She deserves better.

So upon reflection of my last blog, it wasn't good. There's not much I like about it. And that was supposed to be the blog. I was far too excited about the days events to be able to concentrate or put a complete thought together, and it just came out like a jumbled mess. Poor Leah. I spelled a million things wrong, my comma's were everywhere, and only about half of it made sense! I wanted so badly to get one out there that I didn't think about what I actually wanted to say, and just typed and typed and typed. I left so many important pieces out! There were so many things I wanted to say about our little girl! So here is take number two. Please forgive me for number one.

This little girl has already changed my life. Sure, she changed it the second the test said "pregnant," but yesterday she completely flipped it upside down. I always thought I would have a boy. Jack. We had had the name for literally years, and that was that. Kyle told me he only made boys, so of course that solidified it even more. The Proebsting's would have a boy. Then we got pregnant. And I just knew that it was a boy. He had a name and everything. But then the doctor said, "it's a girl." And life changed, again. It took me about 10 seconds to get used to her, and then I was in love. Our Leah. Of course, we had the name Jack for years. But do you want to know the funny thing about Leah? I did some backtracking and researching and sifting through old emails to find this out... but we were randomly thinking of names one night before we got pregnant, and Kyle mentioned Leah. And I loved it. It was simple like Jack, four letters, and it just made me smile. There's something just sweet about it, and it actually means delicate, so I was hooked. Leah it would be. So the next day I emailed my mom and sister to tell them just for fun that "Jack's sister" should we ever have a girl, would be named Leah. I thought of this email at the beginning of my pregnancy, and knew that we had chosen it right around the time we got pregnant. So I started digging. Was it a coincidence? Turns out, my mom had the email - and I sent it to her on September 22. Do you know what September 21st (the night we decided on the name) was? Well it was the first day of the "cycle," or month, that I would become pregnant with this little girl. Just in the nick of time, don't you think? Day one of my first forty weeks with this baby was the day we picked out her name. So, coincidence? I think not.

So do I miss Jack? Or the idea of him? Not one bit. I am consumed with Leah. Maybe someday we'll have our Jack, but for now I am beyond excited to meet the baby handmade by God and given to us. I stopped thinking boy the second she said girl, and can no longer wrap my head around the idea of even having a boy. My head is filled with ribbons and bows and pinks and purples. I no longer think of rough and tumble, but instead everything sweet and nice. Baby girls are precious, I know this because I have a niece. Toddler girls are hilarious, I know this because I've heard the things they've said. Tween girls are just figuring themselves out and a joy to watch grow, I know this because I've watched a few. Teenage girls are d r a m a, but at the same time vulnerable with big hearts, I know this because I was one. And grown up girls grow to love and admire their mothers like they never imagined they would, I know this because I am living it. And I cannot wait to watch Leah grow through all of these stages, especially the last one :).

Kyle says he doesn't know what to do with girls. But you know what, I don't either. I've never had a girl all of my own. And neither one of us have ever had a boy all to our own, so who are we to say we are better parents for a boy. He says he doesn't know what clothes to buy them. But he does, he picked her out an adorable outfit last night. He says she won't want to watch him play sports, but she will. She will admire and want to do everything just like him, and maybe more so than a boy. He says the boys better back off, and well... they better. Of that we agree. I debunked everyone of these myths he had created in his head yesterday. About the only thing I got right in yesterday's blog was the fact that he will be a fantastic dad to Leah... and that's not changing in this blog.

So here's what I know about our daughter so far:

• She is a morning person. She is always up kicking when I get up. I've heard that babies like to kick a lot when their mom's go to bed, but not this little girl. She knows who her mother is, and she knows what bedtime is. I love feeling her kick first thing in the morning, as if to say, "Good morning, mom, let's go eat!" Which is the second thing I've learned about her.
• She loves to eat. Anytime I eat anything she goes nuts. Kicks, and flips, and punches, and stretches. The girl loves food. But not just any food...
• She loves breakfast the most. We have oatmeal every morning, and she is particularly fond of it. She gets really excited with anything sweet and cold... ice cream might be her favorite. And banana milkshakes, she gets that from grandma.
• One thing I learned yesterday... and that worried me some... she is also a big fan of chicken strips. I got a chicken strip sandwich before the doctors appointment, and she kicked harder and faster than I think she ever has! I was literally laughing at her. And all I could think was, oh boy, here we go again. 
• The ultra sound tech thought very highly of her feet yesterday. She continually mentioned how cute they were. So, we know she has great feet.
• The tech also said that she had the smallest head she had seen all week. YES. Mama was very happy to hear that, after making sure it was normal of course. So, we know that she has a small head.
• I know that she has a perfect heart, and that seeing it beating on the screen yesterday made me melt. 
• I know that she hates Subway, but I think she is willing to give peanut butter another try.
• I know that she has two arms, and two legs, and a perfect spine. 

And I know for certain that she has two parents who are incredibly anxious to hold her.

Now that I know that she is a she, I am so excited to get crafty in her room! We have all of her bedding picked out, and I am in the middle of organizing my thoughts on decorations. I plan on spending a lot of time in hobby lobby from here on out, and making everything perfect (to my taste) in her room. I plan to make most of the decorations myself, and have quite a bit of confidence in my abilities. I plan on making her curtains so that they match perfectly. I want her to know that her room is special for her, and designed especially with her in mind. I thought a boys room would be fun to decorate, but as it turns out, I am super excited to get my hands on pastels, and ribbons, and fabrics!

Ok, Leah. Here you go. I hope this is more fitting, and I hope you know how much we love you.