Big Girl!!

My goodness, I love this little girl. I feel like sometimes I forget that in the midst of the feeding, spitting up, dirty diapers, not sleeping, and everything else that goes on in the Proebsting household on a daily basis. But she is so great. The other day I was playing with her on the floor and blowing raspberries on her belly and I got a big wiff of her. And it just smelled so good. Just like a baby. So what if that smell is just a mix of spit up and baby soap… it is the most wonderful smell. And for a while it snapped me out of the mode of just keeping her alive and into the mode of simply loving her. She is just the funniest, cutest, most wonderfully exhausting thing on the face of the planet – and Leah bug, I am completely consumed by you.

I still don’t ever want her to have a babysitter. Her grandparents have watched her a couple times, and while I’m grateful for them, I have hated every minute we’re gone. It’s honestly torture for me. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.  She’s going to hate me when she’s older, I’ll be glued to her hip. And not to be a pest or spy on her, but just because I can’t get enough of her. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.  Even last week when she was growing ever so painfully, and I left to get Kyle and I dinner I found myself internally screaming at the Subway man to hurry up with the sandwiches! I just wanted to get home. I miss her when she’s sleeping. How pathetic is that? But I’m not ashamed. She’s my baby and I can love her and be obsessed with her if I want.

This little bug that I love so very much is having quite the week. Since sometime last week I have had the strongest gut feeling that the swaddles need to go. Her sleeping habits have changed during the day, and for some reason I just wanted to blame the swaddle. My gut was telling me that she is done with them, and ready to give sleeping freely a chance. We tried it once over the weekend, and it’s just so painful to watch! She moves so much that she just works herself into a fit and cannot calm herself down. Her arms flail, her legs kick, she hits herself in the face with her hands, she arches her back so far she makes a perfect “c” – it’s literally torture for everyone involved. So I decided against my gut again, and figured she wasn’t ready. She had also been getting very fussy when we would put her in them, but I decided she was just tired and that explained the crying. Well, Monday morning rolls around and I heard lots of noises coming from her bedroom. I went to check, and whatdayaknow – she had broken free! Both arms were out and she was just having a hay day in there. I laughed at her, returned to my gut feeling and decided today would be the day! Leah was going to grow up a little, and we would start to break this thing once and for all! And after a day of no naps (minus the one on my chest, just so she would actually sleep), and constant crying I decided again that she just wasn’t ready. And I wasn’t ready. It’s hard to listen to her cry all day, and impossible to get her to calm down from the crying. BUT – 3am rolls around and I went in to get her for her overnight snack, and whatdayaknow – she was completely out of the dumb thing! And this time her arm was tangled! That’s it – ready or not – this thing is now a safety hazard and there is no looking back! She has to do it, and I have to endure her crying. I also thought to myself that it probably won’t be any easier if I wait longer, eventually she just has to get used to it. And just like that, we started today. And things have been different for a number of reasons: 1) she laid in her bed and talked to herself for a while, rather than just screaming like yesterday 2) when she did cry, it wasn’t the piercing wail of yesterday, but more subdued, like she might actually fall asleep 3) when I did go pick her up she calmed down and 4) SHE ACTTUALLY FELL ASLEEP!!!  My heart is beaming with pride!! What a big girl she is – I can’t believe it! Honestly. If you’ve ever watched her try to fall asleep, you know what I’m talking about. I figured it would take weeks, but here we are day 2, nap 1, and she did it! Sure she cried for a while beforehand, but she figured it out and slept for an hour! To top it off, when I went to get her she smiled at me! Yesterday, I didn’t get a smile until bath time. I realize we are still fighting an uphill battle, and there is a lot more crying in our futures, but all in all this is a HUGE day for all of us Proebstings!

Man, I could talk about that forever. This was her first major feat, and she aced it! But I will stop, I’m sure you all could care less that my baby can sleep without a swaddle. What you do care about is the fact that she is now wearing tights to church!! I thought summer clothes were fun, but I had no idea what fall clothes would bring. First footies, and now tights! I am going to be in Heaven all winter dressing this little girl. She’s like my own personal doll. She has tights, and footies, and track suits, and tennis shoes, and sweaters, and overalls, and oh my goodness the list keeps going. Church is now my favorite outing for two reasons – she loves it, and it’s funny to watch her eyes, AND I can put her in tights and sweaters! Speaking of church, try number four was this last weekend. And we sailed through it without an incident. She was wide eyed during the music (no hymns), and then fell asleep during the preaching. The funniest thing she may have ever done happened at the end – the pastor was praying, and instead of having my eyes closed (I’m sorry), I was looking at Leah. For the beginning of the prayer she was looking around, but about five seconds in she closed her eyes! Tight! And it totally looked like she was praying right along with everyone! I was silently cracking up – and she opened them with the word Amen, I kid you not. Man I love the Leah/Church experience. I also love her desperate attempts to get herself from her back to her belly. Anytime I lay her down that’s immediately what she does. She is trying so hard, complete with grunting and cries of frustration. It’s so sad to watch and I just want to help her out a little! In more fun news, her laugh is developing. There have been a couple times when Kyle and I have looked at each other and asked, “was that a laugh?” It’s basically a huge smile with a squeak at the end, but it’s developing more and more every day. I can’t wait for a giggle! She also now smiles and gets really excited when we turn the bathtub on for her bath. It cracks me up. And no matter how hard her day has been, a bath makes everything better. I’m so thankful we have such a happy activity to wrap up the day and go into the night.

In her mom’s news – I have to start making myself eat. A lot. I’m down 10lbs from pre pregnancy, and it just keeps going. Nothing I own fits, and it’s not a good thing. I figure if I can get myself to eat breakfast, hopefully that will set the stage for the rest of the day. I was doing well with dinner, except on days where she cries a lot (ie, the growth spurt and now unswaddling) – I just don’t have an appetite after a hard day of hearing her cry. I think my biggest problem is that I don’t have time. Or don’t make time. When, praise the Lord, she is sleeping the last thing on my mind is eating. I would rather clean or do laundry. Maybe my goal for the rest of the week will be to eat… tough goal, I know. I have a new guilty pleasure – reading my own blog. Ha, please don’t judge me. Here’s how it started: I have another guilty pleasure that started last week when Leah was growing and we were both dying for rest. I let her sleep on me for her afternoon nap. And it was just so cozy! She’s so snuggly, and even more so in her footie jammies. So every day since then, I take her upstairs, stack up the pillows, turn on the TV, and let her fall blissfully asleep while I don’t move. One of these days, I decided to get on my phone and read some old blogs, just for fun, and to bring back memories of her when I was pregnant. Man, I’m so glad I blogged throughout pregnancy; it is so fun to look back on! So I’ve gotten hooked (is that conceited?), and I started at the beginning of the pregnancy. It’s so funny to me to see the similarities between Leah in my belly and Leah out of my belly. She is EXACTLY the same. For instance, in one of the very early blogs I actually said, “I think I’m growing a child that hates to sleep.” I totally grew a child that hates to sleep. I was reading in a couple blogs about her growth spurts, and I documented how exhausted I was and how I was brought to tears every time, but then woke up bigger the next morning and things were back to normal. Same things happen when she grows now. I wrote about how much she moved on a number of occasions, and she still doesn’t stop. And today I read a blog where she was supposedly growing her upper lip, and I teared up a little. Now I get to see that upper lip and watch it form a smile – and can I just say, it is a perfect upper lip.

That’s about it for today. Leah is going to be 11 weeks, and if you’re keeping track that will make her three months old in just one week! Crazy.

Your conversation is in regards to the nap Leah takes on me everyday:

Kyle: How long have you been up here today?

Maria: Two and a half hours

Kyle: How do you just lay there for that long?

Maria: I’m a pro at being lazy.

And I am.