Could It Be Fall???

I used to be one of those kids who wanted summer to last year round. I lovvved swimming, and being in the water all day long. I loved that I could wear shorts and flip flops, and I loved that it meant no school! However, for the first time, I am absolutely sick of summer. It's hot, it's humid, there are no more summer breaks, and swimming now means swimsuit season... ugh. So you can imagine how overjoyed I have been lately, relishing in the little signs that FALL is approaching.

I think I've decided fall will be my new favorite season. It's cool, but not bitter cold. The nights are perfect for wrapping up in a blanket. You can eat soup and not feel like an idiot. The spice scented candles are everywhere. Hoodies get to make their way out of the closet. The leaves begin to change colors. And it pushes us gently into the holiday season.

Last night, for the first time since spring - we got to sleep with the windows open! Praise Jesus. I love the fresh, crisp breeze... and the smell. To me, fall smells delightful. There is something so cozy about having to bury under covers knowing that a blanket of cool fresh air is waiting right above you. Aaaah, bliss. That's not the only sign that fall is approaching though. It's also that wonderful, yet annoying time of year when the heat goes on in the morning on the way to work, and the air goes on in the afternoon on the way home. It's really unfortunate, however, when you find yourself sweating on the ride home only to notice that the heat is still blasting just as you left it in the morning. Dew is now on my car every morning. It's a pain in the butt to get off, but I'm happy knowing that in just a few months it will be ice, and at least I don't have to deal with that yet! Thoughts of hot chocolate begin to creep back into your mind. Kids go back to school. Pools are closing left and right. The isles of wal mart are filled with ghosts and pumpkins, and even some turkeys. Those things are all pretty general signs that summer is ending, and fall is approaching.  There are a few, however, that are special just to the Proebstings. And these are some of my favorite:

We have a very special friend that specializes in knitting booties. She even showed me how to do it, and I made a pair for Zoey when she was a newborn. I decided then and there I would never knit another thing as long as I lived. I take full advantage of the fact that she loves it though, and we have received several pairs over the years. Tonight I came home from getting dinner - yeh, I'm a bad wife, I didn't cook - and Kyle was wearing a pair of his booties! This is a pretty funny sight in itself. Kyle wears size 13 shoes, so can you imagine a booty that big?! I loved seeing him in them though, it reminded me that I'm not just dreaming it up, and there is actually a chill in the air! Another thing that is a special signal of fall to just us Proebstings is Fall Ball. Because spring and summer softball just aren't enough!  And thank God these games are double headers - I don't know what I would do if I only got to watch ONE game on a chilly, fall night. (That's complete sarcasm). At least the mosquitoes aren't as bad. And the final, and my personal favorite sign that it is fall in the Proebsting household is the entrance of football. Not just on TV every Sunday, although, don't worry - we wouldn't dare miss a game. It is also alive and well in the fantasy world. You might be wondering why I have some much free time to write a blog like this. That's simple. Kyle is upstairs in a "fantasy draft." Why is he not downstairs using the laptop? That's also simple. He doesn't trust it. He told me that today. He doesn't trust my computer enough to draft players for his fantasy football league. I suppose it could ignite on fire. I suppose it could crash. I suppose the battery might run out. So I mean, why would he trust it? He got third pick though, so I think he's pretty happy about it. Why do I not have a fantasy team? Oh, that's easy. Last year he actually talked me into it. I had a team lined up, and was ready to share this passion with him. I got to his house promptly 30 minutes before it started just like he asked, and with my laptop in tow. When the draft actually started, however, the internet connection failed. What a freak accident, right? Nope, there is an explanation which was given to me by Kyle. It was MY fault. I caused the internet to crash. Me and my laptop simply cannot be trusted. Needless to say, we excused ourselves from the draft and promised Kyle we would never enter another one so as to keep all of the internet connections in St. Charles in proper working order.

So here we sit. Just my laptop and I. Eagerly anticipating the arrival of fall. Enjoying all the signs that it is coming - and hoping that summer is behind us. Hoping also that we might see Kyle before the night is over. For now, we'll leave him be - he would want that.

It's Preschool. Are you kidding me?

If I ever hear the phrase, "Where will he be going to school" again, it will be too soon.

Being a nanny for a child that has two parents that own companies has certainly opened my eyes to a whole new world.  Not that they lead over the top lives, but just based on where he lives in St. Louis puts us at all the places with other extremely wealthy children... and their moms.

Now it may sound like it a lot during this blog, but I assure you that I do not hate rich people. And I don't hate money. I actually hope I am rich some day. But I hope I do different things with my money.

Blake is 3, so we do a lot of 3 year old things. We go to the zoo, and the magic house, and the park(s), and the mall indoor playground, and Grants Farm, and the list goes on. Needless to say, during the week days, when school is in session, these places are filled with stay at home moms. Again, I'm not being mean, I want to be a stay at home mom. These just aren't any stay at home moms though. They are decked out in jewelry, nice clothes, most of the time heels, and prada sunglasses. And I'm sure a majority of them are very nice, and feel very blessed to have all of those things. And, of course, I'm sure some of them are snots. I've learned to deal though. I see them everywhere. And I try my very darnedest not to judge.  Some of them I even have pleasant conversations with as Blake is running circles around their child. For those I talk to, however, they ALL ask the same dreaded question... Where is he going to school?

This kills me. I'm not sure why, it has always gotten on my nerves. A lot of things I have come to grips with over the past year, but not this one. A lot of things I have shrugged off, and let slide because I know this is a totally different lifestyle than I was raised in, or want my kids to be raised in. However, I can't let this one go.

Who cares where he is going to school. He is three. Colors and numbers are the same no matter where you learn them. Now, maybe some of them are curious, after all there are about 500 preschools in this city. But I have a feeling, by the snotty tone in their voice, most of them are asking to place him in a certain status. Sometimes I want to just tell them, "Oh he's going to public school." And watch their eyes pop out of their perfectly make-up'd sockets. But I don't. I politely answer, Ladue Early Childhood. For those of you who don't know St. Louis, Ladue is where the best of the best live in St. Louis, so that usually gets me a nice smile and a, "Oh, that's great!"

So why am I going on this rant now? I don't know. I think because I only have a day left. And because today was Meet and Greet with the teachers at Ladue Early Childhood, and I got to see all these same mom's and their kids... and all I wanted to do was take Blake and put him in a public school. The diversity was non existent, the prada sunglasses were out in full force, and the little boys in pink polos were a dime a dozen. Knowing that this preschool costs as much as my college education gives me an emotion I don't have a name for. I'm sure it's a great quality education, and I'm sure the teachers are wonderful, but in sending a child there to learn colors and numbers you are paying for a name. And the crazy thing is, that is one of the cheaper schools! Poor Blake got denied... DENIED... from an even more ritzy preschool. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and who knew it all started in preschool!

Kyle and I have had the conversation a lot actually, and our kids will not be going to a private school. I hope we have that kind of money someday, but I hope we see a better need for it. And God strike me down if I ever ask that question.

One more Tuesday

When I said I sold insurance, I lied. Okay, not completely, but I don't actually start selling insurance for another week.  Instead, I am... a nanny. I have been for a little over a year - and it is sometimes fun, but most of the time just exhausting. However, that's not what I'm here to talk about tonight.

I watch Blake in Kirkwood. So everyday, I have a nice little twenty minute drive there that gets me pumped up for the day, and I nice little twenty minute ride home that lets me unwind. I've come to absolutely treasure this time. I neeeed the preparation in the morning, and the silence at night. A lot of times I don't even turn on the radio.

On my rides in the morning, I have come to notice certain things and people that I can count on being the same. I see the Metro turning onto Manchester about the same time I do, I see bakery workers opening their shop, and I see masses of people filing into the giant EdwardJones building on the corner. My favorite, and most certain, however, are the people I see. I see five people, the same five people everyday, in the exact same spot.

In a year plus some, I have really come interested in the lives of these people. I mean, I see them everyday, rain or shine, snow or ice. Every morning they line the street as I drive by. I often wonder if they notice my same blue explorer driving past them. They are each lined up at a different Metro sign waiting for the bus. Each about 200 yards from each other. I often wonder if they know each other, and talk when they get on the bus.

The first is a younger guy. Probably my age, or a little older. He always seems so tired, ha, poor guy. He seems like a college student, however, he is there in the summer, so I don't know where he's going... or coming from. He usually has a backpack, but seems clean enough to not be homeless I've decided.  He has dark hair, and the way he's built, and the way he carries himself makes me think he might be in the army or something. Who knows?

The second, might be my favorite. She is probably in her late twenties, early thirties. She is a homely looking girl, with glasses, a bit of acne, and long, unfixed hair. She always has some sort of long skirt and nice blouse on. Her matching abilities are iffy. She is obviously going to work somewhere. I imagine a library. Sometimes I see her talking to herself, which makes me laugh. Today though, I got a huge kick out of her. Something big must have been going on at the library because she was pacing in circles!! On the sidewalk! I could tell she was walking in circles before I got to her, and watched her for a bit as she continued in my rear view mirror. But I had to focus on the next one, so I couldn't watch too long.

The third, makes me a little sad - I think. She is blind. Or partially blind. I suppose I will never know. She walks with a stick, and is always standing in the same spot, looking straight ahead. As if, what's the point of looking anywhere else. I am so intrigued by this one! How does she get to the bus stop? How does she cross the busy street if she has to? How does she get on the bus, and know where it's going? Does she live alone? Does she have help? She looks lonely to me, but that's just the perspective I get from my front window. I realize that she has probably been doing this for a while, and she is always by herself, so I'm sure she knows what she's doing - but I have so many questions! Where does she go? Where does she come from?

The fourth is typical. He is a St. Louis business man. In fact, I judge him. Ha. Not harshly, but I suppose in the year I've been watching him - I've learned that maybe he is just smarter than the average bear. He always wears a suit. He has glasses and is balding. Looks smart. Always has a leather briefcase with him. I always think to myself, why does this guy want to ride the city bus?? He obviously has money. But, what do I know. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he has one suit, and changes the undershirt? Maybe the leather is fake. Or maybe, he is just money savvy and thinks to himself, why waste the gas? Maybe he's environmentally friendly? What do I know - I only see him five seconds a day.

The fifth is my favorite in a different way. It is a man, and his yellow lab!! Yay! They are always running! Every morning at 7am, they are running together down Manchester. No matter the weather, they are out there. I am a little confused by this though, because the dog is in a mussel? Now, it's a yellow lab... what yellow lab has ever done anything wrong?! It's not a full out mussel, but its the kind that just has the thin strap around his snout. Doesn't seem to bother him though, he's always got his tongue flapping in the wind. Just him and his owner getting a nice jog in before the long day. I'm so happy this dog has a good owner, I love seeing that! Incidentally, these are all in order so I get to see the dog last before I get to Blakes - God planned that, I know it.

So there you have it. I have been working there for 16 months, and have seen these people everyday, and never told anyone. Never felt a need to. However, today seemed different for some reason. I will be done with Blake in just a week. Which means I have just one more Tuesday with these people. That almost makes me sad. Will the young guy ever get to sleep in - thus not looking so crabby? Will the librarian learn to fix her hair? Does the blind lady have any help? Will the business man ever drive his own fancy car to work? Will the dog ever not have to wear the mussel? Do the bus riders talk to each other on the bus?? I will never know any of this. Rats. But they have been fun to watch, and analyze. Everyday they show me the raw diversity that is America. And I wouldn't be surprised if I wake myself up early enough to make the 20 minute drive to Manchester to see how they are all doing in six months or so - I hope they will have missed me, too.





Speaking of which... I decided to play golf today with Kyle. Prooobably not the best decision for my wrist. Whoopsie.

3 Months and Counting

3 months ago today I was sitting in Ricks Hair Salon drinking mimosas and watching my lovely bridesmaids, wonderful matron of honor, and beautiful mother get their hair done for none other than... Our Wedding!! It was pouring down rain outside, but I could have cared less. This was it! The day I had waited for for no less than 3 years. 

I went to bed that following night at a little after midnight, and woke up a little before 4am.  There was no sleep to be had. There was way to much to think about, and be excited for! We had our dearest friends come in from all over the country, and some even from Canada - so that alone was enough to keep me from sleep. My sweet, wonderful friend Kelsey had graciously agreed to stay in my hotel room with me that night, to keep me from going crazy. However, at 4am I wasn't about to wake her up and make her talk to me, although I know she would have. Instead, I lied in bed for close to two hours thinking about what was ahead, and everything that brought us to this point.  It was all good things. I thought about the night we met in the bar, and how I had no clue that would lead me to this day.  I thought about the three years we spent in college together, and how they completely transformed my life. I thought about our first date, going to see Saw 2 even though I am TERRIFIED of scary movies - I couldn't bare tell Kyle that then... he wouldn't like me anymore!! (We haven't watched one together since). I thought about how I froze my butt off watching every one of his college baseball games, even though he was a pitcher and only played every 5 or so. I remembered fondly, or not so fondly the fact that for the first 3 years he only ate chicken strips. I remembered the first time he brought me to St. Charles to meet the family and friends, how I never dreamed this would be our home someday.  I thought about the fact that he made me a Cardinals fan, and how up until I met him I hated baseball.  Mostly though, I thought about how lucky I was to find this guy who was nothing like my dreams, and yet everything I would ever need. I thought about how lucky I was that in our 4 years of dating I can only remember one big fight. And it was in that fight, I decided he was worth it. He would be worth the next 75 years worth of fights.


Now at this point it was 6am. And I was still laying there, smiling, like an idiot. So I decided I had to get out of bed. However, for Kelsey's sake, I decided to meet another one of my wonderful bridesmaids Whitney for breakfast in the hotel lobby. When I got downstairs I noticed the pouring rain - and my only thought was, "Rain is good luck on a wedding." So I decided I would just roll with it. We ate our breakfast, put up some facebook status', and then I went back to the room and decided it was time Kelsey got up. Ha. Everyone showered, and headed to the hair salon.

Skip ahead a few hours to when I got to put my dress on! Ahhhh. I was in love with this dress. My hair was finished, and perfect, so I was very worried about getting this humongous dress over my head. Everyone helped - while I had, what I hope was my only, bridezilla moment. And it was on. And it was officially my wedding day.

Pictures came next. That seemed to take forever, as all I wanted to do was see Kyle! Finally, it was time to line up. I had not been nervous until this point. And all of a sudden, standing in line, I felt a rush of emotion come over me. Before I knew it it was my turn to walk down... and I saw him. Thank God. That was all I needed. And honestly, the rest was a wonderful blur.

So here we sit, three short months later. And I have everything I have ever wanted. Except a puppy. But I do have Kyle, and the fun and laughing I have had in these last three months has been enough to sustain me for all the months to come. 




Speaking of which.... Easton Corbin may be my new favorite country singer - he sounds just like George Strait!

To Love a Child

Warning!!! If you just want something happy, start with the second paragraph, if not, keep reading:  Yesterday in St. Charles there was a story on the news that absolutely broke my heart into a million pieces.  There was a 16 year old girl who was accidentally (I use that word lightly) killed at one of the hospitals here.  She was a foster child, and had been for 10 years.  She had multiple problems, and was in the psych ward.  Apparently she was angry about something and yelling and just out of control, and the nurse on duty threatened her with giving her a sedative, which in turn made her more angry.  So two nurses took her to a seclusion room, held her face down in a bean bag, and gave her the sedative. Meanwhile, she died of suffocation. Those are just the basic details, there are a million more.  I cannot get this story out of my head! This poor girl who had been shoved from house to house never really belonging anywhere, never feeling love, died in probably one of the most traumatic ways!!

So yesterday I was making the two and a half hour drive to my hometown, thinking about this story the ENTIRE time! I didn't even turn up the radio. But somewhere in that long drive, my thoughts shifted from this story to my own life, and how incredibly excited I am to have my own child someday.  As I was thinking about this poor girl, and everything she went through, I began thinking about the life I want to give a child someday.  Kyle and I have always talked about wanting kids.  We've picked out names, only boy names, because that's all I'm allowed to have according to him. We've talked about how we are going to raise those boys. We've talked about how we want them to be fishes like their mama, and baseball players like their daddy. We've also talked about how if they want to be in the band how much fun their Aunt Lauren and Uncle Joel will have watching them, and helping them practice! (That's a joke. Kind of.)  We've talked about how they better not have my math genes, and the better not have Kyles eating habits. We have so many plans for these kids, and they are still just a thought! Our firstborn, Jack, has been in our thoughts for at least the past three years - and I'm pretty sure I already love him. I sure hope he doesn't turn out to be a girl, or he will have no name.

So this story only intensified the feelings I have towards my own future children. I don't know, maybe I love kids more than the average bear - but it has gripped every part of my soul.  So as I was planning their lives on my way home last night, my thoughts shifted again - no matter if they are boys or girls, band players or athletes, smart or mathematically challenged... I want them to feel love.  It's a big challenge.  I'm sure there will be times in the winter when they will be under dressed, and times in the summer when they are over dressed, or times when they won't get the most healthy meal, and times when we forget to feed them all together, ha.  There are times when they won't get a bath when they need it, and times when there won't be a nap. We're going to mess up on a lot. But I so hope that we don't mess up on loving them. Not even a little. I hope that they feel it, and know that it is real every day of their lives.



Speaking of which... So I had the MRI on my wrist, and I had an appointment with the doctor that did the first surgery, and it did rupture, and it is leaking, and it is swollen underneath - but the surgery won't happen. At least not yet, yay! He gave me steroids and told me to wear the wrist brace. If it's not better by Tuesday then we'll talk surgery.

Such is Life

I would like to send a letter to Hollywood. Who are these people to tell little girls, teenage girls, and adult girls how their lives are going to play out. They will meet a guy, fall in love with him, get mad at him, break up, get back together, and live happily ever after. And this guy will not just be any guy - he will be the guy that watches sappy movies with them, he will cook them elaborate dinners, he will always, ALWAYS make everything better, and he will most certainly make everything fun and enjoyable.

So naturally growing up I looked forward to the day I could meet this freaking fantastic specimen of a man and do all of these fun things with him. We would go grocery shopping, watch movies, get in cake batter fights while baking, have pillow fights, and the list goes on.

Then I met him. And he is wonderful. But he is nothing like I dreamed about! Sure, we watch movies, but they are 300, X-Men, StarTrek, and Bull Durham. We have pillow fights, but they lack pillows and include elbows to the chest - no one ever told me this dream guy would have a serious dreaming problem. We have gone grocery shopping together, once. That included him putting all of the potatoes he could in the scale to see how much it would weigh, running with the cart then jumping on the back to go fast, and oh yes, complaining about how hungry he was. They do that in the movies, right? I have yet to try out the cake batter fight... I'll let you know how it goes. And all of these things are nothing like they are supposed to be. They aren't romantic, and they aren't perfect, but they are real. And frankly, they make me laugh. Everyday I laugh at the man I married, and our life together. I laugh when people in the grocery store look at him like he's an idiot for filling the scale like a four year old, and I laugh when I rattle off sports scores and highlights because I
I'm only allowed to watch SportsCenter, and I laugh at 2 in the morning when I wake up to some ridiculous conversation he's having with someone, or something in dreamland.

So the letter I would write to Hollywood would be to lay off. Lay off these girls. Don't fill their minds with these ideas of what a perfect man should be. Everyone has someone perfect. And if they all go out looking for the same kind of perfect, they might miss the one whose imperfections are perfect for them.  And honestly, someone should tell them that a goofball is way more fun than some guy with perfectly gelled hair, and a magical smile.

So this is what blogging is...

I have watched people blog for a quite a while now, and never really understood what all the fuss was about.  Today, because I'm bored, I decided it would be the day I would start a blog.  I don't really know what to say, or how to begin designing this thing, but nevertheless... I now have a blog.

I told Kyle that I was going to start a blog for us, and he responded with, "...but you make fun of people who have blogs." It's true, I do. I apologize. I suppose I won't anymore though - I'm right there with everyone else. Talking about my ever so interesting life, giving my opinions, and sharing pictures of God knows what. I figure now that I am a newlywed, however, I will have plenty to talk about. Yeh, right. We wake up, eat breakfast angrily and silent because we are awake, go to work, come home, scrounge up something edible for dinner, eat it, watch TV, and go to bed. We'll see what I can come up with to write about - good thing I like a challenge.

For now, here's what you should know about the Proebstings. We love God. He has given us more than we could have dreamed, including each other, and for that I will always be grateful. We both work in the insurance industry. I sell it, he works the math behind it. We have a quaint townhouse in St. Charles, but have dreams of something bigger with a yard someday. We are dying for a puppy, chocolate lab named Duncan. We just have to find him. Kyle is an avid softball player, and trying to be an avid golfer. I am an avid shopper, but Dave Ramsey has seriously put a cramp in my style. We both have tattoos, and want more. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. We have great families, and great friends. We complain at times, and wish our days away at times longing for what the future has... but we are happy and lucky in the present.

Just a heads up, this page my look completely different the next time I post something. Not to be alarmed, that just means I have figured it all out!