So I thought I was tired in the beginning. I really had no energy, and no desire to do anything. I didn't cook, I didn't clean, I just laid around and went to bed at 7:30. But that was the extent of it, I was just tired. Nothing too out of the ordinary. The only thing different than being tired and not pregnant was that this tiredness lasted several weeks. It was nothing I couldn't handle, I just needed a lot more rest than normal. This past week, however, I was introduced to something I've never felt before. Pure exhaustion. I don't even know how to describe it. I don't know what to relate to it. I don't have the words for it. It was something I've never experienced in my life, and had no idea what was going on. But it happened, Wednesday night I was introduced to my first taste of exhaustion.
It started when I got home from my whirlwind day Wednesday. When I got back I was just so tired. I chalked it up to my busy, busy day of hanging out at the hospital. But when I went to bed, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. Usually, this is no problem at all. I was just uncomfortable all over. So I laid in bed for a while, and when I finally did fall asleep it didn't last. I was up every hour. By morning, I was in an awful mood, and starting to feel something way more than tired. My day at work was awful. I was in a horrible funk, everything was going wrong, I stared at my computer for most of the day, I couldn't focus, I couldn't remember, I couldn't put a thought together, and to top it off... I broke down in tears. Over nothing. Sitting at my desk, tears streaming down my face. That's when I knew something was up. I remember Leah was kicking like crazy, but it not making me smile like normal. Which in turn made me more sad. Nothing in the world could make me happy. I headed out a little early, for my own benefit.
When I got home, I collapsed on the couch. Literally. I got home at 4:30, and did not take my coat off until 7:30. My body would.not.move. I managed to stumble to the kitchen in a complete fog, and ate everything I saw. Coat still on. By dinner time though, I knew I wasn't going to be the one to cook. Or eat. By that time I was absolutely done, and also full. Kyle was on his own. Thank God for Pb&J. I went to bed at 8. But the same thing happened as the night before - I couldn't sleep! Ok, what is going on?! This was the second night in a row I was beyond tired, and could not fall asleep. That's just not normal. But this night, however, instead of laying there quietly... I lied there and sobbed. For.Ev.Er. I guess at some point I stopped, because I do know I got some sleep. After all, I woke up the next morning. I woke up, but not refreshed. I woke up exhausted. I was sick to my stomach, I had a headache like I've never had before, and I couldn't open my eyes. I made my way downstairs though, because the little girl in my belly doesn't go a meal without eating no matter what my state of mind is. So I got down there, ate breakfast.... and sobbed. Out of nowhere, and again for no reason at all. S.O.B.B.E.D. If you think I'm exaggerating, ask Kyle. He was there, and watching from a distance. There was nothing he could say or do. So, I called in to work. It just wasn't going to happen today.
I declared the day a mom and Leah day, and decided I would do whatever necessary to get us back on track. By this point, I had decided in my head I was dealing with some kind of serious exhaustion. So first things first, back to bed. And we slept! Until 10:00! It was amazing. And for the first time I felt a little refreshed. Still not at all "normal," but better. My house was disgusting, but I forced myself not to clean it. Today would be a day to sit on the couch. I could have slept til 1, I'm sure of it. However, Leah needed her second breakfast. So waffles it was. And back to the couch. I developed a plan for us. After breakfast, we would continue to lay on the couch, but at some point we would get up and go for a walk and do a work out. I decided that as important as rest was, endorphins were equally important. So that's what we did after lunch. And it felt great. Then I went back and rested some more, then decided to grocery shop. Something I actually enjoy. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty good, not great or back to normal, but miles ahead of where I was at the beginning of the day. I had one more relapse later that night, but I got a great night of sleep. Saturday morning things were looking up, I got some retail therapy, ice cream, and church... which together made the perfect combination. And by Sunday, praise Jesus... I felt back to normal... except.................................
I had a new belly on me! I woke up heavy, looked in the mirror, looked down, couldn't find my feet, turned sideways... my jaw dropped. Leah grew! Finally! A solution to the madness of the last 3 days! She was out of control growing, and there was nothing I could do about it. Emotions, sleep, eating... all as out of control as her little body was inside of me. So with my new belly, and my new, bigger baby... I enter 22 weeks.
One of the biggest things I've noticed about 22 weeks, besides my belly, is the fact that my shoes are all getting tighter. I had always heard about feet growing, but never really believed anyone that it was true. Low and behold, the same shoes I've worn for a year are now giving me blisters. Uh, what? It's so bizarre. Also, things already seem to be slowing down. I am so incredibly eager to meet her, I find myself staring at calendars counting down the days. I need to find something to do to distract myself... so mainly I play in her bedroom. Perhaps I'm "nesting" but I can't keep myself out of there. I love cleaning it, and organizing, and adding clothes and diapers. Things are really coming together in there!
Leah also has a couple of nicknames thanks to her daddy. I'm no good at nicknames, but his are great. The first is "LeahLi" (lee-uh-lie). He tells me it's a mixture of Leah and Caroline. And it fits, and slips out of my mouth more and more. The second is Leah Bug, like lady bug. This one just makes me smile. I can't wait to use both of them to her face.
Leah also survived her first tornado last night. She's surviving one natural disaster after another. First the blizzard, and now only weeks later, tornadoes. The three of us spent a good hour in the bathroom. And the whole time she just wanted to eat. We had the TV turned up loud enough to hear it in there, and thankfully when we heard it had passed for the most part we crawled out. First things first, midnight or not, give Leah food. She demands it. So we ate a breakfast, and headed back to bed. She kicked the rest of the night. She must love storms like her Mama. Although, if they don't come that close again we'll both be happy.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Rainbows for Ali
I woke up yesterday knowing exactly was happening. Today was the day Ali will be born. No guessing, no wondering, no thinking about timing... it was just a fact. Wake up at 5am, shower, get on the road, get to the hospital, meet Ali. Done and done. Nothing to it. However, the weather had different plans...
Kyle wakes up at 5am to run, so we woke up together, he left, and I got in the shower. At about 6, when I was ready to leave he came home and told me to "be careful" because it was really slick outside. Uhhh... no, the weather said 55 and sunday today, I checked. So I turned out the news. Sure enough, top story, freezing rain overnight leads to an icy St. Louis. Almost every major highway had some portion of it shut down due to some massive wreck. 270N, 170, 255, 70E, 64, 41... it was just nuts. Meanwhile, I'm staring at the tv thinking, what in the world is going on?! But no amount of ice was going to stop me.
At 6:15 I was on the road. Fists clenched, knuckles white from gripping the wheel. Normally, I do not drive in any amount of ice. At least this year. This year I have a Leah in my belly, and I don't take chances with weather. But today was the day. Leah wanted to meet Ali as much as I did, I just knew it. So I would go, and take it slow. If I got there at noon, so be it, at least I would be there. As I kept driving though, it didn't seem too bad. People were going close to normal speeds, and they had salted the roads by this point so I felt like I had a good amount of traction. We might make it before noon, and even better, by the time she was born!
I pretty much drove out of anything I thought might be threatening by the time we got to Warrenton, and was going 70, hallelujah. Leah was kicking like crazy, probably because she was mad she didn't get her second breakfast. But I just couldn't stop today. I had to get to the hospital!
Soon enough, it was pouring rain... hmm, this seemed all too familiar. I'm pretty sure I even laughed to myself... figures. And then, I missed a call from my sister! A serious case of deja vu came over me. This had all happened before. I called her back, and she told me they were taking her down at 730. I glanced at my clock, it was 6:45... I might just make it on time! Hold on, Leah, we're powering through!
The rain picked up. Ugh. What is going on?! Where is the 55 and sunny?? Today was supposed to be easy! So as I was driving, only thinking about Ali, I started to wonder what the significance of the rain was. I'm not usually a deep thinker, I was just bored. Why does God always make it rain on Eisleben baby birthday's? Is it to slow me down? Is He crying happy tears? Just when I was carried away with these ridiculous thoughts... I glanced out my window, and bam... the most colorful, bright, rainbow I had seen in a long time. And there was my answer. He makes it rain, so that He can paint a beautiful rainbow in the sky just for their birthday's. And even though I don't remember seeing one on Zoey's birthday, I know there was one around somewhere. After all, rain = rainbows. So then I was happy, and from then on it was smooth sailing. There was a rainbow in the sky just for Ali, all would be well. Now I just have to get there!
And I did. At 7:45. Luckily, Boone hospital has the most ridiculous set up I have ever seen. Minus the construction, the hospital is one big maze. So I drove past the same construction worker three times, and smiled at him every time. I drove around the parking lot twice, and smiled at the people standing at the front door each time. I got on the wrong elevator, and ended up on the wrong floor. I came back down, tried again, asked directions, followed the arrows, and met Joel and Ali in the hallway as they were bringing her to the nursery! Sooo, had I not got lost a minimum of 12 times, I would have missed out on that "scene from a movie moment."
She.Was.Here. And perfect. I stared through the window at her for literally an hour, all by myself. Leah was completely impatient. She was not happy about missing her second breakfast, and now one of her normal snack times. But I tried my hardest to ignore the hunger. I kept telling her I would feed her in a minute. I watched her doctor check her out and give her the thumbs up, I watched the nurse poke and prod her and then wrap her in a blanket, I watched Joel stare at her the entire time and pat her when she cried. I sat there and thought about how completely bizarre it was that she was here...all of a sudden, and just like that. The day before my sister was pregnant, and now there's a new person in the world. Fully formed and developed and with all working parts. It's all just so insane.
But alas, Leah got the best of me. I started to feel very faint. Okay, okay, we will get you some food. I would have gone to the cafeteria, but the vending machine was closer and I honestly didn't think I could make it another minute without food... so animal crackers it was. I shoved half the bag in my mouth, and half back in my purse. I wasn't sure on the rules of eating in the hallway, and I didn't want to get yelled at, but I didn't want them to make me go to a waiting room either. So I chewed, silently, as I returned to the nursery window to watch over sweet Ali Jane. The nurse pointed for me to go up, meaning they were headed up... yay! I finally get to see the other most important part of the day... my sister.
She was in her room. And looked great! And now was the mother of two. So.Weird. A few minutes later I got to hold Ali for the first time. Sooooo tiny, and fragile, and calm, and perfect! I knew I wouldn't get to be the only one there for long, so I tried my hardest to soak it all in before I had to share.
The rest of the day was packed full. Between grandparents and friends, Ali was not put down all day. She is a lucky little girl to have so many people to love her. You would have thought she was a first born!
I decided to wait out the whole day, in order to see the big event! When Zoey meets Ali! And it lived up to all the hype. Zoey was completely sweet, and immediately pointed to her sister and said, baby. She didn't stay interested for long, but hey, she's 19 months... give her a break. She has her whole life to get interested in her sister. I'm excited for the two of them though, I know how much fun it is to have a sister. Maybe if they're really, really lucky, they'll get to share having babies together!
So if there was one negative thing about yesterday it is the fact that now I cannot WAIT for mine to come. I can't wait to see her and hold her for the first time. And watch Kyle with her. This next 18 weeks had better fly!!!
And one last thing, did you know I named Ali Jane? Ok, not the Alice... but I definitely suggested the Jane. It was a complete accident though. On Monday of this week, I decided enough was enough and this poor baby needed a complete name. I enlisted the help of my friend Elizabeth and she started spouting off suggestions, one of which was Lane. I liked Lane well enough to send on to Lauren, and Lauren asked me to give her famous "Lane's" as they wanted someone famous. So, being dyslexic, I immediately suggested Jane Eyre. Somehow my brain switched from Lane to Jane, and from there I started giving Lauren all kinds of famous Janes. Jane Austen. The list continued. She told me she liked it and would suggest it to Joel. I got the call later that night that I won!
So, you're welcome Ali Jane, without me you wouldn't have a middle name. I love you, sweetheart.
Kyle wakes up at 5am to run, so we woke up together, he left, and I got in the shower. At about 6, when I was ready to leave he came home and told me to "be careful" because it was really slick outside. Uhhh... no, the weather said 55 and sunday today, I checked. So I turned out the news. Sure enough, top story, freezing rain overnight leads to an icy St. Louis. Almost every major highway had some portion of it shut down due to some massive wreck. 270N, 170, 255, 70E, 64, 41... it was just nuts. Meanwhile, I'm staring at the tv thinking, what in the world is going on?! But no amount of ice was going to stop me.
At 6:15 I was on the road. Fists clenched, knuckles white from gripping the wheel. Normally, I do not drive in any amount of ice. At least this year. This year I have a Leah in my belly, and I don't take chances with weather. But today was the day. Leah wanted to meet Ali as much as I did, I just knew it. So I would go, and take it slow. If I got there at noon, so be it, at least I would be there. As I kept driving though, it didn't seem too bad. People were going close to normal speeds, and they had salted the roads by this point so I felt like I had a good amount of traction. We might make it before noon, and even better, by the time she was born!
I pretty much drove out of anything I thought might be threatening by the time we got to Warrenton, and was going 70, hallelujah. Leah was kicking like crazy, probably because she was mad she didn't get her second breakfast. But I just couldn't stop today. I had to get to the hospital!
Soon enough, it was pouring rain... hmm, this seemed all too familiar. I'm pretty sure I even laughed to myself... figures. And then, I missed a call from my sister! A serious case of deja vu came over me. This had all happened before. I called her back, and she told me they were taking her down at 730. I glanced at my clock, it was 6:45... I might just make it on time! Hold on, Leah, we're powering through!
The rain picked up. Ugh. What is going on?! Where is the 55 and sunny?? Today was supposed to be easy! So as I was driving, only thinking about Ali, I started to wonder what the significance of the rain was. I'm not usually a deep thinker, I was just bored. Why does God always make it rain on Eisleben baby birthday's? Is it to slow me down? Is He crying happy tears? Just when I was carried away with these ridiculous thoughts... I glanced out my window, and bam... the most colorful, bright, rainbow I had seen in a long time. And there was my answer. He makes it rain, so that He can paint a beautiful rainbow in the sky just for their birthday's. And even though I don't remember seeing one on Zoey's birthday, I know there was one around somewhere. After all, rain = rainbows. So then I was happy, and from then on it was smooth sailing. There was a rainbow in the sky just for Ali, all would be well. Now I just have to get there!
And I did. At 7:45. Luckily, Boone hospital has the most ridiculous set up I have ever seen. Minus the construction, the hospital is one big maze. So I drove past the same construction worker three times, and smiled at him every time. I drove around the parking lot twice, and smiled at the people standing at the front door each time. I got on the wrong elevator, and ended up on the wrong floor. I came back down, tried again, asked directions, followed the arrows, and met Joel and Ali in the hallway as they were bringing her to the nursery! Sooo, had I not got lost a minimum of 12 times, I would have missed out on that "scene from a movie moment."
She.Was.Here. And perfect. I stared through the window at her for literally an hour, all by myself. Leah was completely impatient. She was not happy about missing her second breakfast, and now one of her normal snack times. But I tried my hardest to ignore the hunger. I kept telling her I would feed her in a minute. I watched her doctor check her out and give her the thumbs up, I watched the nurse poke and prod her and then wrap her in a blanket, I watched Joel stare at her the entire time and pat her when she cried. I sat there and thought about how completely bizarre it was that she was here...all of a sudden, and just like that. The day before my sister was pregnant, and now there's a new person in the world. Fully formed and developed and with all working parts. It's all just so insane.
But alas, Leah got the best of me. I started to feel very faint. Okay, okay, we will get you some food. I would have gone to the cafeteria, but the vending machine was closer and I honestly didn't think I could make it another minute without food... so animal crackers it was. I shoved half the bag in my mouth, and half back in my purse. I wasn't sure on the rules of eating in the hallway, and I didn't want to get yelled at, but I didn't want them to make me go to a waiting room either. So I chewed, silently, as I returned to the nursery window to watch over sweet Ali Jane. The nurse pointed for me to go up, meaning they were headed up... yay! I finally get to see the other most important part of the day... my sister.
She was in her room. And looked great! And now was the mother of two. So.Weird. A few minutes later I got to hold Ali for the first time. Sooooo tiny, and fragile, and calm, and perfect! I knew I wouldn't get to be the only one there for long, so I tried my hardest to soak it all in before I had to share.
The rest of the day was packed full. Between grandparents and friends, Ali was not put down all day. She is a lucky little girl to have so many people to love her. You would have thought she was a first born!
I decided to wait out the whole day, in order to see the big event! When Zoey meets Ali! And it lived up to all the hype. Zoey was completely sweet, and immediately pointed to her sister and said, baby. She didn't stay interested for long, but hey, she's 19 months... give her a break. She has her whole life to get interested in her sister. I'm excited for the two of them though, I know how much fun it is to have a sister. Maybe if they're really, really lucky, they'll get to share having babies together!
So if there was one negative thing about yesterday it is the fact that now I cannot WAIT for mine to come. I can't wait to see her and hold her for the first time. And watch Kyle with her. This next 18 weeks had better fly!!!
And one last thing, did you know I named Ali Jane? Ok, not the Alice... but I definitely suggested the Jane. It was a complete accident though. On Monday of this week, I decided enough was enough and this poor baby needed a complete name. I enlisted the help of my friend Elizabeth and she started spouting off suggestions, one of which was Lane. I liked Lane well enough to send on to Lauren, and Lauren asked me to give her famous "Lane's" as they wanted someone famous. So, being dyslexic, I immediately suggested Jane Eyre. Somehow my brain switched from Lane to Jane, and from there I started giving Lauren all kinds of famous Janes. Jane Austen. The list continued. She told me she liked it and would suggest it to Joel. I got the call later that night that I won!
So, you're welcome Ali Jane, without me you wouldn't have a middle name. I love you, sweetheart.
Monday, February 21, 2011
21 Weeks! Singing to Jesus.
Yeh, 21... got moved back down again... confusing! But nevertheless...
I have learned very quickly that my favorite place to be pregnant is in church. I didn't ever think or know that I would have a "favorite place," but this one has developed over time. This is not to be confused with my "favorite room" of which I blogged about earlier. Instead, church has become quite the outing for Leah and I.
There was that dreadful time when I puked all day and night, and thus we didn't go to church. We were bad, I know, but I think God understood. There was just no way I could make it through a service without puking, or get myself to look presentable enough to walk through the doors. So there were about 13 weeks where we went once, maybe twice. BUT, that is in the past. And we are back to going regularly, thank goodness.
So I noticed pretty quickly after we had gone a couple of times that my mind always wanders to her while we're singing or at some point during the sermon, and I tear up. The first time it happened we were signing and I was just thinking about her (which at the time I thought was a him) and I had no idea what was going on, or why I was getting emotional. I mean I think about her almost all day long every day and don't tear up. However, I've learned that in church it's different. It's like I'm closer to her there than anywhere else. I couldn't figure out why though. So after several weeks of it happening I began to form a guess. Since I'm closer to God at church than anywhere else, perhaps He uses that time to remind me just how much of a blessing and a gift she is. And since He knows I'm listening to Him without distraction in church, maybe He also uses that time to remind me that she is His, and He chose us to bring her into this world. So when I think about it that way, who wouldn't tear up? That's a pretty special thing.
However, since Leah has been growing and getting stronger, I've learned my mind doesn't have to wander for me to remember she's in there. She has her strong kicks to distract me. And my absolute favorite thing about church now is the fact that when the music starts, Leah starts. The girl goes nuts. She kicks and squirms and dances throughout worship. It's the greatest thing ever. I just imagine her little body going crazy for the music, and can't help but think that in someway she knows what's going on, and she is dancing and singing for her Jesus.
I can't wait to take her to church when she is out of my belly. Besides getting to dress her cute, I can't wait to see if she enjoys the singing when she's big as much as she does now. I sure hope she does. My prayer every morning for Leah is that she will know her God, and know just how He loves her. I hope that she will always know that, and cling to that when nothing else is going her way.
Little Leah has been around for 22 weeks now! Holy Cow! So at 22 weeks, she is getting a grip... literally. Apparently she is practicing clenching her fists, and since there isn't much to grasp onto, she is tugging on her umbilical cord. Ha. She also has white hair! Apparently she has hair now, except it doesn't have any pigment. No matter what color it will be when she's born, for right now it is bright white. She is also officially not measured in ounces, but pounds! And she is one pound. I guess that explains my weight gain, which is very hard to watch go up and up and up. She is also no longer measured from "crown to rump," but "head to heel" which makes me a little sad. We loved talking about her rump.
At the doctor tonight, Leah and I did very good with our weight gain! 9lbs total to date, I can live with that. So, we got our shamrock shake and we will have our cheesecake later! :). The doctor said Leah looked perfect in the ultrasound, which we were expecting to hear. Thank you Jesus. She gave us a scare tonight though.... usually we hear her heartbeat the second the doppler hits my belly, tonight, no such luck. The nurse had to look, and look, and look. Meanwhile, my heart was pounding and every bad thought imaginable was going through my head. I glanced at Kyle whose face was fixated on my belly. Things were not okay in that room. But after some time (way too much time) there she was! Thank.God. The nurse told us she knew it was there because she heard it in the beginning (we must not have), but that she kept flipping and moving away from her, so she was chasing her with the doppler... yep, that sounds like Leah. It was as good and as strong as ever though, 158. Busy little girl!!
Leah and I have a big week this week. Her cousin Ali will be born in just two days!! We have waited for Ali since July, and cannot wait to see what she looks like! If she looks anything like her sister, we are in serious trouble. When I was driving to work this morning it was pouring down rain, and it immediately reminded me of driving in the pouring down rain to meet Zoey for the first time...
I remember the day like it was yesterday. Ha, that just seems like something I have to say. I went to work like any other day, phone by my side, ready to be called at any moment. After all, Zoey was a day late. At some point in the morning I realized I had missed a call from my sister. I wasn't sure how, but I did notice she didn't leave a voicemail... obviously I didn't think it was the call, or surely she would have had the decency to leave a message. I casually called back, just in case, and Lauren ever so casually tells me they are at the hospital! Excuse me, what?! That didn't warrant a voicemail!? So after yelling at her, I hung up, called my boss and arranged for my backup to come STAT. Luckily, I was a nanny at the time, and she was very understanding. So at about 10:30 I was on my way. I had John Mayer in the CD player, and it was pouring down rain... although I remember not being affected by it in the slightest. I had a niece to meet! The hour and a half there I thought about Zoey. I wondered what she would look like, how big she would be, if she would have hair, if she would be cute, if she would be tiny, and the list went on. But finally, I made it at about noon. I made my way around the hospital, and pretty sure I parked illegally. Didn't care. I had a niece to meet! I found the labor and delivery wing, made my way past the nurses giving me dirty looks, but I decided if I looked like I knew what I was doing they wouldn't stop me. And they didn't. Good thing, or they would have had a fight on their hands. I had a niece to meet! Finally, I made it to her room. I walked in right in the middle of an un-epiduraled contraction... and wanted to walk right back out! Scariest thing ever! I decided right then and there I would have an epidural the second I became pregnant. But she came out of it, what seemed like an eternity later... and I finally got to say hi. I'm pretty sure I was shaking with fear at this point. I did NOT like what I was seeing. But I stayed. I had a niece to meet! I called my mom and dad to let them know I was there, as they were still en route. Praise Jesus after I had been there a little while she decided to get the epidural. She made it something ridiculous like 13 hours without one, and I for one know I was relieved when she got it. But then a scary thing happened. Just like in the movies a million nurses rushed in. And made me go out! Um, excuse me. I have a niece to meet! Of course, they don't tell you anything, but I heard enough to freak.me.out. Something about Zoey's heart rate dropping, and call the doctor, and c-section. That was it, Aunt Mimi was done. I went to a bathroom to cry, say a prayer, and text Kyle. I pulled myself together enough to go to the waiting room, because, I had a niece to meet! From there, time flew. And in no time, in walks the proud dad. Everyone was fine. Zoey was blue, but healthy and breathing. They would bring her out in a while. Then I got REAL anxious. I'm finally going to see what she looks like! And I did. And she was perfect. And tiny. And had SO much hair, and SUCH little feet. She was the greatest thing I had ever seen.
The rest of the day consisted of holding her for the first time, which was absolute magic, watching my big sister with her baby, which was surreal, and taking a million pictures. I will never, ever, forget any of those memories.
So in two days I will relive all of that again. Of course, it's a scheduled c-section, so I won't be nearly as freaked out this time. And there is sun in the forecast, so driving should be easier. But the rest will be the same - I will be nervous, and anxious, and I will walk past the nurses like I know what I'm doing. I will dream of what she looks like the whole time I'm waiting. And I will be thinking of her mom, and praying for her safety. The hour and a half drive will take an eternity, and I will probably pop in John to mellow me out. I will text Kyle, and take a million pictures. After all, in two days, I have a niece to meet!
I have learned very quickly that my favorite place to be pregnant is in church. I didn't ever think or know that I would have a "favorite place," but this one has developed over time. This is not to be confused with my "favorite room" of which I blogged about earlier. Instead, church has become quite the outing for Leah and I.
There was that dreadful time when I puked all day and night, and thus we didn't go to church. We were bad, I know, but I think God understood. There was just no way I could make it through a service without puking, or get myself to look presentable enough to walk through the doors. So there were about 13 weeks where we went once, maybe twice. BUT, that is in the past. And we are back to going regularly, thank goodness.
So I noticed pretty quickly after we had gone a couple of times that my mind always wanders to her while we're singing or at some point during the sermon, and I tear up. The first time it happened we were signing and I was just thinking about her (which at the time I thought was a him) and I had no idea what was going on, or why I was getting emotional. I mean I think about her almost all day long every day and don't tear up. However, I've learned that in church it's different. It's like I'm closer to her there than anywhere else. I couldn't figure out why though. So after several weeks of it happening I began to form a guess. Since I'm closer to God at church than anywhere else, perhaps He uses that time to remind me just how much of a blessing and a gift she is. And since He knows I'm listening to Him without distraction in church, maybe He also uses that time to remind me that she is His, and He chose us to bring her into this world. So when I think about it that way, who wouldn't tear up? That's a pretty special thing.
However, since Leah has been growing and getting stronger, I've learned my mind doesn't have to wander for me to remember she's in there. She has her strong kicks to distract me. And my absolute favorite thing about church now is the fact that when the music starts, Leah starts. The girl goes nuts. She kicks and squirms and dances throughout worship. It's the greatest thing ever. I just imagine her little body going crazy for the music, and can't help but think that in someway she knows what's going on, and she is dancing and singing for her Jesus.
I can't wait to take her to church when she is out of my belly. Besides getting to dress her cute, I can't wait to see if she enjoys the singing when she's big as much as she does now. I sure hope she does. My prayer every morning for Leah is that she will know her God, and know just how He loves her. I hope that she will always know that, and cling to that when nothing else is going her way.
Little Leah has been around for 22 weeks now! Holy Cow! So at 22 weeks, she is getting a grip... literally. Apparently she is practicing clenching her fists, and since there isn't much to grasp onto, she is tugging on her umbilical cord. Ha. She also has white hair! Apparently she has hair now, except it doesn't have any pigment. No matter what color it will be when she's born, for right now it is bright white. She is also officially not measured in ounces, but pounds! And she is one pound. I guess that explains my weight gain, which is very hard to watch go up and up and up. She is also no longer measured from "crown to rump," but "head to heel" which makes me a little sad. We loved talking about her rump.
At the doctor tonight, Leah and I did very good with our weight gain! 9lbs total to date, I can live with that. So, we got our shamrock shake and we will have our cheesecake later! :). The doctor said Leah looked perfect in the ultrasound, which we were expecting to hear. Thank you Jesus. She gave us a scare tonight though.... usually we hear her heartbeat the second the doppler hits my belly, tonight, no such luck. The nurse had to look, and look, and look. Meanwhile, my heart was pounding and every bad thought imaginable was going through my head. I glanced at Kyle whose face was fixated on my belly. Things were not okay in that room. But after some time (way too much time) there she was! Thank.God. The nurse told us she knew it was there because she heard it in the beginning (we must not have), but that she kept flipping and moving away from her, so she was chasing her with the doppler... yep, that sounds like Leah. It was as good and as strong as ever though, 158. Busy little girl!!
Leah and I have a big week this week. Her cousin Ali will be born in just two days!! We have waited for Ali since July, and cannot wait to see what she looks like! If she looks anything like her sister, we are in serious trouble. When I was driving to work this morning it was pouring down rain, and it immediately reminded me of driving in the pouring down rain to meet Zoey for the first time...
I remember the day like it was yesterday. Ha, that just seems like something I have to say. I went to work like any other day, phone by my side, ready to be called at any moment. After all, Zoey was a day late. At some point in the morning I realized I had missed a call from my sister. I wasn't sure how, but I did notice she didn't leave a voicemail... obviously I didn't think it was the call, or surely she would have had the decency to leave a message. I casually called back, just in case, and Lauren ever so casually tells me they are at the hospital! Excuse me, what?! That didn't warrant a voicemail!? So after yelling at her, I hung up, called my boss and arranged for my backup to come STAT. Luckily, I was a nanny at the time, and she was very understanding. So at about 10:30 I was on my way. I had John Mayer in the CD player, and it was pouring down rain... although I remember not being affected by it in the slightest. I had a niece to meet! The hour and a half there I thought about Zoey. I wondered what she would look like, how big she would be, if she would have hair, if she would be cute, if she would be tiny, and the list went on. But finally, I made it at about noon. I made my way around the hospital, and pretty sure I parked illegally. Didn't care. I had a niece to meet! I found the labor and delivery wing, made my way past the nurses giving me dirty looks, but I decided if I looked like I knew what I was doing they wouldn't stop me. And they didn't. Good thing, or they would have had a fight on their hands. I had a niece to meet! Finally, I made it to her room. I walked in right in the middle of an un-epiduraled contraction... and wanted to walk right back out! Scariest thing ever! I decided right then and there I would have an epidural the second I became pregnant. But she came out of it, what seemed like an eternity later... and I finally got to say hi. I'm pretty sure I was shaking with fear at this point. I did NOT like what I was seeing. But I stayed. I had a niece to meet! I called my mom and dad to let them know I was there, as they were still en route. Praise Jesus after I had been there a little while she decided to get the epidural. She made it something ridiculous like 13 hours without one, and I for one know I was relieved when she got it. But then a scary thing happened. Just like in the movies a million nurses rushed in. And made me go out! Um, excuse me. I have a niece to meet! Of course, they don't tell you anything, but I heard enough to freak.me.out. Something about Zoey's heart rate dropping, and call the doctor, and c-section. That was it, Aunt Mimi was done. I went to a bathroom to cry, say a prayer, and text Kyle. I pulled myself together enough to go to the waiting room, because, I had a niece to meet! From there, time flew. And in no time, in walks the proud dad. Everyone was fine. Zoey was blue, but healthy and breathing. They would bring her out in a while. Then I got REAL anxious. I'm finally going to see what she looks like! And I did. And she was perfect. And tiny. And had SO much hair, and SUCH little feet. She was the greatest thing I had ever seen.
The rest of the day consisted of holding her for the first time, which was absolute magic, watching my big sister with her baby, which was surreal, and taking a million pictures. I will never, ever, forget any of those memories.
So in two days I will relive all of that again. Of course, it's a scheduled c-section, so I won't be nearly as freaked out this time. And there is sun in the forecast, so driving should be easier. But the rest will be the same - I will be nervous, and anxious, and I will walk past the nurses like I know what I'm doing. I will dream of what she looks like the whole time I'm waiting. And I will be thinking of her mom, and praying for her safety. The hour and a half drive will take an eternity, and I will probably pop in John to mellow me out. I will text Kyle, and take a million pictures. After all, in two days, I have a niece to meet!
Monday, February 14, 2011
21 Weeks! Happy Valentines Day!
This might be my favorite Valentine's Day yet. I've never really been a huge v-day fan. Usually, we don't do much which doesn't bother me at all. I'm not a romantic person, and I'm very happy with the fact that Kyle isn't either. The big gestures just don't do it for me. I'd rather he tell me he loves me the other 364 days of the year, rather than showering me with gifts on the one day he's "supposed" to. But, he did send me flowers, and of course I will accept them with a big fat smile on my face. It's not because of the flowers that this one is my favorite though. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that I have a husband this year, and officially have a Valentine for life. Maybe it's because of the little girl in my belly, who is causing my heart to just ooze love. Maybe it's the freakin' fantastic family I have that love me year round. Or maybe it's that cute little Asian niece I have that lights up my life with phrases like, "Got you!" Or maybe, juuuust maybe... it's all of the above, and this just happens to be the first year I get how lucky I am to be loved, and to have people to love.
Enough of that sap. That's about all I can handle.
On to Leah!! My favorite topic these days. I absolutely cannot believe it has only been 6 days since we found out she was in there. It feels like I've known the whole time. And based on the amount of girl clothes she has, it looks like I have known the whole time. I seriously have a problem. But they are all just so.cute. I mean, how do you not buy a baby girl a pair of zebra capri pants, with a hot pink shirt with a cute zebra on it? You just can't ignore stuff like that. So, you can tell me to wait. You can tell me I will get a ton at my shower. You can tell me everyone else will buy things... but it won't stop me. I want to pick out her things. I don't want everything she owns to come from other people. I want to buy the outfits I think are cute when I see them. Sorry. And as long as I have approval from her dad, which so far I have, I will keep buying.
She gets funnier to me every day. I don't know if all babies get excited when their moms eat, but this one does. And I can't get enough. I had a chocolate covered banana yesterday, and she kicked so hard I watched her from the outside. Cookies, same thing. Ice cream, even better. The girl loves food. Any food gets her going.
We put her dresser together this weekend. What a pain. It had 5 million pieces. But, it's up... and looks wonderful. Now all we need is her changing table and rocker and her room will be complete! Her bedding is on the way also, I can NOT wait for that. I'm excited to take it to hobby lobby to match it to fabrics and paints so I can really start decorating. I also bought her letters, and can't wait to put them up!
Now that I'm on the back half... I feel like things will slow down. I just want to see her now! I'm a little obsessed with her I think. She's all I think about, and I just can't distract myself... with anything. It's going to make for a very long 19 weeks! But this back half is filled with my birthday, our anniversary, my shower, a birthing class, a couple of weddings, and a Cardinals game or two - so hopefully time will pass quickly!
So what's Leah up to this week? Well, she's working on her digestive system. Her taste buds are continuing to develop, so now she can taste what I eat... I wonder if that explains the kicking I interpret to be joy whenever I eat something sweet?? Her legs are now in proportion to her body, and her umbilical cord is thickening, and her circulatory system is constantly getting stronger! Yay! What a big girl she is now!
We are both beyond pleased with the fabulous weather these days. We got out and went for a long walk yesterday, which was so nice! We haven't walked as a family since the fall when we walked to calm ourselves down, face reality, and form a plan for this little baby. Let's just say, yesterdays walk was much more enjoyable! It was a little harder though, I seem to be front heavy these days and my back could definitely feel a difference. But I refuse to complain! Walking outside is the greatest thing ever! And I also refuse to complain when it's 105 outside - I will make myself remember the day that it was 1 and I was miserable. In honor of the nice weather, we will be grilling our Valentine's Day Dinner!
That's about it for this week, not too much going on. When I write next week, it will be one day before Leah and I head to Columbia to meet our new niece/cousin baby Ali!! We are SO excited, and can't believe she's finally here!! Of course there will be a blog about how cute she is!
Have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!
Enough of that sap. That's about all I can handle.
On to Leah!! My favorite topic these days. I absolutely cannot believe it has only been 6 days since we found out she was in there. It feels like I've known the whole time. And based on the amount of girl clothes she has, it looks like I have known the whole time. I seriously have a problem. But they are all just so.cute. I mean, how do you not buy a baby girl a pair of zebra capri pants, with a hot pink shirt with a cute zebra on it? You just can't ignore stuff like that. So, you can tell me to wait. You can tell me I will get a ton at my shower. You can tell me everyone else will buy things... but it won't stop me. I want to pick out her things. I don't want everything she owns to come from other people. I want to buy the outfits I think are cute when I see them. Sorry. And as long as I have approval from her dad, which so far I have, I will keep buying.
She gets funnier to me every day. I don't know if all babies get excited when their moms eat, but this one does. And I can't get enough. I had a chocolate covered banana yesterday, and she kicked so hard I watched her from the outside. Cookies, same thing. Ice cream, even better. The girl loves food. Any food gets her going.
We put her dresser together this weekend. What a pain. It had 5 million pieces. But, it's up... and looks wonderful. Now all we need is her changing table and rocker and her room will be complete! Her bedding is on the way also, I can NOT wait for that. I'm excited to take it to hobby lobby to match it to fabrics and paints so I can really start decorating. I also bought her letters, and can't wait to put them up!
Now that I'm on the back half... I feel like things will slow down. I just want to see her now! I'm a little obsessed with her I think. She's all I think about, and I just can't distract myself... with anything. It's going to make for a very long 19 weeks! But this back half is filled with my birthday, our anniversary, my shower, a birthing class, a couple of weddings, and a Cardinals game or two - so hopefully time will pass quickly!
So what's Leah up to this week? Well, she's working on her digestive system. Her taste buds are continuing to develop, so now she can taste what I eat... I wonder if that explains the kicking I interpret to be joy whenever I eat something sweet?? Her legs are now in proportion to her body, and her umbilical cord is thickening, and her circulatory system is constantly getting stronger! Yay! What a big girl she is now!
We are both beyond pleased with the fabulous weather these days. We got out and went for a long walk yesterday, which was so nice! We haven't walked as a family since the fall when we walked to calm ourselves down, face reality, and form a plan for this little baby. Let's just say, yesterdays walk was much more enjoyable! It was a little harder though, I seem to be front heavy these days and my back could definitely feel a difference. But I refuse to complain! Walking outside is the greatest thing ever! And I also refuse to complain when it's 105 outside - I will make myself remember the day that it was 1 and I was miserable. In honor of the nice weather, we will be grilling our Valentine's Day Dinner!
That's about it for this week, not too much going on. When I write next week, it will be one day before Leah and I head to Columbia to meet our new niece/cousin baby Ali!! We are SO excited, and can't believe she's finally here!! Of course there will be a blog about how cute she is!
Have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
She deserves better.
So upon reflection of my last blog, it wasn't good. There's not much I like about it. And that was supposed to be the blog. I was far too excited about the days events to be able to concentrate or put a complete thought together, and it just came out like a jumbled mess. Poor Leah. I spelled a million things wrong, my comma's were everywhere, and only about half of it made sense! I wanted so badly to get one out there that I didn't think about what I actually wanted to say, and just typed and typed and typed. I left so many important pieces out! There were so many things I wanted to say about our little girl! So here is take number two. Please forgive me for number one.
This little girl has already changed my life. Sure, she changed it the second the test said "pregnant," but yesterday she completely flipped it upside down. I always thought I would have a boy. Jack. We had had the name for literally years, and that was that. Kyle told me he only made boys, so of course that solidified it even more. The Proebsting's would have a boy. Then we got pregnant. And I just knew that it was a boy. He had a name and everything. But then the doctor said, "it's a girl." And life changed, again. It took me about 10 seconds to get used to her, and then I was in love. Our Leah. Of course, we had the name Jack for years. But do you want to know the funny thing about Leah? I did some backtracking and researching and sifting through old emails to find this out... but we were randomly thinking of names one night before we got pregnant, and Kyle mentioned Leah. And I loved it. It was simple like Jack, four letters, and it just made me smile. There's something just sweet about it, and it actually means delicate, so I was hooked. Leah it would be. So the next day I emailed my mom and sister to tell them just for fun that "Jack's sister" should we ever have a girl, would be named Leah. I thought of this email at the beginning of my pregnancy, and knew that we had chosen it right around the time we got pregnant. So I started digging. Was it a coincidence? Turns out, my mom had the email - and I sent it to her on September 22. Do you know what September 21st (the night we decided on the name) was? Well it was the first day of the "cycle," or month, that I would become pregnant with this little girl. Just in the nick of time, don't you think? Day one of my first forty weeks with this baby was the day we picked out her name. So, coincidence? I think not.
So do I miss Jack? Or the idea of him? Not one bit. I am consumed with Leah. Maybe someday we'll have our Jack, but for now I am beyond excited to meet the baby handmade by God and given to us. I stopped thinking boy the second she said girl, and can no longer wrap my head around the idea of even having a boy. My head is filled with ribbons and bows and pinks and purples. I no longer think of rough and tumble, but instead everything sweet and nice. Baby girls are precious, I know this because I have a niece. Toddler girls are hilarious, I know this because I've heard the things they've said. Tween girls are just figuring themselves out and a joy to watch grow, I know this because I've watched a few. Teenage girls are d r a m a, but at the same time vulnerable with big hearts, I know this because I was one. And grown up girls grow to love and admire their mothers like they never imagined they would, I know this because I am living it. And I cannot wait to watch Leah grow through all of these stages, especially the last one :).
Kyle says he doesn't know what to do with girls. But you know what, I don't either. I've never had a girl all of my own. And neither one of us have ever had a boy all to our own, so who are we to say we are better parents for a boy. He says he doesn't know what clothes to buy them. But he does, he picked her out an adorable outfit last night. He says she won't want to watch him play sports, but she will. She will admire and want to do everything just like him, and maybe more so than a boy. He says the boys better back off, and well... they better. Of that we agree. I debunked everyone of these myths he had created in his head yesterday. About the only thing I got right in yesterday's blog was the fact that he will be a fantastic dad to Leah... and that's not changing in this blog.
So here's what I know about our daughter so far:
Now that I know that she is a she, I am so excited to get crafty in her room! We have all of her bedding picked out, and I am in the middle of organizing my thoughts on decorations. I plan on spending a lot of time in hobby lobby from here on out, and making everything perfect (to my taste) in her room. I plan to make most of the decorations myself, and have quite a bit of confidence in my abilities. I plan on making her curtains so that they match perfectly. I want her to know that her room is special for her, and designed especially with her in mind. I thought a boys room would be fun to decorate, but as it turns out, I am super excited to get my hands on pastels, and ribbons, and fabrics!
Ok, Leah. Here you go. I hope this is more fitting, and I hope you know how much we love you.
This little girl has already changed my life. Sure, she changed it the second the test said "pregnant," but yesterday she completely flipped it upside down. I always thought I would have a boy. Jack. We had had the name for literally years, and that was that. Kyle told me he only made boys, so of course that solidified it even more. The Proebsting's would have a boy. Then we got pregnant. And I just knew that it was a boy. He had a name and everything. But then the doctor said, "it's a girl." And life changed, again. It took me about 10 seconds to get used to her, and then I was in love. Our Leah. Of course, we had the name Jack for years. But do you want to know the funny thing about Leah? I did some backtracking and researching and sifting through old emails to find this out... but we were randomly thinking of names one night before we got pregnant, and Kyle mentioned Leah. And I loved it. It was simple like Jack, four letters, and it just made me smile. There's something just sweet about it, and it actually means delicate, so I was hooked. Leah it would be. So the next day I emailed my mom and sister to tell them just for fun that "Jack's sister" should we ever have a girl, would be named Leah. I thought of this email at the beginning of my pregnancy, and knew that we had chosen it right around the time we got pregnant. So I started digging. Was it a coincidence? Turns out, my mom had the email - and I sent it to her on September 22. Do you know what September 21st (the night we decided on the name) was? Well it was the first day of the "cycle," or month, that I would become pregnant with this little girl. Just in the nick of time, don't you think? Day one of my first forty weeks with this baby was the day we picked out her name. So, coincidence? I think not.
So do I miss Jack? Or the idea of him? Not one bit. I am consumed with Leah. Maybe someday we'll have our Jack, but for now I am beyond excited to meet the baby handmade by God and given to us. I stopped thinking boy the second she said girl, and can no longer wrap my head around the idea of even having a boy. My head is filled with ribbons and bows and pinks and purples. I no longer think of rough and tumble, but instead everything sweet and nice. Baby girls are precious, I know this because I have a niece. Toddler girls are hilarious, I know this because I've heard the things they've said. Tween girls are just figuring themselves out and a joy to watch grow, I know this because I've watched a few. Teenage girls are d r a m a, but at the same time vulnerable with big hearts, I know this because I was one. And grown up girls grow to love and admire their mothers like they never imagined they would, I know this because I am living it. And I cannot wait to watch Leah grow through all of these stages, especially the last one :).
Kyle says he doesn't know what to do with girls. But you know what, I don't either. I've never had a girl all of my own. And neither one of us have ever had a boy all to our own, so who are we to say we are better parents for a boy. He says he doesn't know what clothes to buy them. But he does, he picked her out an adorable outfit last night. He says she won't want to watch him play sports, but she will. She will admire and want to do everything just like him, and maybe more so than a boy. He says the boys better back off, and well... they better. Of that we agree. I debunked everyone of these myths he had created in his head yesterday. About the only thing I got right in yesterday's blog was the fact that he will be a fantastic dad to Leah... and that's not changing in this blog.
So here's what I know about our daughter so far:
- She is a morning person. She is always up kicking when I get up. I've heard that babies like to kick a lot when their mom's go to bed, but not this little girl. She knows who her mother is, and she knows what bedtime is. I love feeling her kick first thing in the morning, as if to say, "Good morning, mom, let's go eat!" Which is the second thing I've learned about her.
- She loves to eat. Anytime I eat anything she goes nuts. Kicks, and flips, and punches, and stretches. The girl loves food. But not just any food...
- She loves breakfast the most. We have oatmeal every morning, and she is particularly fond of it. She gets really excited with anything sweet and cold... ice cream might be her favorite. And banana milkshakes, she gets that from grandma.
- One thing I learned yesterday... and that worried me some... she is also a big fan of chicken strips. I got a chicken strip sandwich before the doctors appointment, and she kicked harder and faster than I think she ever has! I was literally laughing at her. And all I could think was, oh boy, here we go again.
- The ultra sound tech thought very highly of her feet yesterday. She continually mentioned how cute they were. So, we know she has great feet.
- The tech also said that she had the smallest head she had seen all week. YES. Mama was very happy to hear that, after making sure it was normal of course. So, we know that she has a small head.
- I know that she has a perfect heart, and that seeing it beating on the screen yesterday made me melt.
- I know that she hates Subway, but I think she is willing to give peanut butter another try.
- I know that she has two arms, and two legs, and a perfect spine.
Now that I know that she is a she, I am so excited to get crafty in her room! We have all of her bedding picked out, and I am in the middle of organizing my thoughts on decorations. I plan on spending a lot of time in hobby lobby from here on out, and making everything perfect (to my taste) in her room. I plan to make most of the decorations myself, and have quite a bit of confidence in my abilities. I plan on making her curtains so that they match perfectly. I want her to know that her room is special for her, and designed especially with her in mind. I thought a boys room would be fun to decorate, but as it turns out, I am super excited to get my hands on pastels, and ribbons, and fabrics!
Ok, Leah. Here you go. I hope this is more fitting, and I hope you know how much we love you.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
20 Weeks! Meet Leah!!!!!
"Dear Jesus, thank you for giving us a little girl. Thank you for her perfect spine, her strong heart, her firm bones, and her hands and feet. Thank you for her perfectly formed face, and her small, but perfect head. Thank you for all the joys she has brought us this far, and for her kicks and flips that remind us that she is alive and well. Thank you for Your wonderful craftsmanship, and for Your wonderful blessing. Thank you for choosing us, and for giving us our Leah."
Shew. It has been a day. It has been a couple of days really. I really started getting excited, and nervous for this appointment over the weekend. Counting down the hours, dying to know just who is in my belly! Only yesterday, and thank God, did it hit me that they don't just check gender at this ultra sound, and my doctor doesn't care at all what the gender is. They check a million other things to make sure the baby is a-okay. So then I went into panic mode. Still thinking "he" everything turned into, "is he ok," "what if he has an abnormality," "what if his heart has a problem," "what if he only has one arm," and the list went on. Thank God this all hit me just yesterday, I would not have been able to deal with that panic for much longer. So then today rolls around. Longest day ever. And it wasn't even a full day! The appointment was at 2, and I left work a little before 1... I did not have much to get through. Yet this appointment consumed my thoughts! Who is in there?! Are they ok in there?! What if it's more than ONE?! I mean really, I was out of control. Thankfully, I had my trusty friend Elizabeth to talk to me and calm me down. As it got closer and closer to one, my thoughts became more positive. I was just excited. I knew that God would take care of our baby, and if something was wrong we would be able to handle it. So finally, 1 o'clock came! I left work and began chugging my 48 oz of water they want you to drink to get "good pictures." It's so hard to not go to the bathroom, especially when there is a baby on your bladder. The only thing that kept me going was the "good pictures." After all, I wanted them to be able to see everything they needed to. Kyle got home at 1:30, and we were off!! Just 30 minutes and we would know who it is!! Ha, yeh right. We got there at 1:45, appointment at 2. I fully expected to wait until 2, but usually we don't have to wait much longer. 2:05 rolls around. 2:10. At this point I'm miserable from the full bladder, and the anxiety of wanting to make sure everything is okay. I start to question whether or not I can "hold it," but the pictures are my top priority. 2:20, 2:30. Okay, I can't take it. Don't make a pregnant girl drink 48 oz of water an hour before her appointment, then make her wait 30 minutes longer. Not. Okay. So I go and tap on the window. Completely uncomfortable, and feeling like my bladder will burst if I stand any longer. I ask how much longer, because I really cannot hold this stuff in. She tells me just a few minutes. I can do that. But no, 2:35. I get up, tap on the window. I need to go to the bathroom. And I went. I was so sad and mad at that point! Mad that they were so behind, and sad that I had potentially lost out on my good pictures. I only let myself empty half my bladder, ha. Thinking, surely only a few more minutes. Nope. 2:40, 2:45. I have to pee again. Now I'm fuming. Completely miserable and over the whole process, I go to the bathroom. If I don't get good pictures, I don't get good pictures - but I might just pass out if I don't go. So I went, and came back... and sat. Another 5 minutes. FINALLY, Maria? We get back and the lady apologizes repeatedly. And then tells us that the couple in before us got some really bad news, so they had to give them all the time they needed. I immediately felt like a jerk. They lived my biggest fear, as I was impatiently waiting for my turn. Anyways, saga over. We're in! And things got going.
The second she turned things on, I was at peace. I immediately saw my baby, and just new everything was fine. And boy or girl, I was in love with whomever was on that screen. She was laying pretty still for the beginning, and the tech got lots of good pictures and measurements. She told us everything they look for looked great! Yes! Now onto the fun stuff! But she was sitting on her legs!! Mom was getting a little nervous at this point. She had me lay on my side to get her to move her legs, and it definitely moved her, but then she settled right back onto her legs! C'mon baby, let us see!! I laid back on my stomach, and she went nuts!! She was moving so quickly this time the tech couldn't catch her to see! Finally, finally, she settled down in the perfect position! And she said, "oh I can see it very clearly now, there's no doubt, it's a little girl!" Excuse me what, I'm having a boy?! But nope, there was no denying it. And I was quickly at peace with, and in love with the idea. A girl. How sweet. I gave Kyle a couple sympathy pats on the back knowing he wanted a boy - but I was glowing. And crying. And just so happy she was healthy! From there she continued to move around like a gymnast. After watching her, it's crazy to me that I can't feel more. I think I feel a lot, but obviously I have no idea how much she actually moves! That girl gets around in there! Flipping forwards and backwards, kicking, punching, stretching her head - and we got to see it all. She put on quite the show for us! But sadly, then it was over. Ugh. We got our picture keepsakes, and headed out. Then the phone calls and texts began.
We went to babies r us, to finish registering. We registered for most of it at Target, and only had a few things left to get - so we finished it off. We are now completely registered. While there though, we picked her out some clothes! Neither one of us are huge fans of pink, so she got some purples, some reds, a blue, and even some more yellows! I cannot wait to see her in all of it!
So, how's Kyle. He's okay. He will forever hold it over my head that I told him for 4 months that he was having a son. And I suppose that's fair. I could have swore I was. Oh well, nothing we can do about it now. He picked her out a cute outfit, and reassures me that he is not mad or sad... just in shock. It's fine with me if he is sad though, it's a big adjustment... and mostly my fault, whoops. But I know that he loves her, and I know that he will be a GREAT dad for a little girl - God wouldn't have given us a Leah if we couldn't handle her. Plus, I see how much Zoey is in love with him and just lights up around him, and how good he is with her, and there is no doubt it my mind he will be an amazing dad to this little girl. I have all the faith in the world in him. I just can't wait to watch it all unfold!
So what happens now? We've spent the last 5 months wondering just what we're having... and now we know. Now what? I guess now we wait to meet her. We finish her room, and we buy her lots of good stuff, and we continue to pray for her bones, and heart, and organs, and brain. We continue to watch and feel her kick, and begin to watch and feel her kick harder. I guess now we wait in excited anticipation to meet our little Leah.
The doctor also bumped me up a week again. Now I'm 20 weeks. Halfway!! Yikes! I still have the same due date, but somehow Leah is a week older. Who knows. I'm so confused by the weeks and months and dates and measurements... I guess none of it matters, and when she comes she comes. And we'll be ready for her!!
Shew. It has been a day. It has been a couple of days really. I really started getting excited, and nervous for this appointment over the weekend. Counting down the hours, dying to know just who is in my belly! Only yesterday, and thank God, did it hit me that they don't just check gender at this ultra sound, and my doctor doesn't care at all what the gender is. They check a million other things to make sure the baby is a-okay. So then I went into panic mode. Still thinking "he" everything turned into, "is he ok," "what if he has an abnormality," "what if his heart has a problem," "what if he only has one arm," and the list went on. Thank God this all hit me just yesterday, I would not have been able to deal with that panic for much longer. So then today rolls around. Longest day ever. And it wasn't even a full day! The appointment was at 2, and I left work a little before 1... I did not have much to get through. Yet this appointment consumed my thoughts! Who is in there?! Are they ok in there?! What if it's more than ONE?! I mean really, I was out of control. Thankfully, I had my trusty friend Elizabeth to talk to me and calm me down. As it got closer and closer to one, my thoughts became more positive. I was just excited. I knew that God would take care of our baby, and if something was wrong we would be able to handle it. So finally, 1 o'clock came! I left work and began chugging my 48 oz of water they want you to drink to get "good pictures." It's so hard to not go to the bathroom, especially when there is a baby on your bladder. The only thing that kept me going was the "good pictures." After all, I wanted them to be able to see everything they needed to. Kyle got home at 1:30, and we were off!! Just 30 minutes and we would know who it is!! Ha, yeh right. We got there at 1:45, appointment at 2. I fully expected to wait until 2, but usually we don't have to wait much longer. 2:05 rolls around. 2:10. At this point I'm miserable from the full bladder, and the anxiety of wanting to make sure everything is okay. I start to question whether or not I can "hold it," but the pictures are my top priority. 2:20, 2:30. Okay, I can't take it. Don't make a pregnant girl drink 48 oz of water an hour before her appointment, then make her wait 30 minutes longer. Not. Okay. So I go and tap on the window. Completely uncomfortable, and feeling like my bladder will burst if I stand any longer. I ask how much longer, because I really cannot hold this stuff in. She tells me just a few minutes. I can do that. But no, 2:35. I get up, tap on the window. I need to go to the bathroom. And I went. I was so sad and mad at that point! Mad that they were so behind, and sad that I had potentially lost out on my good pictures. I only let myself empty half my bladder, ha. Thinking, surely only a few more minutes. Nope. 2:40, 2:45. I have to pee again. Now I'm fuming. Completely miserable and over the whole process, I go to the bathroom. If I don't get good pictures, I don't get good pictures - but I might just pass out if I don't go. So I went, and came back... and sat. Another 5 minutes. FINALLY, Maria? We get back and the lady apologizes repeatedly. And then tells us that the couple in before us got some really bad news, so they had to give them all the time they needed. I immediately felt like a jerk. They lived my biggest fear, as I was impatiently waiting for my turn. Anyways, saga over. We're in! And things got going.
The second she turned things on, I was at peace. I immediately saw my baby, and just new everything was fine. And boy or girl, I was in love with whomever was on that screen. She was laying pretty still for the beginning, and the tech got lots of good pictures and measurements. She told us everything they look for looked great! Yes! Now onto the fun stuff! But she was sitting on her legs!! Mom was getting a little nervous at this point. She had me lay on my side to get her to move her legs, and it definitely moved her, but then she settled right back onto her legs! C'mon baby, let us see!! I laid back on my stomach, and she went nuts!! She was moving so quickly this time the tech couldn't catch her to see! Finally, finally, she settled down in the perfect position! And she said, "oh I can see it very clearly now, there's no doubt, it's a little girl!" Excuse me what, I'm having a boy?! But nope, there was no denying it. And I was quickly at peace with, and in love with the idea. A girl. How sweet. I gave Kyle a couple sympathy pats on the back knowing he wanted a boy - but I was glowing. And crying. And just so happy she was healthy! From there she continued to move around like a gymnast. After watching her, it's crazy to me that I can't feel more. I think I feel a lot, but obviously I have no idea how much she actually moves! That girl gets around in there! Flipping forwards and backwards, kicking, punching, stretching her head - and we got to see it all. She put on quite the show for us! But sadly, then it was over. Ugh. We got our picture keepsakes, and headed out. Then the phone calls and texts began.
We went to babies r us, to finish registering. We registered for most of it at Target, and only had a few things left to get - so we finished it off. We are now completely registered. While there though, we picked her out some clothes! Neither one of us are huge fans of pink, so she got some purples, some reds, a blue, and even some more yellows! I cannot wait to see her in all of it!
So, how's Kyle. He's okay. He will forever hold it over my head that I told him for 4 months that he was having a son. And I suppose that's fair. I could have swore I was. Oh well, nothing we can do about it now. He picked her out a cute outfit, and reassures me that he is not mad or sad... just in shock. It's fine with me if he is sad though, it's a big adjustment... and mostly my fault, whoops. But I know that he loves her, and I know that he will be a GREAT dad for a little girl - God wouldn't have given us a Leah if we couldn't handle her. Plus, I see how much Zoey is in love with him and just lights up around him, and how good he is with her, and there is no doubt it my mind he will be an amazing dad to this little girl. I have all the faith in the world in him. I just can't wait to watch it all unfold!
So what happens now? We've spent the last 5 months wondering just what we're having... and now we know. Now what? I guess now we wait to meet her. We finish her room, and we buy her lots of good stuff, and we continue to pray for her bones, and heart, and organs, and brain. We continue to watch and feel her kick, and begin to watch and feel her kick harder. I guess now we wait in excited anticipation to meet our little Leah.
The doctor also bumped me up a week again. Now I'm 20 weeks. Halfway!! Yikes! I still have the same due date, but somehow Leah is a week older. Who knows. I'm so confused by the weeks and months and dates and measurements... I guess none of it matters, and when she comes she comes. And we'll be ready for her!!
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