, and squirms all over the place is just a bonus. I laugh at how much she moves, and often wonder if she moves more than most. She has proven herself to be advanced, so I'm going to guess she is also stronger and more mobile than most babies. I haven't been alone for the past 6 and a half months, and I've still got almost 3 to soak it all up. When we go on trips, she comes with us and they are instantly more fun. When I go to work, she comes with me and it's easier to get out the door. When I go shopping, she's there and helps me pick out more food than I thought I wanted. And when I'm up for two and a half hours in the middle of the night, I have her to play with and talk to while we eat cereal all alone and in the quiet.

As much as I cannot wait to see her and hold her with my arms, I will sincerely miss her in my belly.

So when the cereal was gone, and I realized not a lot happens on facebook at 2am, we headed back up. I told her on the way back up the stairs that she had to settle down now and let us go back to sleep. She didn't listen. She jumped, and danced, and squirmed for the next hour. And what did I do? I layed there smiling, not minding if I went back to sleep or not. I decided to enjoy the time with her. Usually, if I can't sleep I also start thinking of all the worst things. Things I have to do, things that need to be paid for, things that stress me out. But she was demanding my attention, and all I could think about was her. If I didn't, I got a solid left hook to the ribs. So I did. I thought all about her. I thought about what in God's name she will look like. I thought about if she will be girly or a tomboy. I thought about her and her future puppy brother. I thought about her playing with her nieces. I thought about bringing her to our bed on Saturday mornings and laying with her. I thought about rocking her to sleep at 2am in just a few months. I thought about the three of us becoming a family. I thought about the moments after she's born, and how special they will be. I thought about bringing her home from the hospital and showing her around her new place. I thought about just how special this whole process is.

I thought about Life with Leah, and somewhere in all of those wonderful thoughts, our bellies full and our hearts content, we both drifted peacefully back to sleep.