My Favorite Room

It's hard to wait a whole week in between blogs. I figured it would be easier on myself to just blog every new pregnancy week, that way I would have an easy way to keep track of things. Lately though, I've had things come up that I really want to write about. I write mainly so I can remember special things and times in our (mine and Kyle's) lives, and then secondly to share with whomever chooses to read. Now that we're expecting, this blog has taken a completely different turn... focusing only on the baby. I want him to be able to read what I've written about him (or her, in which case she'll hate me forever for calling her a him for so long), and to know just how in love with him I already am. However, I've had some other thoughts in between the Monday's when I document my week, and I definitely don't want to forget those moments or emotions I feel. Most of them still revolve around the baby, but not all. And although they've shifted significantly, Kyle and I do have other things going on in our lives right now. So with that, here come some ramblings about my favorite room in our house.

I've never really been attached to a room. Any room, anywhere. They're just walls, right? I mean, you've got your walls, your windows, closets, furniture of some type, curtains if you choose, and maybe some other decorations. That's about it. It's a room... a thing... a space... that's it.

If you would have told me 6 months ago that in a few months I would begin to get emotional over a room, I would have given you a "you're an idiot" look and disregarded it completely. I might have thought I would fall in love with the kitchen, because I like to cook, but that would be the extent of it. That's because 6 months ago I didn't get emotional. Really about anything. Sure I got the standard emotions like happy, sad, mad, giddy (ok, not so much giddy)... but that was it. Nothing really to bring me to tears. However, things change. Maybe it's hormones, I don't know. But certain things really seem to matter these days, and are requiring amounts of emotion I didn't know I had. More specifically, I have fallen in love with everything about a specific room in our house.

You guessed it... the little one's room. Before it was an office. Boring. Just a room, four walls, closet, desk, computer... your standard office. Then we got the news that changed our lives. And would ultimately change a standard office into a baby's, our baby's nursery. Only recently have I gotten attached to it though. For most of this pregnancy I just thought, sure... this is the office, then it will be the baby's room. Nothing much to it. We've had a pile of stuff in there for a while, and it's definitely growing the more we buy, and the most gifts we receive. That was always fun for me to look at, a little reminder of what't to come... but still, nothing to get too emotional over. Lately though, lately has been a different story. I'm not sure what has changed if it's getting closer, and thus more real, if it's that I can feel him kick now, if it's that the pile of stuff is getting huge, or if it's just my hormones wreaking havoc... but something is different about that room.

I can't really even describe it, but I just light up inside every time I walk in there. I am simply delighted by all that room will grow to be. That room means that we will be a family. That there will be three of us Proebsting's in the world soon. That room signifies all of the wonderful changes that are headed our way. It means that soon there will be a helpless little life in there depending on us to keep him warm, and fed, and dry. It means nights filled with story books, and me attempting to sing. It means that it will soon smell like a baby, filled with lotion and baby powder. It means millions of bedtime prayers are in our future. It means blankets, and toys, and stuffed animals. I can imagine myself stumbling in there at 4 in the morning, hoping to satisfy whatever need our little one has. I can imagine listening to Kyle talk to him through the walls. I can imagine going in there every morning and finding a baby in the crib, a constant reminder of our blessing. I've already planned out where everything will go. I have the wall for the crib, the changing table, the dresser, and the perfect spot for the rocking chair. I know where, and above what I will hang the decorations for the walls. I can picture the J A C K or the L E A H that will hang above their crib. I can see the closet filled with either pink or blue. I have the places and corners picked out for his play mat, and baskets for toys and books. These four walls have definitely taken on an identity.

So I guess a room is not just a room. It's not just a thing or a space to be filled with furniture. At least not this room. This room is already filled to the brim with joy, and happiness, and warmth, and everything that is good. It's already filled with more emotion than I even knew I was capable of experiencing. And do you know the funny thing? The funny thing is there isn't even a baby in there yet.

Perhaps I'm starting to get it now. Perhaps there is something to a phrase of which I've never put any stock. Perhaps after all, having a baby does change everything.