Yeh, 21... got moved back down again... confusing! But nevertheless...
I have learned very quickly that my favorite place to be pregnant is in church. I didn't ever think or know that I would have a "favorite place," but this one has developed over time. This is not to be confused with my "favorite room" of which I blogged about earlier. Instead, church has become quite the outing for Leah and I.
There was that dreadful time when I puked all day and night, and thus we didn't go to church. We were bad, I know, but I think God understood. There was just no way I could make it through a service without puking, or get myself to look presentable enough to walk through the doors. So there were about 13 weeks where we went once, maybe twice. BUT, that is in the past. And we are back to going regularly, thank goodness.
So I noticed pretty quickly after we had gone a couple of times that my mind always wanders to her while we're singing or at some point during the sermon, and I tear up. The first time it happened we were signing and I was just thinking about her (which at the time I thought was a him) and I had no idea what was going on, or why I was getting emotional. I mean I think about her almost all day long every day and don't tear up. However, I've learned that in church it's different. It's like I'm closer to her there than anywhere else. I couldn't figure out why though. So after several weeks of it happening I began to form a guess. Since I'm closer to God at church than anywhere else, perhaps He uses that time to remind me just how much of a blessing and a gift she is. And since He knows I'm listening to Him without distraction in church, maybe He also uses that time to remind me that she is His, and He chose us to bring her into this world. So when I think about it that way, who wouldn't tear up? That's a pretty special thing.
However, since Leah has been growing and getting stronger, I've learned my mind doesn't have to wander for me to remember she's in there. She has her strong kicks to distract me. And my absolute favorite thing about church now is the fact that when the music starts, Leah starts. The girl goes nuts. She kicks and squirms and dances throughout worship. It's the greatest thing ever. I just imagine her little body going crazy for the music, and can't help but think that in someway she knows what's going on, and she is dancing and singing for her Jesus.
I can't wait to take her to church when she is out of my belly. Besides getting to dress her cute, I can't wait to see if she enjoys the singing when she's big as much as she does now. I sure hope she does. My prayer every morning for Leah is that she will know her God, and know just how He loves her. I hope that she will always know that, and cling to that when nothing else is going her way.
Little Leah has been around for 22 weeks now! Holy Cow! So at 22 weeks, she is getting a grip... literally. Apparently she is practicing clenching her fists, and since there isn't much to grasp onto, she is tugging on her umbilical cord. Ha. She also has white hair! Apparently she has hair now, except it doesn't have any pigment. No matter what color it will be when she's born, for right now it is bright white. She is also officially not measured in ounces, but pounds! And she is one pound. I guess that explains my weight gain, which is very hard to watch go up and up and up. She is also no longer measured from "crown to rump," but "head to heel" which makes me a little sad. We loved talking about her rump.
At the doctor tonight, Leah and I did very good with our weight gain! 9lbs total to date, I can live with that. So, we got our shamrock shake and we will have our cheesecake later! :). The doctor said Leah looked perfect in the ultrasound, which we were expecting to hear. Thank you Jesus. She gave us a scare tonight though.... usually we hear her heartbeat the second the doppler hits my belly, tonight, no such luck. The nurse had to look, and look, and look. Meanwhile, my heart was pounding and every bad thought imaginable was going through my head. I glanced at Kyle whose face was fixated on my belly. Things were not okay in that room. But after some time (way too much time) there she was! Thank.God. The nurse told us she knew it was there because she heard it in the beginning (we must not have), but that she kept flipping and moving away from her, so she was chasing her with the doppler... yep, that sounds like Leah. It was as good and as strong as ever though, 158. Busy little girl!!
Leah and I have a big week this week. Her cousin Ali will be born in just two days!! We have waited for Ali since July, and cannot wait to see what she looks like! If she looks anything like her sister, we are in serious trouble. When I was driving to work this morning it was pouring down rain, and it immediately reminded me of driving in the pouring down rain to meet Zoey for the first time...
I remember the day like it was yesterday. Ha, that just seems like something I have to say. I went to work like any other day, phone by my side, ready to be called at any moment. After all, Zoey was a day late. At some point in the morning I realized I had missed a call from my sister. I wasn't sure how, but I did notice she didn't leave a voicemail... obviously I didn't think it was the call, or surely she would have had the decency to leave a message. I casually called back, just in case, and Lauren ever so casually tells me they are at the hospital! Excuse me, what?! That didn't warrant a voicemail!? So after yelling at her, I hung up, called my boss and arranged for my backup to come STAT. Luckily, I was a nanny at the time, and she was very understanding. So at about 10:30 I was on my way. I had John Mayer in the CD player, and it was pouring down rain... although I remember not being affected by it in the slightest. I had a niece to meet! The hour and a half there I thought about Zoey. I wondered what she would look like, how big she would be, if she would have hair, if she would be cute, if she would be tiny, and the list went on. But finally, I made it at about noon. I made my way around the hospital, and pretty sure I parked illegally. Didn't care. I had a niece to meet! I found the labor and delivery wing, made my way past the nurses giving me dirty looks, but I decided if I looked like I knew what I was doing they wouldn't stop me. And they didn't. Good thing, or they would have had a fight on their hands. I had a niece to meet! Finally, I made it to her room. I walked in right in the middle of an un-epiduraled contraction... and wanted to walk right back out! Scariest thing ever! I decided right then and there I would have an epidural the second I became pregnant. But she came out of it, what seemed like an eternity later... and I finally got to say hi. I'm pretty sure I was shaking with fear at this point. I did NOT like what I was seeing. But I stayed. I had a niece to meet! I called my mom and dad to let them know I was there, as they were still en route. Praise Jesus after I had been there a little while she decided to get the epidural. She made it something ridiculous like 13 hours without one, and I for one know I was relieved when she got it. But then a scary thing happened. Just like in the movies a million nurses rushed in. And made me go out! Um, excuse me. I have a niece to meet! Of course, they don't tell you anything, but I heard enough to freak.me.out. Something about Zoey's heart rate dropping, and call the doctor, and c-section. That was it, Aunt Mimi was done. I went to a bathroom to cry, say a prayer, and text Kyle. I pulled myself together enough to go to the waiting room, because, I had a niece to meet! From there, time flew. And in no time, in walks the proud dad. Everyone was fine. Zoey was blue, but healthy and breathing. They would bring her out in a while. Then I got REAL anxious. I'm finally going to see what she looks like! And I did. And she was perfect. And tiny. And had SO much hair, and SUCH little feet. She was the greatest thing I had ever seen.
The rest of the day consisted of holding her for the first time, which was absolute magic, watching my big sister with her baby, which was surreal, and taking a million pictures. I will never, ever, forget any of those memories.
So in two days I will relive all of that again. Of course, it's a scheduled c-section, so I won't be nearly as freaked out this time. And there is sun in the forecast, so driving should be easier. But the rest will be the same - I will be nervous, and anxious, and I will walk past the nurses like I know what I'm doing. I will dream of what she looks like the whole time I'm waiting. And I will be thinking of her mom, and praying for her safety. The hour and a half drive will take an eternity, and I will probably pop in John to mellow me out. I will text Kyle, and take a million pictures. After all, in two days, I have a niece to meet!
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