I've been invaded.

As I said in my last blog, I worry a lot. It's still so early, and so much can happen in these early weeks. I try not to think about it, and I've gotten better, but still the thought is there.  However, it's the moments that I find myself dry-heaving over the toilet that I get relief from my worries. They come more often now, so I'm getting more confidence that this little one is doing just fine. Sure, the puking I could do without, but then I would just be nervous all the time. And I'm sure God knows this about me, so He has made sure to give me an extra dose of sickness. Thanks.

It's insane to me how much can happen this early. How many things can change. I already feel like my body is not my own, and that someone else has taken up residence. At only 7 weeks, I find myself needing new pants. I am in sweatpants every day, and here's a fun fact, when I'm not in sweatpants for God knows what reason... my jeans are unbuttoned. I get a sweet little muffin top if I try to squeeze the button together - which is a fight and a look I don't care to have. I get a new pain, twitch, cramp, or itch every day. Today it was a nice little ache under my ribs, and when I pressed on my stomach it got worse. That provided me lots of entertainment this morning. The food I eat is laughable. In the very early weeks, I thought I was gonna be the best pregnant person in the world. I ate spinach every day, had broccoli several times a week, ate a lot of cheese, and made myself real fruit smoothies. HA. Those were a fun two weeks. Now crackers are my meal of choice, and if I do eat I eat Stouffers mac and cheese. I've gone into survival mode, and as long as I'm eating something I feel good about myself. I get my calcium by eating cookies. How, you ask? Well, I trust cookies. I know that a cookie won't come back up. Sure it will make me sick, but it will stay in my stomach. So I eat cookies and drink milk. Calcium, check. I don't sleep anymore. I'm not sure what that's about. I'm learning to "sleep on my left side" cause that's good for the baby or something dumb like that. It is so not comfortable. And then when I do get comfortable, I have to get up to go to the bathroom. So really, there's no point. Oh, and I'm starving. All night long. Not that I want to eat, believe me I don't, but that horrible empty stomach feeling is there all.night. I smell everything. Alcohol is the worst. Unfortunately, Kyle likes beer. I can smell it from just an open can and it makes me gag. I have goose bumps thinking about it right now. I've had to find other ways to get water in my system, as that is no longer going down as easily as it once did. Vitamin water and powerade are doing the trick so far. It has been an eventful 7 weeks, here are some of my favorites:

Most emotional: I had spent my days energy (5 minutes) working on cleaning off the counter in the kitchen. We have a bowl that we put all of our medicine in. Kyle comes home and takes his allergy medicine out and sets in on the counter. I immediately yelled at him, how dare he?! He told me he didn't want to forget to take it, and was gonna leave it on the counter. I was fuming! Who does this guy think he is. So naturally, I started crying. I really had no idea why, and in my head I even thought, this is not a big deal. I couldn't stop though. And he put his allergy medicine back in the bowl :)

Grossest: Every once in a while when I get the nerve to eat, I get stuck chewing, and can't swallow. I say to myself, "nope, this isn't going down." So it's not often for me to chew and spit out food. One night we got subs. It smelled soooo goood, and I was soooo hungry! Dug in for that first bite, got to the swallowing point, and said, nope. Not gonna happen. So I spit it out. It still seemed like it would be so good so I went in for another bite. The same thing happened. And another bite, same results. Before I knew it I had a whole plate of chewed up, spit out sub :)

Most maternal: We were watching a show, and there was a scene where a father hit his son. Obviously, I think that's wrong, but I went a step further. I immediately thought of this little thing in my stomach and how dare the person that ever tries to hurt it! And of course I started crying. And then kyle, being as inappropriate as ever turned to me and asked, "what would you do if I hit Jack." I told him I'd shoot him. And I would. End of conversation.

The best symptom: I don't even know if this is a symptom or not, but it's the only thing I can think of... I have absolutely 0 desire to bite my nails!! Something I've done forever! They are growing so long now, and they're so pretty! I actually have to file and clip them! I love it!

Biggest aversion: Candy! Do you know how crazy that is for me? I loooove candy! Haven't had a bite in 7 weeks. This was actually one of my first clues something was up. I bought a candy bar, because I was standing in line at the grocery store, got home, and couldn't eat it! I just put it in the freezer, not to be touched! This blows my mind.

The heartburn: Oh my God, the heartburn. Why did no one warn me of this one?! This one is a constant. Sometimes I check my chest for actual flames. Tums don't do much, but they help a little. Or at least give me the placebo effect.  I'm ready to move on from this lovely symptom, it has overstayed its welcome. It's really fun after I throw up, as if vomiting isn't enough... here have a burning, aching chest now, too.

So all in all, I've had a lot of fun growing this baby. Most of these things are awful, but I'm still oddly happy most of the time. Thinking about next summer gets me through. It gives me peace knowing that it is all normal, and is all supposed to happen to get a healthy happy baby at the end. So for that, I will take it. I will take all of it. I will complain, and whine, and play the poor me card, but I will take it and secretly be happy.