Poor Kyle

Do you ever have one of those days that you just know isn't going to end well? Today was that day. I don't know what it was; if it was something in the water, if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, if I ate something funny. Who knows. All I know is that today started out okay, grew into something terrible, and has thankfully settled back down into okay.

This morning was fine. Kyle went out golfing, so I had the house to myself which I was pretty excited about. I got to clean, which I was also excited about. I did six loads of laundry, which I wasn't excited about doing... but I am definitely excited for clean clothes and towels. Our bathroom was embarrassing, so I can rest easy knowing we have no risk of catching hepatitis from it anymore. So really, the way the day started, you would think I would be off to a good start. Then out of nowhere... bam. Hello bad mood. Unfortunately for Kyle, it was all around the time he got home. And he was in such a good mood, too. It could have been a wonderful day, but nope, I couldn't pull it together.

I sat in silence through most of the Cardinals game, and they were even winning! Again, should've been a good day. Then when that was over it seemed like everything quickly spiraled downhill. I wanted to be in a good mood, I really, really tried. The most I could muster up was a smile, and even that was pathetic. Kyle was trying to hard to make me happy, but I wasn't having any of it. The more he tried, the more mad I got. Just shut up already, let me sulk! (Is what I wanted to say, but didn't...).

These moods don't happen very often with me. I'm usually pretty even keel, can go with the flow, pretty happy most of the time. So when they do happen, I have no idea what to do. I should really go to anger management to get some coping skills. I do have a hot temper, I admit that. I guess it's the Italian in me. I can yell and fight with the best of 'em. When I lived alone and was in a bad mood, I would just sit on my couch and be mad until I wasn't anymore. Because usually, there is no rhyme or reason to my madness... it just comes. But now, now I've got this other person to deal with. Who is trying so hard to make me better, but really I know that there is no solution. So he continues to be sweet, continues to ask what he can do, continues to tell me to smile, and I continue to fume. And fume. And fume.

We decided to get out of the house for a second. Took a trip on foot across the street to Schnucks to drop off our RedBox. I complained the whole time. I do have shin splints (which is why I shouldn't exercise, but that is a different blog entirely), but the shin splints were only half the problem. The other half was my bad mood. I just wanted to get home. Should have been a nice little walk on a nice little day... it was not.

So we get home and the fun really starts. By this time I am all over the place. I completely know that there is no reason I am in this bad of a mood, but trying my hardest to blame it all on Kyle. He shouldn't have played golf. (I really could have cared less). He should have helped me clean. (I hate when he helps me clean). Help me fold the laundry, I ask in a snotty voice. (I'm cringing watching him fold the laundry, because he's not doing it right!). Another stupid fantasy football draft. (Again, I actually could care less). Poor guy, he just sits and takes it.

Finally. It's time to cook dinner. Now, I love cooking dinner and figured if anything can change my mood... it's cooking. And we were having spaghetti after all, double good mood! Things were actually looking up for me (and Kyle)! He was upstairs putting away clothes (probably out of fear), and I was in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Meatballs, check. Sauce, check. Noodles, check. Everything looking presentable, check. One last thing... the garlic bread. Cooking nicely in the oven, all I had to do was bring the sauce to the table and I could go get the bread out of the oven and it would all be over... bad mood, peace out! However, my sauce spoon was too big for my sauce bowl. And on the trip from the kitchen to the dining room it toppled out of the bowl and onto the beige carpet, hitting just hard enough to also splatter all over the tan furniture. NOOOO! 

Rage. Absolute rage was going through my head. My bad mood was on the verge of extinction, but it all came rushing back 100 times over in a matter of two seconds. So as I'm furiously scrubbing the carpet and couch, I remember the bread. On broil in the oven. Ask Kyle to take it out. He does. The smoke detector is now going off. As quiet as a mouse, he says, "It's burnt." Excuse me, what?! Things are about to get fun. So I leave my orange tinted carpet to check on the bread. I'm fuming. It's not just a little burnt. It is black. Might as well have been coal, you couldn't tell the difference. I am about to go through the roof. I know that it's always a fun story, and always cute when the new wife burns dinner. But I in no way think that's cute. I am a good cook. I rarely burn anything, and haven't burnt anything since we've been married. I HATE messing up food. Cooking has always been fun for me, and I've always been good at it.

After throwing my carpet cleaning sponge on the floor in a fit of rage, I decided to join a fearful Kyle at the table. I sobbed the entire meal. Didn't say a word. Wait, yes I did. I yelled at Kyle for eating the burnt bread. Why was he eating it?! It was disgusting. If you don't believe me, take a look at the picture... that's the other half of what he ate. I really have no idea why he ate it... he could not have been that hungry. After I finished yelling at him for eating it, I went back to being silent. And sobbing. Not because I was sad. Because I was so. freaking. mad. An awful day topped off by a miserable dinner and stained carpet. I gobbled up as much as I could, swallowing half my tears in the process. Got up from the table and began scrubbing the carpet again. I think I got it all out. But that didn't make me happy, nothing could at this point. I had to get out of the house. I decided to go for a drive. I go to get my keys and ring which are both hanging on a hook. The ring falls in the coffee pot below. Are you kidding me? I throw the coffee pot upside down to get the ring out, and I'm out the door.

I didn't know if I wanted to drive, or sit. So I decided to compromise and drive through downtown St. Charles. The speed limit is like 10, and there are shops and cars and people everywhere... so I could drive, but not fast. Within like 10 minutes of this trip I was calm. I just needed a change of scenery. I was no longer irritated with Kyle. And could finally think strait. Ahhh, my bad mood was gone! I hit rock bottom at the house, and could finally start clawing my way back up. I made the loop downtown, and started driving by the river. The river where we got engaged. I saw the park bench and smiled. There was a family on our park bench. Two boys, and two dogs. I hope that's us someday.

My poor Kyle. Most of the time I'm nice to him I promise. But there are those moments and those days when nothing he does will be right And sadly, on those days, it has nothing to do with him. He is sweet, and kind, and good, and eats my burnt bread (ughhhh), and when I said yes on the park bench I knew I was going to be a lucky girl. Unfortunately for him, I don't think he knew the extent of my temper or he might not have asked!  He learned tonight. Poor guy. 

When I got home from my drive, I walked inside. It was completely dark. No tv, no computer, no Kyle. Now when I left the tv was on, the lights were on, and he was sitting at the computer working on his draft. I thought I was done. I thought he saw my temper and was outta here! I actually stepped back outside to see if his car was in the parking lot. It was. Ok, he has to be somewhere. He was upstairs. On the other computer doing his draft. Shew. He's stickin' it out.

Praise Jesus this day is almost over. The hard part is at least. My terrible mood is gone, dinner is over, I am calm, and I think if I'm nice enough he will let me sit with him on the couch. I'm going to go try. Wish me luck!