Sharing Insomnia with Leah

I got inspired at 2am last night. Who woulda thought I could even think straight, let alone be inspired. Sleep just wasn't happening for me, or Leah. I got up to go to the bathroom at precisely 12:55am, and just couldn't go back to sleep. I rolled around for 30 minutes, starving, trying to decide if I could wait until 6am to eat. It was becoming painfully obvious that I could not. At 1:27 I was wide awake, belly completely empty and growling. Leah was also wide awake, probably because she was starving as well. So at 1:30 I grabbed my phone to be used as a flashlight, and whispered to my baby, "ok, you win. we'll eat."

Down we went. It might as well have been 8am. I could have started my day right then and there. I had no desire to sleep. I don't know if it was the hunger pangs, or the fact that I went to bed at 8, but I was up. And Leah was up. I turned on some lights, poured us a bowl of cinnamon chex, and headed to the couch. It was on the couch, at 2am, that I fell a little deeper in love with this little girl.

I realized how much I love being pregnant. Even the bad stuff isn't so bad, because the sickness means Leah is healthy, the back pain means she is resting comfortably, and the crampy pressure means she is growing. All good things in my book. It almost doesn't even seem fair to call it bad, because it's all good for her. And it means I'm pregnant. Something I've wanted and waited for my whole life.

I could easily become Mrs. Duggar. Sure, she's absolutely insane, but I get it. I would love to relive this experience again and again. Maybe not the chicken strips coming through my nose, but if that leads to the kicks and squirms then I'd do it every day. This is only my first, and I'm not even finished, but I'm excited for the others that will follow. Leah has been a hoot, and it has been my pleasure to host her for the past 26 weeks.

So back to my inspiration. And really, I don't know if inspiration is the right word. I'm not sure what the word is for it. But at 2am I came to realize that she just makes everything a little more enjoyable. Normally, if I don't sleep or can't sleep, I am miserable. But last night was different. For the 30 minutes I rolled around I was laughing or smiling my way through it. You see, Leah was there with me. Inside me to be exact, and there's nothing like that feeling. She has to go everywhere I go, and be everywhere I am whether she likes it or not, which is perfectly fine by me. So if I must be up at 2am, I'd much rather have a little buddy to share that time with. And one that kicks me, and squirms all over the place is just a bonus. I laugh at how much she moves, and often wonder if she moves more than most. She has proven herself to be advanced, so I'm going to guess she is also stronger and more mobile than most babies. I haven't been alone for the past 6 and a half months, and I've still got almost 3 to soak it all up. When we go on trips, she comes with us and they are instantly more fun. When I go to work, she comes with me and it's easier to get out the door. When I go shopping, she's there and helps me pick out more food than I thought I wanted. And when I'm up for two and a half hours in the middle of the night, I have her to play with and talk to while we eat cereal all alone and in the quiet.

As much as I cannot wait to see her and hold her with my arms, I will sincerely miss her in my belly.

So when the cereal was gone, and I realized not a lot happens on facebook at 2am, we headed back up. I told her on the way back up the stairs that she had to settle down now and let us go back to sleep. She didn't listen. She jumped, and danced, and squirmed for the next hour. And what did I do? I layed there smiling, not minding if I went back to sleep or not. I decided to enjoy the time with her. Usually, if I can't sleep I also start thinking of all the worst things. Things I have to do, things that need to be paid for, things that stress me out. But she was demanding my attention, and all I could think about was her. If I didn't, I got a solid left hook to the ribs. So I did. I thought all about her. I thought about what in God's name she will look like. I thought about if she will be girly or a tomboy. I thought about her and her future puppy brother. I thought about her playing with her nieces. I thought about bringing her to our bed on Saturday mornings and laying with her. I thought about rocking her to sleep at 2am in just a few months. I thought about the three of us becoming a family. I thought about the moments after she's born, and how special they will be. I thought about bringing her home from the hospital and showing her around her new place. I thought about just how special this whole process is.

I thought about Life with Leah, and somewhere in all of those wonderful thoughts, our bellies full and our hearts content, we both drifted peacefully back to sleep.

26 Weeks! 99 Days! 3rd Trimester!

If you are a strict blog follower of mine, and pay excellent attention to detail, then you would know that today I have reached the last of the three weeks I had picked out in my head that are particularly exciting to me. The first was 9 weeks, the second was 17, and the last is 26. I'm not sure where any of those came from, or why I got excited about those three weeks, but I did. And now I'm at the final one! I remember thinking how far away 26 weeks seemed, but time has flown.

26 weeks also means some other things, none of which I knew when I decided at the beginning to get excited for this particular week. It means... we have 99 days left! Do you know just how few days that is?? It also means I am in my third and final trimester! Woah. Where did the first two go? Well, the first went down the toilet, quite literally and in the form of vomit. And the second kind of glided by at a nice pace and was full of exciting "firsts." Depending on the book you read, or the person you talk to the 3rd trimester can start anywhere from 25-28 weeks. But my doctor says 26, and it really doesn't matter, so why not make it now? I think I will.

The third trimester is one day in, and already giving me a run for my money. The bathroom thing is getting seriously out of control. Leah is suddenly VERY heavy, and there's a new fun pressure that makes me think she's going to fall out every time I take a step. And still so long to go... this should be fun...

So what fun and exciting thing did Leah do this past week? Well, she grew. I really don't know how she keeps growing. And I'm getting pretty scared of the fact that a majority of the growing is still headed my way. I'm fully expecting a 16lb baby. I have felt like my stomach is going to rip in half for most of the week. It's a really fun feeling. I've also watched my belly button get closer and closer to either popping out or closing up. I can't tell which will happen, but it is definitely transforming. Leah has also changed from mainly kicking and punching to now swimming and stretching. She ripples all over my stomach, and I can't get enough of watching her. Oh, also, she has continued to become more and more interactive this past week. When I put my hand on my stomach, she almost always will kick or move in some way for me to feel, and almost instantly (if she's not sleeping)! She can feel us feeling her now and respond.... she's so smart! I've tried to lay off poking her though, and mainly pat or rest my hand on her. The poking is still fun though :)

And what does she have on the agenda for this week? Well for starters, she will begin opening her eyes! I still don't understand it with the fluid she lives in, but it's exciting none the less. Not that there is a whole lot to look at, but apparently she will respond if we shine a flashlight on my belly. I kind of feel like that's mean, but I'm sure I'll do it... I can't help myself if I know something will make her move. Air sacs are also developing in her lungs, and her retinas are finished developing... which means her eyes are officially created! Yay! I can't wait to see them! The nerves in her ears are getting more and more sophisticated every day, making her respond to us and other outside sounds more and more. Her circulatory system is also functioning 100% now! It's crazy how she's "wrapping up" all of these big things she's been working on developing. Which I guess proves we're getting closer and closer to the end! And finally, this week she is just at or a little under 2lbs and 14 inches!

Leah and I, and Kyle also get to celebrate my birthday this week! Yay! And don't worry, I had the cake I want picked out in the middle of March. I've been trying to tell Leah how good it's going to be, but she just has no idea what's coming her way. She will be SO excited! I'll make sure to eat extra good this week so I can eat all the cake I want this coming weekend.

Well that's about it. We survived our weekend away, and had a good time... but are exhausted. Trips absolutely drain me now. 13 weeks, 6 days, and counting!

25 Weeks, 15 Weeks. Daddy's Girl!

Every week that goes by I get more and more astonished at how fast it's all going. 25 weeks means we have 15 weeks left, and in just 7 days we will meet the 100 day mark! It's weird how things can be going so quickly, but so slowly at the same time. If I think about seeing her cute little face it's almost like time stops, but if I think about all we have left to do time starts traveling at the speed of light. But, no matter what it feels like... 25 weeks is 25 weeks.

I was trying to think of something to summarize this past week. Usually some big event occurs that I just can't wait to write about. It didn't take long for me to come up with it though, this week Leah has been a daddy's girl.

I don't know if Kyle has become more patient, or Leah has given us even more kicks, but she has really let her daddy bond with her this week. She really does kick a lot when he talks, but besides that she has been more than willing to kick him this week. There was the incident where she kicked him in the head. We were going to bed, and she was practicing her usual bedtime routine of bouncing off my organs. Her kicks were strong and often, so I made him feel. He felt a couple with his hand, then got brave and put his head on my belly. She was still for a minute, and anticipation was building. All of a sudden, she gave us a big kick. And as someone who feels them all, I can tell you this one was one of her strongest. He took a shot right to the ear. It's all very alien, to have a baby living in your body, and even more surreal when that baby interacts with you. Needless to say, Kyle shot up, and we both just started laughing. I imagine Leah was laughing as well. She let her dad know his big head was not welcome in her already cramped space. I also took a short trip to Poplar Bluff this weekend. Unfortunately, my mom was really sick, so I left one night early. When I got back to St. Charles, and back around Kyle, Leah came alive. He didn't come with me, so I think it's safe to assume she missed him and was very happy to be back around his voice. She kicked... all night. I stayed up late last night, not really tired, and when I did go to bed the three of us were laying there just catching up. Leah very much wanted to be a part of the conversation, and was practically swimming back and forth across my stomach. Every time Kyle put his hand on my belly or talked to her she made sure to give him a kick. And all of her biggest and best kicks. Not only could we feel her, we could see her rippling all over my stomach. She wanted very much to be felt and seen. I attribute it all to her being happy she was back with her dad. I can't wait to see the two of them together when she's out of my belly!

With only 15 weeks left now, I'm starting to really feel pregnant. I get more of those "uncomfortable" moments. More back pain, more hip pain, more foot pain, more rib pain. More trips to the bathroom, more trips to the fridge, and more staring at all of the food in the grocery store, overwhelmed because I want it all. I even yelled at her one day. I was laying down relaxing and out of nowhere she kicked me SO hard! I don't know what she kicked, but it actually hurt. I involuntarily yelled out, "LEAH." Haha, then I felt really bad, apologized, and rubbed my belly. I was just so shocked by the whole experience! But, I will not for a second wish anything was any different. I love that I have the opportunity to be pregnant, and even when I complain - I am so so happy on the inside.

Leah has another big week ahead of her. At 25 weeks, she is over 1.5lbs, and 13.5 inches! And I can feel every ounce and inch. Her nostrils, which have been plugged up until now, will clear out this week, and she can practice breathing through her nose. I'm not sure how that works with the fluid she lives in though, that's just what they tell me. Her vocal chords are also developing. Her spine is starting to gather all it needs: 150 joints, 33 vertebrae, and over 1,000 ligaments! Crazy! Her hair isn't white anymore, but the color it will be at birth!! Oh, how I want to know just what color that is?! My guess is a shade of brown. We have both had dreams she has light brown hair, so I guess we'll see. If she was born this week, she would have an 82% survival rate, with a lot of help. That fact is kind of reassuring, and crazy that we're already at the point where she quite possibly could come. However, I in no way want her here now. She needs to keep collecting fat, blood vessels, vertebrae, calcium, and whatever else she might need to be born and not rely on medicine to stay alive. So Leah, if you're listening... stay put. We'll wait for you.

Leah and I had another doctor's appointment today. And well, she kicked the nurse. Haha. To which the nurse responded, "wow, she's an active baby." Ya, I know. But everything was great! Her heartbeat was 154, fast and strong. My weight was right on track, grand total being.......14lbs. I had my glucose test tonight, and will hear if I passed or failed in a day or two. I had better have passed! Kyle and I are going on a trip this weekend, about 4 hours away. To avoid swelling and blood clots, she told me to drink lots to water. That should be fun. We'll only have to stop every 15 minutes. She also told me I could get some diabetic compression socks to help with circulation, and yes, I'm considering it.

That's about it. Leah and I are about to enjoy our king size candy bar for being champions at being pregnant!!

6 Months!!

I absolutely cannot believe I have been pregnant for 6 months. Depending on the book, some say I've been 6 months for a week or two already, but I calculate it as 4 weeks in a month, 24 weeks, 6 months. That is also 2/3rds of the way finished with this pregnancy. It's so crazy to me that I'm closer to being finished that I am to the beginning. I still feel like I just found out this week. We went through an entire holiday season being pregnant, from Halloween to New Years! Crazy. A lot has happened, I know, but it still doesn't change the fact that it all feels so new still! So for this ever special 6 month milestone blog, I figured I would relive some of my favorite and most memorable moments of the last 6 months. I'll start at the beginning...

• Tuesday night before I took the test. Nothing had happened, if you know what I mean, and my mind started racing. Wednesday morning, still nothing. Let the incessant interpretation of everything I was experiencing begin. Am I tired? Am I emotional? Do I have to pee more than normal? Is that heartburn? I talked to my sister and my friend Elizabeth non.stop. that week asking their opinions of everything. They must have hated me. By Wednesday I had clued Kyle in and also given myself a deadline... Saturday morning I would take a test. And as we all know, nothing happened. 
• Saturday morning. After a sleepless night Friday, I woke up at 6am. I have never been more nervous and anxious in my life. I debated for a while if I should wake Kyle up before or after. I decided on after. I walked downstairs. Unwrapped the test, hands shaking... here goes nothing. There is no way it is going to be positive. Did my thing. Set it on the counter. Glanced over 10 seconds later on accident... pregnant. What happened to three minutes?! I needed those three minutes! I'm not ready to see that word yet. Cue panic. And excitement. My sister and my friend both knew my deadline, and were waiting to hear. So my dilema became, go wake Kyle up (mind you it's 6:15 on a Saturday) or call them first. I went with them. I actually texted them, ha. First a text to Aunt Lauren which promted an immediate call. Then a text to Elizabeth that prompted a text back of a million exclamation points. That, along with sitting and remembering every beer and glass of wine I had had the weekend before at a wedding kept me busy until 8. 
• I walked upstairs, slowly. Crawled into bed, slowly. Kyle rolled over, slowly. And we had the most delicate conversation:
• Kyle: Did you pee on the stick
• Me: Yes
• Kyle: You did? What'd it say?
• Me: Pregnant
• Silence. 
• That first month we took a lot of walks. It was just turning to fall so the weather was perfect. We talked about our "plan." We talked about if it would be a boy or girl. We talked about money. We talked about nursery's. We talked about everything under the sun. Those walks were the best. And I remember feeling a little nervous, but so happy during them knowing there were actually 3 of us walking.
• For a couple weeks following that, I felt great. Kyle had gotten more comfortable with the idea. He was always happy, just shocked. I was thinking about everything imaginable from car seats to what he or she would look like. Luckily, at the time I didn't have a job so I just sat at home and day dreamed. I would have been useless at a job. I walked every day, I ate spinach every day, I avoided cleaning supplies, I researched car seats, I pictured "him" just knowing he was a boy. 
• I remember the time I cried in Target. Why? I had picked out a book to buy for the baby called, God Gave Us You. It's seriously the sweetest book, and a message every baby/child should hear. So I was reading it in the store and came to the page that read, "Umm, Mama? I was wondering... Did you ever want a different baby? One like Samuel the seal or Fredrika the fox?" "Never," Said Mama, "Never, ever, ever. Your papa and I wouldn't trade you for the world." "Why," Little Cub asked. "Why? Because God gave us you." and I broke down. How absolutely sweet, and those were my thoughts exactly. She was our gift. She was planned and formed perfectly by God and made perfectly for our family.
• I remember the one time I got brave enough to clean with chemicals. I tried to be So careful. I didn't want to inhale too much, or get any on me. I had my rubber gloves on, and would have added a mask if I had one. I was getting the mop out to clean the floors, and I knocked over the bottle of pine sol! Absolute panic set it! Do.Not.Breathe. Wait - you have to breath, the baby will go brain dead. Open all the windows! Mind you, it's now November and cold. I was sitting on my couch 30 minutes later shivering, still smelling pine sol as strong as ever. I decided to go for a walk. I was seriously afraid I was killing my baby breathing that stuff in. I froze that entire walk, came back to a freezing house, but thankfully the smell had left a little. I think it's safe to say, she survived. 
• The first doctor's appointment was so exciting. We didn't get to hear a heartbeat or anything, but just being there was good enough for me. She confirmed I was pregnant, asked a million questions, and I got to fill out hospital paperwork! Things started getting real.
• Then all hell broke loose. Just when I started to think I wouldn't get sick, it hit me. I remember the first day I felt bad. I kept thinking it was in my head. Everyone says you get sick, so I believed I was just imagining it. But it got worse throughout the day. I lied around all day wondering if this was the "morning sickness" I'd been hearing so much about.
• It was. And from that day until 14 weeks I.Was.Sick. I remember the first time I puked. I was feeling so sick, and it was close to dinner time. I assumed I was mostly sick because I was hungry. I asked Kyle to get me some peanut butter crackers. I ate them all, and felt even sicker. Two seconds later I was in the bathroom throwing them all up. I remember coming out of the bathroom, making eye contact with him, and thinking to myself, "here we go."
• My worst memory of puking is the night I decided I was feeling "good" and decided to get steak and shake chicken strips. Not 5 minutes after I was finished with them, I was in the bathroom. I threw up harder than I ever have in my life. Chicken was literally coming out of my nose to the point it hurt. When I got done, what seemed like an hour later, my shirt was covered in it, it had splashed on the bathroom floor, and I noticed I had popped the blood vessels under my eyes. Is that tmi? I'm sorry, try living it...
• My absolute favorite memory to this day happened the day after Christmas. I blogged about it, so if you keep up you will remember. I was laying in bed, not sleeping as usual and put my hand on my belly for a minute. It landed on the smallest, hardest little ball. That was my baby! I poked that ball for what felt like hours. For the first time I realized she was real, a real being. And she was growing. Sure, she was tiny, but she came from nothing and was now the size of my palm. I was smiling from ear to ear like an idiot. It was the first connection I made with her, and I will never ever forget it. I didn't want to move. That moment still beats out her first kicks for me. That was the day I fell in love. 
• The appointment where we finally got to hear her little heartbeat was the best! I was sooo nervous and hoping and praying that there was a heartbeat, and that it was strong. The nurse put the doppler to my belly, and there she was. If I had known then what I know now about how active she was, the fact that it was so fast would not have surprised me in the least. It was so fast and strong, and the coolest sound. 
• Her first kicks. Happened right after a shopping trip, and had I known then she was a girl, that would have explained her excitement. Sitting on the couch all alone and feeling four thumps coming from inside was the most magical thing in the world. She was alive and kicking... literally. I questioned it, but knew what I was experiencing was her. I would have loved for her to do that all day.
• Kyle feeling her kicks. We were watching the Cardinals Winter Warm up late at night. I was laying on the couch, and Leah was going crazy! I'm not usually up that late, so I wondered if she is like this every night and I'm just sleeping. I figured if Kyle was ever going to feel her kick, the best opportunity would be now. I told him to put his hand on my belly, and we just waited. I felt a couple really small ones, but he didn't move, so I figured he didn't feel anything. I didn't want to say anything, I wanted him to feel it all on his own. But not too long after, she gave us a good kick, and we both turned and looked at each other. "Hey dad!"
• Cleaning out our office and making it her nursery was another one of those big things that made me realize how real this all was. We used a Friday night to do it, and Kyle moved all of the furniture while I mostly sat and watched. Hello, I'm not supposed to lift heavy things. When he was done moving everything I vacuumed it up and arranged her stuff into a neat pile. I just stood in there when it was all empty thinking, "I can't wait to see this room with a baby in it." I still go in there almost daily and look around, say hello to Leah, and imagine it with her in there. I cannot wait to walk in there in the mornings and get her out of her crib!
• The day we found out she was a she! I couldn't even stand the anticipation. Seriously, the week leading up to this day was torture. Not to mention our appointment wasn't until 2... longest day ever. I just knew she was a boy though, so I figured there wasn't much they would tell me that I didn't know. I got nervous that morning about them finding something wrong, which was added torture. Waiting in the lobby was maybe the worst experience ever. We waited for so.long. Meanwhile I had a full bladder, and was torturing myself with bad thoughts. But the ultra sound tech put the doppler to my belly and all was well. I was instantly at peace. And I saw her heart beating. And I teared up. It's one thing to hear it, another entirely to see it. There she was. With two arms, two legs, a big belly, a perfect spine, and a perfectly round, small head, topped with a perfect button nose. Then she flipped over, and... girl. Absolute shock. I would have bet anyone money that she was a boy, but obviously someone had other plans for us. But it didn't matter, I was in love with whomever I was looking at and precious girl thoughts have consumed me ever since.
• The night we played with her ranks really high up there in the memories for me. She was beyond active. Seriously, I don't know what she was doing. She was kicking or flipping or punching up a storm and I was just laughing at her. I would poke her and she would kick back. We could see it all. And as a bonus she let us feel one of her limbs. I'm not sure which one, but it was long, slim, and firm. So I'm gonna go with leg or arm. I poked it for a while and then she moved it to where I couldn't feel it anymore, haha. She probably hates me. And will come out with dimples all over her body from all the poking. 
• The flattening of my belly button. Kyle came up behind me one day and put his arms around my belly, under my shirt... jumped back, and said, what's that?! Uh, excuse me... you know I'm pregnant, right? But he wasn't talking about my belly, he was talking about my belly button! He said it felt different, and he was right! I started feeling it, and the top of it had definitely flattened out! O.M.G. The true sign you are pregnant, the weird belly button, was upon us. I did, and have continued to obsess about it ever since.
• Another favorite has happened only lately. Kyle refuses to believe me, but I know it's true. When he comes home from work, I'm usually sitting on the couch. When he walks in and says something, she kicks. Not every time, but 90% of the time the second he says something she kicks. I love it. And he won't believe me, but she knows his voice and gets excited when he talks to her. 

I'll end our trip down memory lane with that one. There you have it. I hope you've had as much fun as we Proebsting's have. Six months ago she was the size of an apple seed, and today our little girl is the length of an ear of corn, and weighs a pound and a third. Also, my uterus which was the size of my fist, is now the size of a soccer ball. Which explains the new pressure on my ribs which I'm thoroughly enjoying. Leah's face is complete now! She has everything she needs, and it is as it will be at birth! It might just gain a little fat - I can't wait to see it!!! Whose eyes did she get?! Whose ears?! What color is her hair?! Sadly, because she is so big now, she can't do her somersaults anymore. Her inner ear is fully developed now, which means she can tell if she's upside down or right side up! How cool! I hope she doesn't get motion sickness like me! She is also working very hard on getting her lungs ready for her first breath, and focusing mainly on gaining fat. Which means I am also mainly gaining fat, sweet.

She's been a real joy these last 6 months, and I already don't know what I did or thought about without her. My life must have been so boring! I cannot wait to see her, and hold her, and kiss her, and show her her room. But it's a little early, and she's got some more baking to do so I also hope she waits patiently (unlike her mother) to come out and meet us. Until then we will continue to be beyond excited, we will continue to talk to her, we will continue to poke her, and we will continue to pray for straight bones, a strong heart, and working organs! 16 weeks and counting!

Symptoms Update!

Do you want to know what I'm wearing right now? No, that's not a dirty question... and here's why:

This morning I got up with an idea for clothes in my head. Thankfully, most of my pre-pregnancy clothes still fit as long as I wear my belly band. So I had it all planned out. Skirt, tights, shirt. Done and done. Getting there was a different story. The shirt was easy. Next came the tights... it's been a while since I've worn tights, but hey, they're stretchy, right? Easy enough. Wrong. Tights are NOT stretchy, they are TIGHT. But I didn't figure that out for a couple minutes. You see, first, I had to get my feet in them. This used to be relatively easy. Sit on the side of the bed, scrunch them up, one foot, the other foot, pull up. Not so the case today. Today went like this: Sit on the side of the bed, scrunch them up, realize you can't bend over enough to get your one foot in, stand up, bring that foot up to you, forget you're left standing on one foot, forget you have a bigger belly, remember that as you fall to the side, and repeat. Finally, 5 minutes and dripping in sweat... both feet are in. Now all that's left is pulling up. That went pretty smoothly until I got to my belly... uhhhh... Leah is not going to be able to breathe if I keep these tights on my belly all day. They. Were. Tight. Not wanting to take them off after all the time I spent putting them on, what did I do? The only logical thing I could think of. I eyed the pair of scissors sitting on the dresser, and began to cut. I cut four slits in the belly of the tights. One in front, one in back, and one on each side. They immediately folded down to the sides and off my belly. I smiled at my innovativeness, took a glimpse of myself in the mirror and actually laughed out loud. My face was beat red from fighting with them for so long, my hair was wet and a m.e.s.s. from falling all over the place, and then there were my tights... cut, ripped, and folded over to the tops of my legs. But did I change? Heck.No. I threw my skirt and belly band on and walked downstairs.

So with that story, I believe it's time for a symptom update. A lot has changed in my life since I stopped puking, some are great changes, some are scary, and some are hilarious.

Biggest change: Besides the belly, which is a given. My internal temperature has risen drastically. Normally I'm a constantly cold person. I would rather sweat than shiver, and I whine allll winter. Lately, however, I have been hot. The heat can't be on in my car, and if it is it is l.o.w. I haven't used the comforter to sleep with in over a month, and most of the time the sheet goes, too. Heaven forbid Kyle's blanket touch me, he no doubt gets an earful. What's scary is the fact that it's only March... what the heck is June going to be like? Drying and straightening my hair is a nightmare. I'm red-faced, and drenched in sweat by the time I'm done. Kyle asked me a while back when I was going to get to the stage where Steve Martin in Father of the Bride II wears the fur coat in the house... I believe we're inching closer and closer to that every day.

Emotions: Yeh, they're all over the place. For the most part, I like to think I'm still pretty even keel. However, I have noticed I have far less tolerance for anything wrong Kyle does. He gets snipped at a lot, poor guy. Some he deserves, most he doesn't. I haven't done the whole "crying at toilet paper commercials" bit, but I do cry randomly. Usually though, it's only when I'm really tired, or mad. However, I tear up with happy tears... a lot. Practically anytime I think about Leah I can make myself tear up. They usually don't leave my eyes, but I definitely well up. I just so gosh darn excited to meet her!

Favorite thing: Her kicks and pokes, duh. I could watch my belly and leave my hand on it all day. And that is not an exaggeration. Kyle, unfortunately does not have the patience I have. Every 2 seconds I tell him to "feel this" or "look at that" and if she doesn't do something in 10 seconds he's over it... ugh. But she has kicked him enough times. I guess I believe that he likes her regardless.

Energy: It's picked back up for the most part. Which is a welcome relief. I usually have enough every day to go home and pick up and cook dinner. If I'm really feeling it, I will walk or do light weights. I've been trying to make myself do that more, but there seem to be so many more fun things to do!

Sleeping: Ugh, it comes and goes. Last week, when she was growing, I got a full 9 hours a night - it was so great. This week, she's back to normal, which means my sleep is back to normal... and I'm up more often than I'd like. Thankfully, I only get up to go the the bathroom once every night so far. Every time I do though, I think of how someday soon that will be way more than once, and for way longer.

I'm Worried About: The fact that I'm only 23 weeks. Seriously, what is going to happen to this belly of mine in the next 17 weeks? I think it's big and in the way now... umm... how am I going to handle that. I already have to sit on the floor like a 2 year old to put socks on. I already can't scoot all the way up to my desk. I already can't see my feet. I already can't bend over to pick things up.... how much more can it possibly grow?! And that's rhetorical, I do not want to know the answer.

I'm Thankful For: No stretch marks, and no dark line. I don't know if it's genes, or I'm doing something right, but so far no stretch marks. Praise Jesus. When do they show up anyways? Maybe they're all waiting for me. But for now, I love my belly.

Least Favorite Part: The weight gain. Mine really isn't that bad, I'm right where I should be, and according to some books under where I should be. But that doesn't make it any easier. It's hard to watch the scale go up and up and up, knowing I can't diet or stop eating. When I'm hungry I have to eat. I also know that I'm not even in the thick of gaining weight yet, so that's a little nerve wrecking. I'm better than I was though. I've come to grips with it for the most part. I'm doing everything I can to eat healthy, and I want Leah to be a plump, healthy baby, so I guess it just comes with the territory.

Most Excited For: Besides meeting her, which is the obvious given. I am most excited for my first shower after having her. Ha, don't ask me why, but I'm already looking forward to it. I know no matter how she comes out things are gonna get messy, so I can't imagine how good that first shower will feel!

I Can't Wait To: Pack our bags for the hospital. Of course I will wait, but I'm so excited to be at that point. And that close. I can't wait to put her first outfits in it. I'm sure I'll pack way more than I need, but I don't care.

Most Dreading: Fat ankles and feet. Ugh, I can see them now... and it's not pretty. So far I haven't had any swelling though, and my ring still fits perfectly, but I know it's coming. Especially in summer, how could it not?

Weirdest Symptom: To me anyways... I didn't think this actually happened... but my feet have grown! It's true. Shoes that I have worn for over a year, and have completely broken in now cramp my toes and give me blisters. What's up with that? I heard that it happened, but I never believed it was actually true.

Dreams: I have insane dreams! Whether they are happy, sad, scary, or baby related, they are SO vivid. I heard about this happening as well. Kyle and I have both dreamed about Leah, which I love. We've compared in the mornings, and she seems to look the same to both of us. Pudgy, light brown hair, cute round face. We'll see...

Hunger: All the time.

Biggest Craving: I'm not sure I have just one big one. I eat an awful lot of fruit, and oatmeal though. Also, I crave soy milk. I have to have a glass everyday. Weird, but true. Sweet things are also always at the top of my list. However, I don't buy sweet things, and I don't want anyone to give me any. They have to be a special occasion. For instance, I'm already planning out and drooling over what kind of birthday cake I want. I don't want to go overboard with it, and Leah certainly does not need sugar.

Well that should about do it until sometime in the middle of 30 weeks when I look back on this and laugh because things have changed again. Leah has definitely done a number on me. I'll have to talk to her about it when she comes out.

23 weeks! 17 weeks!

These weeks are getting harder and harder to get through. I am beyond excited to meet little Leah, and time has already started to stand still. I didn't think this was supposed to happen until much later, but as someone who rushes everything, I should have known it would hit me earlier. I think I'm going to start counting down now instead of up. Countdowns are much easier to look at - and it's much more fun to shave off a week, than add one. So with that:

17 weeks! 

See, much more fun already! It's funny though, because as much as I think time has completely stopped after finding out Leah was a Leah, it is also racing by without me knowing it. If I stop to think, I just have 17 weeks left. That's only 17 weekends. 17 Saturdays. 17 Thursdays, you get the idea. And that's given the fact that she comes ON her due date. Which I'm not expecting. If she's early, we won't even have that long. And if she's late, well, I don't want to go there. 

So when I think about only having 17 weeks left, I think about all of the things coming our way! I have a wedding shower for my very dear friend in two weekends, which also means a trip home to see my puppies and mom and dad. Double bonus. We have an out of town wedding, which I'm a little nervous about the drive, but excited to get away with Kyle. We have my birthday, which also means Cardinals game. My baby shower - SO excited for that one, and with everything I already have, I still have a mighty long registry list that includes such fun things as a Bjorn, jumperoo, bundle me, nb gowns, pack and play, breast pump, swaddle blankets, receiving blankets, and pacifiers. And yes, those are all hints. Gift cards will also be gladly excepted :). Then we have alumni weekend, which means nothing but a ride with Kyle to Fulton to then get picked up by my sister to spend the weekend with her and the babies! Yes! For Kyle it means golf and beer, but I've already given him the "you're gonna be a dad" speech, so I'm not too worried. After that are my maternity pictures! So excited to have our wedding photographer do them in PB! This also falls on Easter weekend, and my parents will be in New York, and we're not going to rush back to St. Charles so Kyle and I will have a quaint little Easter celebration in Poplar Bluff just the two of us... and Jesus. After that is a lingerie shower for that same very dear friend that is getting married. Then we are into May! And my mom is coming to town the very first weekend/mother's day! Yay! The following weekend is Kyle and I's anniversary, and anniversary trip! Cincinnati here we come! Why Cincinnati? Well that's because, 1)it's driving distance 2)the Cardinals are playing the Reds 3)we want to eventually go to every ball park, so this is stop one. Don't worry, I have picked out a maternity Cardinals shirt that says, "Little Cards fan on the way." So excited to wear it! After that folks, is our one day, all day, fast track, childbirth class. Nuff said. By then it's Memorial Day weekend/end of May/beginning of the month that our baby Leah bug could safely make her arrival! So June holds absolutely nothing for the Proebstings. And will remain that way. That starts the month of laundry, and pre-cooking meals, and pre-cleaning, and installing the car seat, and tying Kyle's phone to him, and banning him from beer. That month also comes with one very big test for Kyle, and the only day of the year Leah is not allowed to come... June 17th. 

So really, this next 17 weeks has no excuse not to FLY!  

Switching back to 23 weeks for a minute - here's what Leah is up to this week! Her "fat production" is in overdrive. And she will DOUBLE in size over the next four weeks. Which more than likely means I will too. She is over a pound now, and apparently is the size of a Harry Potter book. I don't do Harry Potter, but if you are a fan, go take a peak at a book, then imagine shoving it in your stomach. She can hear just about everything now, and is constantly sucking and swallowing amniotic fluid. Gross. She can touch and feel things all around her! Her kicks and flips get harder every day, and anything cold makes her move like crazy. She is getting more active at night, and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to her literally swimming across my belly. We see her a lot from the outside, and she pokes out of every direction. I'm hoping some night I can capture it on video! This past week I believe she went through a growth spurt, not the exhaustion kind, but the kind where she moved constantly for 2 days, I ate constantly, then she was virtually still for a whole day (which mama didn't like), and back to her normal self by Sunday. And I again, had a new belly. 

Speaking of bellies... I watch mine like a hawk for 4 things. 1) that dark line that runs down the middle of your belly. I really don't want to get it, but if I do it won't be the end of the world. So far so good though. 2) stretch marks... no one wants those. And also for those, so far so good. 3) my belly button popping out! It has definitely started to change and flatten out some which is freaking me out! 4) last but not least... remember that tattoo I have? On my ribs? Well I analyze it every day, and so far I don't think it's stretching, shew! But I am nervous because I know I have a lot more growing to do. Leah is only one pound, and should have a birth weight of 7+...............

I've realized over the last week how just absolutely content I am with things right now. I have rushed my entire life. When I was 5 I wanted to be 10. When I was in high school I wanted to be in college. When I was in college I wanted a job. When I got a job I wanted my own place. When I got engaged I wanted to be married. I've never just enjoyed my present. But now, although I want to see Leah more than anything in the world, I'm not necessarily rushing the process, and I'm definitely not looking to anything beyond her. The whole first half of this blog was about me hating time standing still, I know, but I am enjoying it, I promise. I know I whine a lot, but I am loving being pregnant. For the most part I feel great, and my old pants still fit (with the bellaband), so I can't complain. Even when I'm sick or tired, she kicks and I forget it all. I want to enjoy this time with her, because I know it's the only time I'll get with just me and her. We really bonded when I was face down over the toilet, and I love that that's an experience we get all to ourselves. Once she's born there are so many people to love her and hold her, and I know I'll have to share. But don't worry, I get dibs whenever I want. 

For the first time in my life, I'm not rushing to the next step. And it is incredibly refreshing. Perhaps she's why. Perhaps she is what I've been rushing to my whole life. And now I've got her. Sure, she's not in my arms, but doing flips in my belly as I type totally counts as having her. There are other things in my life I'm looking forward to, of course. I am excited to own a house, and get a puppy, and welcome baby number 2 and possibly 3 into our lives, but they all just seem like bonuses now. I do believe Leah was the last step of the ladder I've been racing up my whole life. I feel like I've got it all now. I made it to age 10, I clawed my way out of high school, I got the college degree, I got the job, I got the husband, and now I've got the baby. Now I'm at the top of my steps and the view from up here might as well be covered in gold. I think I'll stay here for a while and enjoy it. 

And before I get even more cliched - see you at 16 weeks! Get it? We're counting down now :)